This past weekend I had a dream where I step by step methodically planed and executed my suicide. The last thing that happend in the dream was my eyes slowly closing.

When my eyes closed in the dream I woke up. It goes without saying that I was very upset and crying when I did wake-up. This dream scared the hell out of me. I was scared and upset because I've never been happier in my life and have absolutely no thoughts or intentions of harming myself and had no idea why I would be having a dream like this.

After doing some deep soul searching and a deep conversation with my therapist this is what we've come up with.....

We believe my subconscious is telling me he is gone now...! If you think about it... Didn't I, in a way commit suicide when I started my unmasking? I killed of the male persona and welcomed in my true self.

When I think back to when I was pretending to be him it seems like that life wasn't real. It's as if it was a lifetime movie that I watched on T.V. I've changed so much and there is no going back. Everything about him has been changed to Melissa. In fact when I do hear my old name I don't react to it anymore. I don't even think about him anymore. So I believe my subconscious has finally accepted the fact that he is dead in a sense and now completely accepts Melissa now.

All my wildest dreams are coming true and I love life now....!

Hello Mellissa 

Reading your post it seems that the dream you are describing must have been extremely difficult for you and very scary, I hope you are feeling better and recovering from it now.

I think your explanation is a very interesting one and at the end of the day, nobody but yourself can tell you what is wrong or right about your own dream. Dreams are strange and funny things and although some of them are results of our subconscious playing tricks on us, a lot of the time it doesn't really mean anything!

I have had a similar experience recently, being an FTM, I had a dream where I was beating up a faceless woman and after thinking about it, it may just be my mind slowly ridding itself of the memory of that girl.

In your case, although it sounds strange, your dream seems positive as it really does symbolize acceptance in who you really are!

Hope you are well 

I've had dreams of killing off my self and waking thoughts of missing that person, but life moves on and acceptance takes hold.