So my dysphoria and the realization of how tough this pre-transitioning journey is with finding therapists, got to me so bad yesterday, that I broke down and did something I hardly ever do; cry. Then I spoke with a social worker and vented(quite harshly, mind you) how fed up I am with being trans cause people are so judgmental. You know, just all the duck ->-bleeped-<- trans folk gotta put up with on a day-to-day basis simply cause of our gender identity/expression(s) do not match with what's between our legs or what's on our chests/busts.

After cryin' and sobbin' like a big ol' Tellietubby baby, I ordered one 3 topping large Domino's Pizza all for myself and sat in front of my tv watchin' the 1st 80s TMNT movie(what a classic ). I still felt kinda sad but I wasn't depressed as much. Then I slept to some Frozen(hey I might feel male but that don't mean I can't like some girly stuffs  ). About 1am, I woke up and played some FF XIII and now here I am.

I say, even though its 9 in the morning now and I haven't slept since 1am, I actually do feel much better and am in the mood for a shower(especially since I gotta go to dialysis soon ). I think what helps me be able to take showers with that dysphoria ->-bleeped-<-, is that I focus all my attention on the good smells of soap and the feel of being clean rather than the female body parts I cannot change at the moment. And I do not look at my body while cleaning it. Even though I usually have the lights on and everything, I just look straight ahead to avoid staring at my boobs or crotch too long. Even my hips and thighs bother me, which I never glance at much even outside of the shower.

So basically, immersing myself in my hobbies(i.e. music or videogames) really help ease the dysphoria.

How about ya'll? How do ya'll deal with this punk a$$ dysphoria?

It gets better™. It's not perfect, but things will be better than they are.

I find that while comparing myself to cis women can cause dysphoria, focusing on myself can improve things. Say, when I walk past a mirror and am reminded that the pretty girl in the reflection is me. That helps. Or when somebody genders me female, not out of humoring me, but by simply seeing me as female, that helps. Or for example, the other day my friend and I were at the beach. I was there in my bikini, and he took a handful of photos: some of us, some of me. I was elated to see how much I "looked like" a girl.

->-bleeped-<-e, I guess these aren't helpful tips.

Do you strength train? Do you lift weights? Do you do athletic things? Perhaps those could help.

By the way, I love athleticism.

You'll get there. And considering how overpowering testosterone is, you'll get there much faster than I did. I was actually just thinking how exciting those times are, right before you start your journey. That feeling of knowing that all of your dreams are about to come true. It's fun and exciting.

Oh! Go shopping for new clothes. Nothing expensive. Go to a thrift store! Buy yourself some clothes that stoke you the F out!

<3

Hey there, Mugwort.^^

Those tips are indeed so helpful. I agree with all of what you said.

As far as being athletic...I am much more than I was before coming out to myself. But I will be genuine and admit I have a long ways to go in the whole "athleticism department.". Yes, I like to strength train/lift weights and do cardio. Unfortunately, I really have slowed down with all that's transpired in the past couple of months and am still recovering from hernia repair back in June. I loved to pump iron so badly at home(would hit the gym if I had the money for a membership and a car to get there ). I think you are right on the money(no pun intended there, lol), so to speak, about this doing good for dysphoria, however.

I'm glad those things you mentioned help you feel even better about who you really are. That's always a good thing, dear.

Also, I think this is why my pops don't want me to transition in his house. Not to boast, but he would be straight jealous of me and prolly try to fight me cause of havin' all dat built up male egoism up inside his head, rofl. I'd kick his a$$ if it got to that point, so I can protect myself, but I would rather not have to cause I am a very peace-loving man.

P.S. Yeah, what girl doesn't love athleticism? You're awesome.

Sorry your dysphoria is giving you a hard time at the moment.

I've always found that whenever I get a spike of dysphoria, or whenever something happens that makes me feel invalidated, I pick a 'masculine' activity to do and I immerse myself in it. Even if it's something as simple as buying a pair of boxer shorts, or a new deodorant, or even immersing myself in a shoot-'em-up game for a few hours... doing these little things helps right the balance and I start feeling better again. I almost perceive them as being mini-holidays - holidays in which I can get back to feeling comfortable within myself.

I also find it useful to actively seek out men who look similar to me, rather than the ones I'd prefer to look like. Personally, one of my defining characteristics is that I'm very short, and that can leave me feeling a bit emasculated. So whenever I'm feeling like an Oompa-Loompa, I keep an eye out for men who are my height or shorter. There are loads of them around; I see them almost every day. It helps me to know that there are cis guys who have similar characteristics and that I'm probably in a better situation than they are, because I wasn't picked on for being a short boy whilst growing up. (OK, I was bullied for other reasons, but most of those have now been eliminated).

Quote from: King Phoenix on August 06, 2015, 08:17:10 AM
And I do not look at my body while cleaning it. Even though I usually have the lights on and everything, I just look straight ahead to avoid staring at my boobs or crotch too long. Even my hips and thighs bother me, which I never glance at much even outside of the shower.

I hear you. I used to do the exact same thing (staring straight ahead), particularly whilst washing my chest. Now that I've had top surgery & everything is getting rather hairy pretty much everywhere, I no longer feel the need to do that. Even my bottom bits don't bother me as much any more, now that my chesticles are a thing of the past & T has smoothed out my hips somewhat. It does get better.

Right now, I work out. My weight and body were never more than a passing concern for me. Now I feel an overwhelming desire to be petite (say what you will about American standards of beauty, but they may save my heart). I'm months out from hormones, unable to afford laser at the moment, but my weight I can control. So whenever I feel less than okay, I go walk or jog for three miles. The feeling of taking action helps. The endorphins are also a plus!  That and wearing my girly stuff.

Every little step of transition has made my dysphoria change a bit. Pre-everything, it was terrible. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. T helped me a lot with changing my voice and some of my more feminine features, but it also made me focus on things that I hadn't changed yet (mostly my chest). Top surgery made me a lot more comfortable, but about a month post-op I started experiencing really terrible bottom dysphoria and haven't really gotten over it. I was considering bottom surgery as a far off option before, now it's much closer to the top of my priorities list.

I pretty much do the manliest activities I can think of or find something really immersive and distracting. Shaving my head, lifting heavy things, eating spicy food or ridiculously big portions, going to the range and shooting, working on my truck, mountain biking, martial arts, etc. I pack 24/7 now, and that helps a bit. Wearing the most comfortable clothing I have also helps.

Ironically, I like to go swimming when I'm having dysphoria problems and do laps as fast as I can. I think part of it is that when you're swimming, you're looking forward and your body is behind you, invisible - also, my chest is held down pretty well in a Speedo. So the only sensations I get from my body are the exertion from swimming, which feels really good in itself, and also reminds me that my body is good for something even if it's not in the shape I'd like it to be right now. Exercise in general seems to help. It's strange, because I would expect that doing something with my body would make it worse, but it tends to get my mind off of it for some reason.

I think it's different for everyone. A lot of the time I use coping skills I learned in therapy. Pretty much whenever i'm upset, the first thing I try is having a cup of tea. Sometimes even that can make it a little easier.

I also remind myself of how far I've come in my transition (I've been out for a few years) and my options for continuing my transition. Sometimes top surgery seems unbearably far off, so I try to examine those thoughts and remind myself that even if a few years feels completely impossible, once it becomes possible for me the wait isn't going to matter anymore.

For me it's the fact I have enough privacy to be in girl-mode and go to this site without getting caught, video games and movies, and a good group of friends that I am thankful I'm still even able to contact (long story).