At this point I'm hopefully about a year to a year and a half away from having my phalloplasty done (about 9 months to a year away from being able to schedule it.. life logistics).  It seems so close... and yet so far away, and I just want it to be over and done and to feel maybe just a little bit okay with myself naked.... at this point its just a waiting game and I try to remind myself I'm so close, but my dysphoria keeps bringing me to some of the lowest lows I've had since pre-top surgery... which was also pre-hormones.   

Any advice on how to deal with the wait?  I know I'll feel better once some of the logistical list items off my plan get checked off and I'm actually able to concretely schedule a date, but in the mean time I'm not sure what to do about this immense feeling of helplessness..

Fill those days with your hobbies or something. Set goals to accomplish in that time frame.

Wish I could give you my bits ;-) 
Wouldn't that be something, if I could get your undesired bits and you get mine. 

i'm in the wait too for the opposite for pretty much the same amount of time.  I'm looking at Nov 2016... sigh... 
So as far as what helps, I'm trying to enjoy my envy when I see people doing, wearing, being what I am becoming. 
In your case I wonder if it might be good to get into a sport related thing.  I always had confidence issues as a young male and got into martial arts which helped a lot. 

Quote from: CrysC on August 01, 2015, 12:06:10 AM
Wish I could give you my bits ;-) 
Wouldn't that be something, if I could get your undesired bits and you get mine. 

i'm in the wait too for the opposite for pretty much the same amount of time.  I'm looking at Nov 2016... sigh... 
So as far as what helps, I'm trying to enjoy my envy when I see people doing, wearing, being what I am becoming. 
In your case I wonder if it might be good to get into a sport related thing.  I always had confidence issues as a young male and got into martial arts which helped a lot.

Ah it would be so nice if we could just trade. 

Funny... I'm attempting to enjoy my envy, as you put it, a bit myself I guess.  Thinking about all the things I'll be able to wear comfortably after surgery..  The things I'll be able to do.  Tricky balance there though between hopefulness/excitement and bitterness/despair.  I tend to waiver a little on the side of the latter pairing unfortunately.. I wish I could get back into martial arts.  I did that from age 5-16, but no money or time for it now.  Been running... working out.. it helps, I suppose.  Also makes me feel like I'm keeping myself healthy so my surgery may go better.. heal better... I'll look better once its all said and done...  At this point I'm just trying to find ways to kill the time.  I used to be concerned with productivity, but I think I just need to let my brain shut off a little more.  Allow myself to veg and let some hours pass by without doing so much damn thinking. 

Thank you for your replies!

Live life to max, really it is the only way to get it to go faster. Ignore the deadline in the distance, focus on the now and enjoy your life. I know it seems hard to do when you don't feel complete but dwelling on that will make the second hand move like the hour hand.

Quote from: Ms Grace on August 07, 2015, 07:20:32 PM
Live life to max, really it is the only way to get it to go faster. Ignore the deadline in the distance, focus on the now and enjoy your life. I know it seems hard to do when you don't feel complete but dwelling on that will make the second hand move like the hour hand.

Thanks for your response! 

I have been attempting to keep busy... Its not that hard considering I work 3 jobs... but then I'm so exhausted in my down time... and depressed by my trans-ness.. and (literally) all of my friends moving away...  and then just a few weeks later my cat died... its hard to pull myself up out of it all and find something that will actually hold my adhd attention long enough to distract me from my misery.  I guess I've hit a wall of sorts. 

At this point though I am just resigning to finding ways to kill the time.  Keep busy even if its not productive in any way.  The more mindless the better... just need something to make the time go by and stop myself thinking so much without turning into a drunk or a drug addict.  I've found playing solitaire works alright.  Its simple... but kind of like a puzzle at the same time.  Just mindful enough to block out the negativity but not so much so it requires any ounce of actual motivation. 

Thanks again for the advice.  I truly appreciate it.