Hello.  I am a 60 years old and was born male, and have lived all my life as a male.  I am somewhere on the transgender spectrum, but I don't know just where.  I don't really care about the labels, but I don't know who I am or what I want.

As early as age 8, I used to daydream about being a girl.  I have never been a macho male, and have never felt like I fit in to male culture.  I still daydream about being a woman.

In my 30s and 40s, I was single, and I cross-dressed in private.  I have always felt more comfortable in women's clothing.

I gave all that up when I met the woman I married.  I figured it would be too weird, and I was not ready to deal with that.  I regret that now.  I realize now that that was part of the real me, and I don't feel complete suppressing it.

I tried to come out to my wife a few years ago: I wore a skirt on a scorching hot summer day, figuring the heat would give it some logical justification.  She growled her disapproval.  I guess I was right about it being too weird.

I don't think I am ready to come out about any of this.  I probably should have transitioned 30 years ago.  If I get a do-over on my life, I'd do it for sure.  But, at this point in my life, I don't think I could deal with the chaos and isolation that transitioning or publicly cross-dressing would cause.  The best I think I could hope for, if my wife mellows out about it, would be to cross-dress at home.

I have always assumed that everyone would think I am nuts.  I have lived in places where people might have been open to someone different, but I have also lived in places where one could get shot for it.

I don't really know why I am here, except maybe to see if there is a supportive ear I can bend now and then. 

Kathy you're here because you're among friends. So WELCOME, glad you found us.

I'm kind of in the same situation you are - at least I'm 60 and would have transitioned years ago if we had the opportunity that kids today have with the advances and acceptance. But there isn't a "do over" only the future.

Glad you're here and when you get enough posts please feel free to PM me, I'll lend an ear.

Hugs,

Welcome Kathy, you're story is not all that unique, and is very similar to mine.

You're among friends here. 

Hello and welcome

You could have a look here, and the link there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

Many people now say being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, and there is a spectrum, from i.e. crossdressers to people wanting to transition.
In the link, further resources are included.

You might think about talking to a good gender therapist to help you find your way.

Don't be sad... it were completely different times then.
Sentiment was different, and information was much harder to come by.

Look what has changed the last years. Imo there is more acceptance, and there is much more information, and more people exploring what they want to do, finding help in groups, etc...

You might look forwards and use opportunities you have now...

wish you fun exploring...

hugs

Hi Kathy and welcome to Laura's. I started cross dressing over ten years ago. I was 56 at the time. When I discovered that I was transgender the question of why I always felt different was answered. It's never too late to live the life that you desire.

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am 63 years old but I have been living as a woman over half that. The goal is to find a place where you are happy. If you can do that without transitioning, that's fine with us. If you should decide different in the future, let us know and we will help you explore it. Feel free to chat with us as that is why were are here. Right now, I think dealing with your wife may be the biggest issue you face. Some people do as you do just cross living around the house so you wouldn't be the first. It is possible your wife my accept it if you tone it down bit with short pants or woman cut long pants. Let me know if I can help you.

Hi Kathy, welcome to Susan's. A therapist would be good to help you sort through this. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Big warm welcome to Susan's Kathy..

I am 62, been on HRT for 12 years, taken that long to get me to a position where I am comfortable...

My womanhood started in 1957 (that I can actually identifiably recall), and a year later my real Dysphoria started when I realised my cousin was different than me, and I got really bitter and consumed by it all... It was the wrong time, no one had any knowledge, no support and total hatred of such things, I married at 20, still am, had 3 kids, 4 grandkids and now I am about to finalise my transition.

Why? Because decades of hiding, I love being a woman, after all it is me! but all in relative secret currently, but I can't go on, in a pretence or charade anymore! And yes I never have fitted in the male world, ribbed at school, totally lost in male groups, at ease and in my comfort zone in female groups.
Cross dressing was my relief and my driver too... throwing myself into work and family kept me sane and level headed.

Just about to land a well paid role, and 2 other companies after me, this enables my final stage plan. I am sure my decision will come to no good, but on the other hand I have denied myself for so many years because of protecting my family.

I hope what I have shared may help you, you are certainly not alone... explore the site, there are many and we are family to each other. I look forward to seeing you about the forum's.

L Katy 

Kathy!

Welcome!  You are among friends here and we truly do want to hear from you.

The pain that you have felt, the conflict, is not unknown to us.  We know how you feel.

If you just want to sit and chat with us, that is absolutely fine.  Get a cup of coffee and sit here with us.  If you ever get the urge to do more, know that we are here for you. 

-Sandy

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts and kind words.  I am still processing the fact that I posted at all! 

Dena, I think you are right that my big issue right now is my wife.  It's going to be a tough one.

Hi Kathy 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M