Turtle, you didn't worry me, you scared the (bleep) out of me. Around two months ago, shortly after I came to this board I helped another girl tell her parents and she was from a deeply religious family. She still hasn't reported in and it still bothers me. It was because of her that I wrote the coming out letter.

Congratulations on the family being so accepting but you are going to learn who your real friend are now. The people who stick by you will be the people you should value because in some ways this will be hard on them. The people who reject you were never your friends in the first place and you shouldn't get mad like you did. I don't need to know the details of what you did but I have a pretty good idea how bad it was. Your family is accepting and from now on, you need to be as well behaved as possible because your family will need to help you a lot in order for the transition to work. There will be doctors visits to set up, paper work to fill out and many small detail to tend to in order to get you the care you need. You can best repay your parents by not repeating the last month.

Let me know if I can help you and by the way, Murple was also concerned about you as well and has been checking often for your return.

Sorry for scaring you. I have anger managment problems but they have been getting better over the years. It used to be I might have beat the kid up and smashed some furniture in their house. I know that some people would reject me but I never expected it to be my best friend and I think that is what angered me the most. I try not to get in trouble but I won't lie I have a bad track record for fighting and other such activity. I hope by living as the female I truly am that I will be able to better behave myself but I am terrified of the future when I am no longer under my parents jurisdiction and I am adult. With these short bursts of anger I fear that I will go to jail and eventually prison which I have to avoid at all costs. I have already had negative outcomes from my previous actions such as not being allowed to go to a private school I went to for a long time. Thank you and I will probably spend more time on here trying to calm myself and not go into a massive rage when I get angry. I have been to couseling and everything for my anger. Nothing that anybody else does for me helps it.) I think part of it is I lived for the majority of my childhood until I was 13 in a very very bad neihborhood and I am very easily influenced so all the bad things people were doing rubbed off on me and I now have to get rid of those tendicies which is difficult. Thanks for being so concerned about me Murplethepurple.

In a way you are much like my roommate was. As a child, she was the school bully as an adult, she had a really bad temper. What finally helped her control it was she blew up at me several times hurting me emotionally and she came to understand that if she continued to do that, she would lose me as a friend. It wasn't something she stopped overnight but as time went on, the blowups became fewer.

You need to understand that the transition is going to test your self control greatly. You will feel fear and anger more than once. I can't tell you in advanced when it will happen because it's different for each one of us but if you aren't carful, you will end up in jail and your transition will be stopped. They might even put you in the male section and force you to wear male clothes. Losing you temper once more might cost you greatly so be very careful in the future.

I hate the prospect of jail horribly. I used to look forward to going to juvi when I lived in the bad neighborhood because it got me away from the drugs and violence and alchohol and that meant I would not be tempted do them. After leaving the neighborhood I still had that mindset and I just barely got over wanting to be in a concrete building with steel doors. I love to have a set schedule ad make sure people make me follow it and juvi also gave me that. I now realize that I can't keep up my behaivor and for the past year or so I have been relativly free of anything bad until last month. I am on the path to being clean of my life of petty crime but I fear it is one of those things if I go I won't want to leave. I know it sounds terrible but as a child I have been institutionalized and I have to get over the feeling of wanting to be in juvi. I have lost so much of my childhood because of my actions I am now trying harder than ever to fix my ways before I have to go to college so I can live as a somewhat normal teenager. Thank you for all the support and help you have given me and maybe I can pass on everything I have learned from you to another person to help them make a smoother transition.

Passing it on is one way to repay it but I also want you to stay out of trouble. If you need an ear to vent to, feel free to PM me. I might not respond right a way but I am pretty good at not letting PMs accumulate.

Turtlesrule, I am one hundred percent with Dena. Stay out of trouble. Also feel free to PM me. I know you are around my age and (no offense Dena, your a great person) you might be more comfortable talking to me. But from what I have seen you are comfortable around everyone so that's great. Good luck in your transtion and hope all goes well for you!

Thank you Dena and Murplethepurple for your offer of PM. I may very well take you up on that offer. Thank you Murplethepurple for your help and support. Thabk you for your support as well Dena, you gave me a lot of the resources to come out and become who I want to be. I will do my best to stay out of trouble and I will make that my top priority right now.

Your welcome Turtlesrule. I do have a question anyone that could answer. How do I deal with people when I am at the beach? I always feel like people are staring at me and I don't feel comfortable with myself. Any tips for the beach?

It goes back to the larger problem of being comfortable in public. You need to have the attitude that you have just as much right to be there as the next person so there is no reason to be uncomfortable. If they are staring at you, most likely it is caused by the fact you are nervous and it shows to other people. People most of the time don't initially pay attention to your dress. Instead they first connect with your display of nerves and then try to figure out why you are nervous. What you should try is reducing the level of nerves you have by staying off to the side where you are only partially visible. As you relax and become comfortable with yourself move more into the public.
The only way to deal with nerves is head on. Face your fears and when you discover you have nothing to fear, you will be comfortable in public.

Thank you. I will get some chairs as far to the side as I can.