I can't seem to do it. Not because I don't feel that I am one but because I don't see how I'm qualified to make such a decision. Any other self proclamation I have can be measured or tested. This is something that can have an infinite amount of definitions depending on the person. What makes my definition of a girl true and valid?

That really is up to you to decide... Nobody else can tell you that other than yourself. Granted, people have tried and probably still are, but at the end of the day the only one left is you and only you.
People in your life are going to come and go. Just as you are growing, they are too. Their attitudes, ideas, opinions are constantly changing as well.
You've got to be ready, they can't/won't do that job for you. ♡

Because if you were CIS male you wouldn't be questioning yourself. We live with years of social programming that tells us we are what we are born as. For CIS, that isn't a problem. For us it creates conflict and the only way to solve it is to throw off all the social programing and then take another look at our feelings. It isn't easy and my first two therapist couldn't help me with that. My third therapist ran a group and just being in that room with others like me was enough to break down the social programming and push me on the way to transitioning.

What helped me was looking in the mirror.

Have a look in the eyes. What do you see, a boy or a girl ?
You probably see a girl.

Many people now say being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.
To me the identity is there, starting with the eyes....

then going over the head... with hairs grown out... or possibly a wig or extensions...
then the rest of the body follows in time...

have a *hug*


here are some helplines if you want to reach out:
they also have a chat...
http://glnh.org/hotline/
http://translifeline.org

I agree with laura,  i too also think it starts in the eyes.. look in the mirror and you will see you... it may take time but you will see you... transitioning is not easy by far. There are many struggles and answers we need to ask ourselfs but at the very start of all these there is just one "who am I"  i found that answer when i looked in my eyes when i found out i was female.. i think when you get your answer you will find it easier to call yourself you...

Good luck in the future xxx

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

It starts in the eyes and it starts in the heart.  I wrote three novels with a female lead character speaking from a first person point of view.  After I got done congratulating myself on having such a vivid imagination, I realized that it wasn't just my imagination.

 I'm having the same problem. I feel it but when I look in the mirror and see that face. Oh that face. Who formed that face??  I don't see how. I feel for you dear.

That's a hard one, and my problem too.

I'm very logical/scientific and I naturally to think of it in terms of genetics and being born that way, and its terribly difficult to stop thinking like that. I see passable transwomen and I don't think of them as men, but applied to myself I have a problem. It's ridiculous. I think its more a case of you know gender when you see it, except I've learned that there's so many edge cases where that's not true.

It doesn't help that I currently have a beard (I'm hiding out), but even when I get rid of it I still have the problem. I suspect that its just time living in your gender, and I'm not getting any of that.

Good luck getting over it.

Quote from: FemPossible on July 30, 2015, 01:18:52 PM
I can't seem to do it. Not because I don't feel that I am one but because I don't see how I'm qualified to make such a decision. Any other self proclamation I have can be measured or tested. This is something that can have an infinite amount of definitions depending on the person. What makes my definition of a girl true and valid?

Wow. I've had those thoughts SO MANY TIMES.

Until recently I had this idea that it was something that the world had to bestow upon me, or perhaps just the females of the world.

I now think we get to decide who we are and it is the world's responsibility to accept us. Anyone who could claim that girlhood is a clubhouse that we must be denied entry into is not treating us with humane respect.

Does that help at all?

Sweetie, who in the world could be more qualified to define you than you? If you feel that you're a girl, and you want that label, what more do you need?

Quote from: FemPossible on July 30, 2015, 01:18:52 PM
I can't seem to do it. Not because I don't feel that I am one but because I don't see how I'm qualified to make such a decision. Any other self proclamation I have can be measured or tested. This is something that can have an infinite amount of definitions depending on the person. What makes my definition of a girl true and valid?

What about your "self"? Does it exist? If it does, how do you (and I) know this? Because you assert that it does...and you define your self. Because I want to be treated the same way, I accept your assertion, and expect you to accept mine.

 OK For all practical purposes I am a girl. I could never figure out the man thing. It was all greek to me. There I said it.

If You cannot call Yourself a girl, then for all sakes, dont - but it is quite possible that other will call You like that
As for Yourself, find a label which makes You feel comfortable and suits You, and then just wait and see how it goes.

That is an interesting statement, I feel much the same way even though i pass and have birth certificate changed I somehow still feel hesitant to openly call myself female, but I cant call myself male either. For me I think it's cause I still feel some latent self hate feeling that I don't deserve to call myself female. Those some 18 odd years of being male and living in an unaccepting atmosphere don't just disappear. HRT is one step but self acceptance is a whole other world, slowly we learn to accept our selves and only when we do can we truly live.