I would be more than happy to get surgery to turn myself from male into a female but the reality is that I don't make enough money to ever get something like that done and I just don't have the body type that would look good after the hormones and the surgery. I often imagine how it would be like to have a vagina but I also know that as I get older the reality of that ever happening is further and further away and plus I don't know how my family or friends would handle it either since they have no clue about my struggles anyway of not wanting to be a man.

Then I have realized that not much would change if I just happen to have a vagina instead of a penis. I would still be drawn to men like I am now, I have always enjoyed being the passive partner in sex and I would be that as a woman too. I mean I would feel more comfortable dressing in public as a woman than I do now as a man. I often have thought about getting breasts and just being a chick with a dick. Though as of right now I just don't see it ever happening unless I win the lottery and then it would be the first thing I purchase is getting a sex change and getting a vagina.

First, no one has any idea how their body will do on HRT or look like after surgeries. You can be pleasantly surprised though, I was. I expected to end up a blonde Frankenstein, but now I am dealing with a little too much attention. It is totally freaking me out!  Thanks to Medicare's low reimbursement rate no SRS surgeon will take it so I may never get it myself, but HRT has been more than enough. It is allowing me a life I never thought possible. SRS will just be icing on the cake. You transition to feel better sweetie, not enter modeling contest's. All woman are different so their is no real way to measure yourself up to them, so don't even try. Just be the best real you that you can be and live free and happy with yourself. 

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 17, 2014, 03:35:13 PM
I would be more than happy to get surgery to turn myself from male into a female but the reality is that I don't make enough money to ever get something like that done and I just don't have the body type that would look good after the hormones and the surgery. I often imagine how it would be like to have a vagina but I also know that as I get older the reality of that ever happening is further and further away and plus I don't know how my family or friends would handle it either since they have no clue about my struggles anyway of not wanting to be a man.

Then I have realized that not much would change if I just happen to have a vagina instead of a penis. I would still be drawn to men like I am now, I have always enjoyed being the passive partner in sex and I would be that as a woman too. I mean I would feel more comfortable dressing in public as a woman than I do now as a man. I often have thought about getting breasts and just being a chick with a dick. Though as of right now I just don't see it ever happening unless I win the lottery and then it would be the first thing I purchase is getting a sex change and getting a vagina.

How do you feel about that, hon?

I am frustrated because I want to be a woman more than anything in life. I think about the things that I want in life. I don't want a new car, a house, new skis or anything. I want to be a woman and it makes me sad and upset that most likely it will never ever happen, but then I think I can still be a woman without getting the physical transformation and if I really want to I can live like a woman by getting things that help me become that way. I can get the breast forms and wear a bra and act like I have breasts, I can get those panties that have the thing on them that is like a vagina and wear those, I can get a wig, I can wear a dress everyday and in public. I can take hormomes and have breasts within a year or so but then couldn't live as a man anymore cause somedays I really enjoy being a man.

This is the point a good therapist can help you out. It helps to have one with gender experience, but you can get started with any. Most of us here found one at the beginning of this amazing journey. 

I second the therapist and hope you know that many are content to be somewhere in between.

I think the only way I'll be able to have SRS is if someone else pays for it, and I think I'd probably go the "cosmetic" route. I'm asexual and romantically attracted to women, so I don't see the purpose of the full procedure. Well, I guess I should say I'm "demisexual". I just want to be the fullest expression of me without having any uncomfortable situations about a certain something that shouldn't be there. Plus, I'd like to look good in a bathing suit! If it never happens, oh well. Genitals don't make the woman, contrary to popular belief.

Maybe if I had a sugar momma or sugar daddy I could get the surgery done but as I get older its harder to find either of those, lol. I mean if its meant to be its meant to be and if its not then its not. I am going to try and go see a gender therapist this winter at a place in Denver that I have already emailed and my next step is to call them and just show up and make this happen and begin the journey from there. I am just in awe of all the people here and what everyone goes through to accept who they are. I am amazed to be honest.

