Hi, I'm a 30 year old male with Aspergers in the UK.

I'm questioning whether I'm transgender and it terrifies me.  I still live at home and am socially, financially and emotionally dependent on my parents. They're very religious and I don't think they would accept me.  I already came out as gay and they didn't take it very well.  Being trans might be a step too far for them.

I know most people would just move out in this situation, but having Aspergers (plus depression/anxiety) means I'm still quite child-like. I love my parents and couldn't imagine living without them.  There's no one else in the world I feel comfortable around

Not only that but having suffered from social anxiety, rejection and bullying are two of my worst fears, yet it seems to be common for trans people to experience this.  It honestly feels like being trans is one of the worse things that could happen to me, not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but unfortunately the rest of the world seems to disagree.

I've tried reaching out for support elsewhere but all I got was "you have to transition!" Or "you need to see a therapist". That may be true but I'm not ready to approach a therapist about this yet, never mind transitioning. I'm just looking for people who understand.

Hello and welcome to Susan's. A gender therapist can help you to sort things out.  It's aresource available to you whenever you are ready.  You don't have to transition in order to be seen by a therapist either. I haven't transitioned and don't plan to. Good luck to you.

Hi windlep, welcome to Susan's. No worries, when your ready to see a therapist is when you should do so. In the meantime please have a look around her. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hello and welcome 

Here are a few thoughts that might help you, at the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,192587.msg1717896.html#msg1717896

a good gender therapist might help you sort this out... if you want to...
and they might help with explaining to parents... so they feel reassured...

but I understand... its a process, gathering information, maybe trying out one or two easy reversible things, and seeing how it makes you feel...
so I'd say go as fast as you feel comfortable, but keep at it...

many *hugs*

Hi windlep 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Warm welcome to Susan's Windlep

I won't repeat what others have stated before... xx

I think you will know when you are ready to take the leap... I don't have any basis of understanding Asperger's (apart from knowing what it is)... however, aside from... I used to think that, parents acceptance, after, as a very young child (like about 4 or 5) asking with them there in front of a family Dr.. why can't I be a girl?? It was totally brushed off and ignored... well 'ish, but I may have badgered further I don't recall, I know I was shattered! However, coming back to the topic... The issues do not go away, ever! they just get more focussed, in hindsight, maybe I should have been more pressing, I did not think they would understand, but I wish I had brought it up and persevered, because now I have a family of my own that may well be shattered when I tell them.

Why did I say this? Well you don't know, what you don't know, you may be surprised, you will generally find one will be more in tune than the other...
But please don't suffer because you assume that no one will understand...

However please look around the forum's, many of the points you have raised are shared by many...

L Katy 

Hey hugs and welcome 😊 I'm from Bournemouth

There is a known connection between Asperger's and gender dysphoria. if/when you do decide to talk to a gender therapist, it is likely that they will have met other patients in situations very similar to yours.

Until then I hope you find support and information on these boards, I know that I do.

If it is any consolation, I am being diagnosed with Asperger's as well, granted in 20 and pretty sure on my being trans, I have yet to start HRT due to the militaries standards. I recently told my religious parents as well and they didn't take it so well. But at least they know me for who I am I suppose.

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Thank you for your warm welcome.

I was aware of the connection between AS and trans. In fact, the first trans person I met  in real life (AFAIK) was at an AS support group.  Another trans person I know on Facebook seems very AS too.

Lilith, can I ask what your parents said when you told them?

Well I'm embarrassed that I just realized I never posted back. My parents think the AS is not there, that my trans situation I'd a cry for help.

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