Your english is good

.
You could have a look here :
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,129703.msg1027212.html#msg1027212You could go to a lgbt center, for example from the link above, and ask for counseling there.
They might give you some counseling and some referrals to therapists and doctors/clinics.
This and the link there might help with self acceptance.
There is a hint to a brochure in the link stating being transgender has some biological connections.
So its nobodys fault, neither the transgender persons nor their upbringing or whatever.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885If you feel like it please reach out, you can also call one of the helplines, they also have a text chat:
you could call there, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
http://glnh.org/hotline/ (this is the national lgbt helpline)
http://translifeline.orgOn susans, you can just continue asking here...
and there is also a chat, given to the right of the page...
where you might ask some questions concerning transition...
hugs