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 25, 2014, 12:30:52 AM
Maybe if I had a sugar momma or sugar daddy I could get the surgery done but as I get older its harder to find either of those, lol. I mean if its meant to be its meant to be and if its not then its not. I am going to try and go see a gender therapist this winter at a place in Denver that I have already emailed and my next step is to call them and just show up and make this happen and begin the journey from there. I am just in awe of all the people here and what everyone goes through to accept who they are. I am amazed to be honest.

I wish you the best. It's a tough journey, but the end is worth it. Tough experiences make tough people. And much love to Susan for creating this community that has brought us together from all over the world. Everyone here makes everything a little easier. I also have to thank those who didn't have this community during their transition, but are here now. *hugs to all* ♡ Let's make sure Sandy74 gets through their tribulations the best we can from afar.

sandy people do what they can emotionally physically and of course financially if you are truly experiencing GID or disphoria with your body it will only get worse as you get older having said that there are many variations in the transgender community i agree see a therapist figure out what's going on maybe your a non op or an ally for the community only some one qualified can help you sort threw your experiences and help you figure it out. Don't you at least owe it to your self to find out? do you really want to live a life that is a lie if you really are a transsexual or transgender? i caution you to consider whether the replies you are giving are valid feelings or are they spoken out of fear of the unknown . so many of what you are saying has entered crossed and tormented all of us here we all found the path that was right for us. shouldn't you. as far as paying for the things you would need to do there is insurance for hormones and therapy their is the Jim Collins foundation for grants for srs their is saving money to pay for it. and their are people here who simply worked their butts off to be who they are. Don't you deserve the same just saying hugs sister i hope you find peace.

I am almost in a similar situation. I finally broke down and couldn't fight the dysphoria anymore. I worked with a therapist and "trialed" a low-dose HRT to see how I would do as prescribed. Well, the short answer is the HRT worked, but it has taken a lot of trial and error to find the right medication, route and dosage. I am still figuring it out. I was really surprised at how well the HRT helped clear my mind. I don't fight with myself internally anymore and that is the biggest benefit I see. I am 30 some years old, so I don't expect huge drastic changes to take place, nor would I consider, if I were to fully, transition of becoming a model. Sure, I would love to go through SRS, I wish I had realized all this sooner and I wish I was born a female. However, all those wishes aren't going to change the reality that I am who I am right here and now. I have GID, I am married with 3.5 kids. I love my family and I want to keep it that way. So, even though I may not be transitioning fully, I am taking HRT and I am starting to see physical changes.

And I am good with the physical changes. Chances are I won't be going topless next summer, but the mental benefits for me far outweigh any physical changes that may come. To each their own and I will highly recommend what has already been said; work with a therapist and find a competent provider because what is working for me may not work for you.

It's been awhile since I posted this and I never went to see a gender therapist while I was in the Denver area and my feelings of being transgender has taken a backseat in my every day life. I left all my feminine clothes that are all female clothes that I know I should be wearing daily at my parents house. I work seasonal jobs and now I am in south Dakota where openness to different lifestyles is very slim. I don't even think they have gender therapist in this state. I look at women more and get so jealous of them more than I have ever in the past. I am not attracted to women sexually but I admire everything about them.

I will look at porn pictures of vaginas and imagine what mine would look like if I had one. I get no sexual arousal looking at those pictures, it's all about envy just like looking at pictures of breasts and so on. I guess I get really scared about the transformation and family members reaction. I hope someday I will talk to a gender therapist.

well, honestly I felt transgender starting at 4 years old even though I had no understanding of it. I lived with it for 60 years never being able to get the help I needed.  You can live with it , but it may wear you down after a while. It never ever goes away. I thought it would I thought I could develop into the stereotypical male. I'm bi and I thought I could just live with that. but I couldn't. I wish I could of seen the path earlier but I didn't. I'm doing good now on estrogen. I don't no if I'll get GRS  mostly because of the amt. of time left on this planet as to whether it's worth it or not.

