I am Anon.
Thats how I start all my stories.
I find there is power in anonymity but also guilt.

So obviously I'm new here. I just graduated high school and am entering university as a stealth FTM. It's not that I had a horrid coming out experience. The reactions were mixed but I received enough support. What drove me to go stealth was the fact that people who otherwise thought i was just another dude, always saw me differently, even if subconsciously, when i told them i was trans. Different isn't negative per say but the word stimulates an internalized discomfort, which has been drilled into my head at a young age.

For the most part I am satisfied with my stealth life; I pass well, I make friends, and I can be as male as I please. But then there comes the paranoia that someone will discover my secret, followed by shame that I don't have the courage to openly identify as trans. I submit essays to online publishers on topics of social justice, especially trans activism. Yet I insist on remaining anonymous, but what i hypocrite i am!

I knew going stealth would come with a heavy toll. My university has a great LGBTQ resource center but networking with the students there means outing myself. Thats why I came here, to be anonymous again- to seek help from others who can understand my experiences without making myself too vulnerable. And then, maybe some day I'll be ready to be out and proud, but not just yet.

Hey Anon!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

I think quite a few people here will identify with the issues you've raised. It can be hard to reconcile exactly because you want to be treated like everyone else and dropping the T-bomb can change that.

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Cheers

Grace

Hi Anon, Welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Warm welcome to Susan's Anon

Goods luck and best wishes on the path and timing you choose to finally be who you are

Look forward to seeing you about the Forum's

L Katy 

It is completely your right to live as you feel comfortable with.

Just take the time you need to come to a point you like.

And don't let others give you a bad consciousness or whatever.

There are many possible ways to deal with this. Its all valid ways.


*hugs*

A hearty welcome to Susan's, Anon. That's okay if stealth is great for you. Yo don't need to feel ashamed about it or who you are. Good luck wit your studies.

Welcome to Susan's Place. I don't really consider you a hypocrite because I just dropped $7000 on the table to do pretty much the same. My voice has given me away for years and now modern medicine has given me the option of opening my mouth without my medical history being told by my words. I am comfortable where I am in life but I still need to learn the lesson of what the real world is like outside my cocoon. I only need part time stealth to do what I want but I can understand the desire to put it  all behind you but yet we can't. A number of us live the stealth life style but yet need to be connected to the community in order to talk about what we can't share with those around us. I think that just makes us human.

Hi Anon 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you all for the welcoming replies!
Some days I just wake up feeling cruddy and anxious but since my post I feel that a bit of weight has been lifted, as silly as it sounds.