Hi everyone. Sometimes I just get into these states of profound confusion about my life. A little bit earlier I had this sort of feeling of really feeling as though at this point in my transition, I easily blend in as female.
Alot of my relationship issues were based simply off of the fears of rejection, though it was pretty well justified seeing as my parents did a great job of conditioning me with that fear; (no blame game here.)
I got so used to being the black sheep of my family that now at this point when I am living as female, I still have that mistrust of them. I still have that inner voice telling me "stay under the radar."
I felt like briefly that maybe it was my fault, and that maybe I should give my family a "chance."
Though, I am way too used to the feeling of being an alien and not belonging. It's like being told to make an apple a banana, or shove a square peg through a round hole; it just doesn't work.
I feel like in alot of ways the big question is. If my family did what they needed to do, then why did I need to spend 7 yrs talking to a therapist plus a psychiatrist.
It's all just so messed up, though when you are a child, you are innocent enough to believe anything.
Have you ever had thoughts like this?

Our life is woven from many strands - some known to us but the majority are not. It used to be a major preoccupation of mine - but ultimately I decided it was less stressful to acknowledge that some things just don't make sense, that life isn't always fair, that some things will happen that are beyond my means or ability to change, that by being forgiving,  flexible and open to change and possibilities was going to bring me a lot less grief.