I think my feelings are so up and down about just making it happen and I know that a lot of work needs to be done to make that transition and I think that is what I am scared about. The way that I live now and the jobs that I do I enjoy being one of the guys because in the winter I work as a Lift Operator at ski resorts and I am just one of the guys even though I am a bit older than most since I am 41.

Yet most people think that I am in my twenties which is cool and flattering. I mean I am all bundled up most of the time and only in the spring do I wear a T shirt so I guess I could get away with taking hormones and what not and gradually making the change into becoming a woman. I guess I feel like my entire life would be different if I made that transition to becoming a woman and that strikes fear into me so badly.

That I would have to change my life style and for some reason I would have to stop doing the jobs that I am doing but I guess to be truly happy with myself it might just be worth the risk of making those changes. I guess I just have to build the confidence to not care what other people think. I mean I feel that way most of the time as a guy not really caring if people like me or not so I don't understand why that can't carry over to me feeling like a woman and living like that.

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 17, 2014, 03:35:13 PM
I would be more than happy to get surgery to turn myself from male into a female
...
Then I have realized that not much would change if I just happen to have a vagina instead of a penis.

True. I have a new vagina and most of the time I do not think about it. I am having difficulty remembering what it is like to have a penis. For a week or two afterwards the difference was marked but now not so much. It very quickly becomes normal.

So why did I transition to being a woman? Because I could not stop thinking about it day and night and it has been that way since I was 5 years old. Once I started hormones the clangor in my head stopped and I was OK at last and I had no need to have surgery. Then I started integrating into female society far more successfully than I ever supposed was possible and as I did so the "thing" down below became more and more of an issue for me, so it had to go.

So here I am, all done and dusted. Everything complete. What has changed? Not much & everything. I still have all the problems I had before and the same job I had before and the same life I had before. I still do much the same things and I am still in contact with the same old friends and I live in the same place with the same neighbours. Yet, in spite of all that, I am not who I was 5 years ago and that is worth everything to me. I have different hormones coursing through my veins, small A-cup boobs and a vagina that no one sees and I feel so much better for it.

Transition does not always make a lot of sense, but sometimes it is the best answer. Remember, however that it only solves ONE problem. All the others come along with you and you will pick up a few more on the way.

chuufk thanks for that. Yeah I am not sure what the future has in for me when it comes to me being transgender. Perhaps one day I will just wake up and say this is the stay I start the transition. I guess its not fair of me to be that way sometimes because some here its on their minds 24/7 but with me its on my mind for say a straight month and then gets hidden away for awhile and then it resurfaces and then its all I can think about again.

I guess I have always struggled with it but not as much as other people here. Like in the winter all my feelings get hidden away for some reason and I think its because I become busier in the winter with work and skiing and just being involved in that, then my downtime I start to think about really wanting to be a woman.

Of course I think about how amazing it would be to have a Vagina between my legs instead of a Penis but would I be totally happy and complete then? I am not sure. Its so hard to tell how I would feel. In my heart I know that I am a woman but everywhere else I am not sure.

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 17, 2014, 03:35:13 PMI would be more than happy to get surgery to turn myself from male into a female but the reality is that I don't make enough money to ever get something like that done

A lot of insurances are actually covering SRS nowadays even if they aren't covering some of the other things. If moving is an option you should probably do some research because just as an example Washington requires insurance companies to cover transition related procedures. If moving isn't possible then you should also know that some companies provide insurance, regardless where you live, that covers practically everything. Capital One and Starbucks come to mind, but there are probably others.

Just remember the situation is never hopeless until you give up. 

Thanks Venus

Just by being here I am gradually becoming more hopeful for the future and trying to get a better outlook on my life and what the outcome could be like in the future. I know that I am still young and that I have plenty of time to gradually get to the point where I dress FT and take hormones and get to the point that I do get surgery down the road. Even if I am old and grey and get the surgery at least I will die knowing that I became what I was truly meant to be and die happily.