Hi all.
I know this might sound really weird, but although I have been on HRT for 3 years and had breast augmentation and so on, I am really scared of going out into the big wide world as a woman.
Lived as a woman all this time, but only with friends and in private.
Have told work, but they wont let me dress as a woman until final op goes ahead, so I am torn between 2 states at the moment.
What words or encouragement can anyone say....or are you girls still scared?

I find it very strange that your work is dictating that you must have an operation to be able to present as female. That smells somewhat illegal to me.

As for going out in public, I'd suggest just a small trip, with a friend if they'll come along - go shopping or somewhere simple. Then you can ramp it up to more complex things. As for being afraid... I was the very first time too, but that lasted for about ten minutes. I was afraid the second time, for about five minutes... the third time for a couple of minutes and now not at all. Once you build your public persona and confidence the fear fades pretty quickly.

Hi Hon,
I see your are in the UK. I'm certain what your work is saying is illegal there.

Going out can be scary, I think I was terrified! Seems so long ago now.

One way of going out is to go to the movies? It is dark in there and everyone is watching the film and not you.

Fear is very normal but I think most girls would agree with me, no gives a second look, unless someone fancies you or other women check out what you are wearing, which is very normal!

As Cindy said, it's almost definitely illegal because in most cases to get the surgery you already have to be full time. It's probably time for a new job. Now as far as getting over that fear going out with others is a great way to do it because it helps bring less focus on yourself and your more likely to forget what is going on when involved with others. Another thing that helps here are baby steps. Maybe go on a short errand or even to take something outside of the house. It doesn't have to be anything real complex, but something simple to get your feet wet. Hugs
Mariah

heh, my psych suggested going to the movies - this was after I had been out a few times already and my confidence was pretty high - I said to him "what's the point of that? I'd be sitting in the dark, I want to be doing stuff where people can see me and interact with me!"

But you're right of course, and a movie is ideal if you're not ready to be seen too much. And I have since been to the movies anyway. 

The work thing is just plain wrong. I don't know anything about the law where you are but that doesn't sound right at all (unless you're living in a place that observes Sharia/Islamic law...) So far as presentation, what I did was very slowly  start wearing more androgynous clothes. Its not written anywhere that you have to wear a wig and heels or anything of that sort. Just dress how you're comfortable.

Yes , the work stuff is not something ok . I was told a few years ago that i will be fired if i don't cut my hair , so i decided to quit . Presentation has nothing to do with the sex of a person , at least not in an open minded place . I used to envy the people i saw working in Ikea stores in Germany , most of the people there presented as the opposite gender .

My oppinion is that this anxiety of going out will fade by doing it more and more . It's like any other beggining , scary , but it only gets better . You can go out with friends and just float , let yourself carried on , after a while you won't remember other way of presenting yourself .

My first time alone I was wanting a real challenge, so I went to the most awful trashy redneck transphobic place you can think of. Walmart at primetime. I got all dolled up and decided the first thing I would do is head straight to the bathroom at Walmart during its busiest hours which was my biggest fear. I went in and had zero problems. Making my way back to the car because I forgot something, I came back and a gentlemen opened the door for me, I then decided I will head straight to the center of cis-ignorant rednecks, the gun section (to pick up some pepper spray lol) and nobody clocked me at all, in fact I had some guys smile at me and a few check me out. (being raised as a guy I can tell when I am being checked out.)

I then go down this gun aisle where all these dudes were in camo, and I was terrified but decided to just keep walking, I did a full circle and they looked at me and I couldn't tell what they were thinking. I go around a corner and could hear what they were saying and I heard them laughing and one said "I think she was lost." Which was off because I didn't think how odd it would be for a chick to be in that aisle, but that's what they noticed, not a trans girl but a female who didn't belong there.

Finally I decide that surely I cant be passable, there's no way, so I just keep walking around the store and didn't get clocked or ghosted or anything. I had a teenage girl stare at me weird but I don't know what that was about.

So that's what it was for me. Literally the most anti-trans, bigoted and gender binary place I could think of was at Walmart in Idaho where I live. Not only did I make it away but I spoke in my female voice a few times to employees and they didn't bat an eyelid and simply mam'd me.

Am I passable? I don't think so, I mean I had one guy at Costco walk by me and I heard him say to his wife "that's a man." and I was clocked a few times before, but its pretty rare. I have only been on HRT 3 months and am 6'1 and stocky and have a masculine face. I wonder if I'm passable or are people too terrified of me to pay attention? I don't know.

I have also had guy's do traditional gentlemen things for me like walk along the street side of a sidewalk when we cross paths, check me out without ghosting, opening doors etc. So I don't know, I am just trying to say to just dive in, it's a lot of fun and exhilarating when you make it out alive.

Another thing to note is that with a lot of people, their minds have no concept of trans or anything genderqueer that if you are presenting as a certain gender they will simply just assume that of you.

To the OP - if you are in the UK  then the answer is "it depends".

If you are self medding then you are largely on your own. You might win a court case depending on the facts you present. Legally you have little to no protection.

If you are on medical hrt then under UK law you are a protected person and have legal rights. Your employer has to be very careful not to discriminate.

If you hold  Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) then you are a woman under UK law - no ifs or buts

Can you tell us more about your situation?