Howdy Folks,

I have my first session for GD with a therapist that specializes in GD and LBGT related counseling topics. I am in my early 40s and basically I know who I am (finally) and what I need to do to finally resolve my lifelong gender issues- transition to who I really am for the rest of my life. I have been in therapy a couple times in the past so I am not entirely unfamiliar with the process, but with this visit, candidly I am agonizing about showing up to the first session as the real me - IE a woman vs. going as in "male mode."

A little more background- My mother is a physiologist (not out to her yet) and honestly, one of my biggest lifelong hang ups with GD was that when I was a teen in the late 80s, I started understanding what was "wrong with me." My mother was studying for her Masters degree and I read her text books scouring for information on Transsexuals and at that point, GD was still GID and was considered a disorder/pathology. And that "information" put me in denial mode for another 20something years because NO WAY was a I going to let a disorder rule my life.. Yadda Yadda. 

Fast forward to this year- I came out to myself and my partner at the beginning of the year and started transitioning as much as possible without medical assistance- lost a ton of weight, got my teeth looking pretty for the first time in my life (actually wanting to smile is awesome!) started facial/body hair removal (laser working well for me) and dusting off my old makeup skills and sense of personal feminine style. I am emotionally and mentally in better shape than I have ever been in my life. And I finally made the APPOINTMENT to see the therapist (and of course, there was a two month wait.)

And here is the thing.. While I don't believe I have disorder anymore, I guess I still have this latent fear that therapists, even ones knowledgeable of transgender issues, still view what I am as a disorder. And I fear gatekeeping as I am 100% sure what I need to do. And I keep going back and forth between- Do I present as the authentic me (a woman) or is it better to start the therapy relationship off with the person I have forced myself to be for a long time. Now, I do go out in public as the real me sometimes and I am out socially (really just present male at work and to family I have not yet told) so the fear here is not being out in public as a 6'3" woman per say, its more this latent terror of setting the whole therapy relationship on the wrong foot. And this is in large part because at this point, I know who I am and don't want to spend 6 months+ trying to convince someone else what I have already spent my entire life figuring out.

Which brings me back to my question- How did you present? As the authentic you? As the gender you were born with? Am I just bringing an amazing amount of baggage to what is really a simple choice??

The appointment is a week and a bit away, so acute agonizing in progress. And if I do present as a woman.. What do I wear?! 

Thoughts truly appreciated!

I dressed the same way I always dress. Black jeans, button down shirt, tennis shoes.

I had a long wait for therapy and I was past caring what others thought so I transitioned myself socially about 8 months prior to my first appointment. I had read that they did not require you to present as typically female but as I am not remotely bothered I went in a dress, low heels and had my hair done the day before.

I had a little policy of my own - maybe the shrinks did not care how I presented, but neither did I - so it was no bother to wear an appropriate dress and travel 200 miles each way on the train. I went through the system very quickly with little questioning as I had already done what they regarded as the hardest part of transition - the social part - and I had already taken the initial legal steps and changed my name before attending. I basically presented them with a woman who just needed her hormones sorting out and that happened quickly.

I think the usual answer is to go however you feel like. Different things work for different people.

Personally I'm m2f and I've only ever presented male visiting therapist and psych. There's no way I'm stepping out the door presenting female, and if a therapist or psych thinks otherwise I'll find a new one. It doesn't make me less transgender, it just means I scared of presenting female publicly.

I also had a serious issue with being being diagnosed with a disorder, so I decided not to get diagnosed. It seemed like a potential risk to my career, and I always seek to minimize risks. I saw a therapist for a year without giving my name, then started low dose HRT myself. The rules have changed since then and I've also changed over to seeing an endo (much much better).

I had some concern about gatekeeping, and the way i got over it was to work out how to work around them if I had to. It gave me the freedom to dress how I pleased and say what I wanted without fear of any consequences. This was more to do with me than them though, as I never had the slightest problem. I just need to be in control of my life.

I don't think you can start the therapy on the wrong foot. If that happens its because the therapist is bad. Its really important to be open and honest to get any benefit from it, and if they are critical then find another one. I've always looked forward to going, apart from the first time anyway. I think most people say that.

bald and stubbly.

I went, In the first outfit I bought with my own money, for myself after comming out. was gla to see the back of my other clothes to be honest

EDIT: it was also the first in store bought outfit.

My appointment was mid-morning, so I dressed normally (guy-mode) for work like always and went in to see her wearing my every day work clothes.  Black slacks and a polo with wing-tip shoes.

With that said.  I have bought some women's black slacks and wear them about half the time now along with some wing-tip heels I got at Shoe Carnival.  It's "male-dressy-female" clothing, hehe.  I'm not out at work so I have to pick my wardrobe choices carefully.

I went right after work, so I was still in boy mode. Plus, this being the South, I don't quite feel safe dressing as i wish. It'll take some real courage to go out as Tamika... even to therapy.

Androgynously.   Unisex jeans, paisley top, goth boots and "guyliner".  The third time I was straight up guy mode because I didn't feel especially femme that day, so my therapist pretty much dared me to show up in girl mode the next time.   I never showed up for therapy in guy mode again.

Dress how you feel most comfortable going. They will understand no matter how you go in dressed to see them. I was in full girl mode from start of therapy. I never looked back either. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I started therapy so for the first 6 years I presented as male. The next year only in therapy did i preset male and the last 2 years I was full time. I think you should present however you are comfortable. As you are already appearing in public I would think your new role would be best. An exception might be if you are still in your original role at work and don't have time to change, then you might want to wait until you are full time at work.

I presented male for about 8 months till I had a vacation and agreed to go out to therapy,my first time out of the house as myself in early june this year, then things snowballed and I was full time two weeks later. when I do things I get my whole ass into them.

Serena

The thought of gong to therapy felt like a very unsafe/unknown proposition to me so I dressed normal for me at that time which was fake dude mode, and I continued in that way for the next few visits. Sitting there spilling my feminine guts dressed as a dude started to feel ridiculous, so Eva stepped in and went from then on.

My therapist was very happy to finally meet the authentic me instead of having to put up with the fake dude person any longer.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on July 27, 2015, 06:16:51 PM
Dress how you feel most comfortable going. They will understand no matter how you go in dressed to see them.

Yeah, this ^^^^^^

I went in dude mode - for me, getting to therapy about this happened fairly quickly following a melt down. The psych that I went to was just up the road from my work so there wasn't much opportunity to switch to girl mode. At that stage anyway I was too emotionally fragile to consider doing something like that, even though I had tried to transition many years prior I owned no female clothing and testosterone had not been kind to me! Once I started feeling comfortable with the changes on HRT and with my appearance then I decided it was time for girl mode presentation, which wasn't all that long before I went full time anyway.

But yeah, go with how you feel most comfortable - it's more important that you are able to express how you feel about your gender issue than feel self conscious regardless of which mode you choose. As some have noted above they went for fairly andro non-binary so that might be a happy medium.

Good luck!!

I went in Guy mode for the first few months. Then, after going a bit off the rails, started to go as me and also started going out in public at weekends. And so it went.

Each one of us has the best sense of what we need - do what you're comfortable with and take the time you need, however long that is!

Thanks all for the thoughtful replies! The andro thing has never worked for me personally.. While I am most comfortable when I am dressed and expressed as a woman, I am more comfortable presenting male than somewhere in between. No idea why that is true for me... just is... Tried it.. feel far more self conscious and weird. 

At this point, I think I will present as myself (woman) at the session because I am far more comfortable being honest and emotionally open when I am not in "guy mode" (lots of long developed defensive mechanisms sort of snap back in to place), unless I have to go in to work right after the session. I am lucky that I can work from home 75% of the time, but when I have to go in to the office tends to be on short notice.

Thanks again!