So, an introduction.  I always hate these.  I never know what to say! 

I am a cis-female 46.  My youngest child has come out as trans within the last year.  Not that we were surprised when he told us.  He had been flirting with it for years and years.  But he finally made the "announcement" to his dad, myself, his girlfriend, and a few select friends late last fall.  He also started seeing a therapist about that time.  After a bought with suicidal thoughts, including a plan, he was switched to a gender therapist. 

The gender therapist had told him to go ahead and get a referral to an Endo last spring. He then made the announcement to EVERYONE. It took us until the end of July to get an appointment.  In the meantime his Therapist left the practice and moved to one that no longer took his insurance.  The other therapist that does gender is not taking new clients.  For some reason the first therapist never wrote "the letter".  We had no clue we needed "the letter" until after we saw the Endo.  That was a rough evening.  He cried the entire two hours on the way home.

Currently we have seen another therapist at Transactive Gender Center in Portland OR who has promised the letter within two weeks.  It was a week yesterday.  They were really awesome.  And as a surprise they also noticed that he wasn't wearing a binder (we couldn't afford one), and gave him a free one on the spot. That made is entire month.

Right now I am hesitating to post much.  I would feel sort of stupid saying, "everything is great".  But really now that he knows the letter is coming and then it is only a matter of getting the insurance coverage well everything is great. 

I am really enjoying reading all the threads here, and starting to recognize some of the posters.  Some of the posts make my heart hurt however.  Children who are afraid to tell their parents.  Children who's parents reject them.  I get that parents are scared.  I am scared, he won't have an easy safe life.  But I would rather lose a daughter and gain a son, than lose a daughter period.  The second one is MUCH more terrifying.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Majik

Hi Majik, welcome to Susan's. Thank you for coming on to support your son. Introductions are never easy, but we are glad you made one. Please feel free to ask anything. We are just one big family around here. It's never easy telling parents because we often assume the worst case scenario is going to play out and because if we are young enough they have more control over what occurs at that point. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Thanks for the kind welcome.  I get it isn't easy, I came out as bi.  And I didn't do it until I was A LOT older than my son!  I am not blaming the kids for being scared, or the adults for being scared.  IT IS SCAREY.  But now that I am a parent, I can't imagine not accepting my child for who they are.  And it does make me want to just hug all of you, not just the kids.  Tell you, "It will be ok.  You are ok.  You are not just ok, you are beautiful." 

Welcome Majik! I'm so happy you're so supportive of your son. You're among friends here!

Sigyn,

Thanks!  I feel like I am already.  Of course I have been lurking for awhile, so some of you already feel like friends that just haven't met me yet. 

I am really excited for my son's journey.  Although sometimes I am afraid too.  But that is kind of the way of life.  I mainly joined because, while everything is really great right now, I am sure at some point there will be a day, or a week, or more that things aren't all that great.  Or are really terrible.  I am going to need friends then. 

Also joined because it seemed to me, that you can never have too many supportive people around.  So I wanted to be one of the supportive ones.

Welcome to Susan's Place. I think you child is in good hands and will go on to have a happy life. I suspect the problems we deal with here are only a small fraction of the people who come out and the ones we don't see, don't have a need for this web site. Even among the people I deal with, most of the children are coming out to receptive parents. A few are not and their transition will be harder. I do take comfort in the fact that even with the problems they may have they should able to get treatment much earlier than I did. In my case, they were still developing the therapy and putting the initial treatment in place. I couldn't come out until age 23 and treatment was just reaching the point were it could handle me. Today most colleges offer assistance of some form so when a person turns 18, they can find treatment in person or online.

As an online site and way under funded, we don't have professionals but we do have may people willing to help others and my favorite is working with the children. In real life they are somewhat shy around me. On line, I can help them and they don't fear me and they repay me by showing me how special they really are. If I can't get them out, I can at least help them work through their issues so they will be able wait for the treatment.

Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

A massively warm welcome to Susan's Majik

Its such an inspiration when I see and hear of such deep care, love and commitment to our children... It fills me with admiration and faith.

I am happy that you have found a proactive therapist and way forward.

Your son will have a very well supported life ahead within the family circle, and, whilst nothing is ever straightforward in life, your son will always have your love and support.

I look forward to your journeys unfolding and to seeing you on the forums... And please don't feel afraid to ask questions.

Lots of Love
Katy 

Hey I figured out how to quote! 

Quote from: Dena on August 14, 2015, 11:04:04 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. I think you child is in good hands and will go on to have a happy life. I suspect the problems we deal with here are only a small fraction of the people who come out and the ones we don't see, don't have a need for this web site. Even among the people I deal with, most of the children are coming out to receptive parents. A few are not and their transition will be harder. I do take comfort in the fact that even with the problems they may have they should able to get treatment much earlier than I did. In my case, they were still developing the therapy and putting the initial treatment in place. I couldn't come out until age 23 and treatment was just reaching the point were it could handle me. Today most colleges offer assistance of some form so when a person turns 18, they can find treatment in person or online.

As an online site and way under funded, we don't have professionals but we do have may people willing to help others and my favorite is working with the children. In real life they are somewhat shy around me. On line, I can help them and they don't fear me and they repay me by showing me how special they really are. If I can't get them out, I can at least help them work through their issues so they will be able wait for the treatment.

Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

Thank you for being so kind!  I have seen you in several threads and noticed how generous you seem to be. 
You are correct my son is lucky to be going through this now instead of even 10 years ago. 

This site has already helped me so much.  I had a lot of fear surrounding his top surgery.  My mother had a radical double mastectomy 15 years ago.  It looked SO awful.  I was terrified.  But I spent an entire day looking at a thread where the wonderful men here were posting before/after and progress reports.  Talking about healing.  Showing the results they were getting.   It was amazing.  I have so much less fear around that now.  I wanted to post to thank them.  But I felt like that space was their space and they didn't need me intruding.

Thanks Katy,

Quote from: katrinaw on August 15, 2015, 02:22:06 AM
A massively warm welcome to Susan's Majik

Its such an inspiration when I see and hear of such deep care, love and commitment to our children... It fills me with admiration and faith.

I am happy that you have found a proactive therapist and way forward.

Your son will have a very well supported life ahead within the family circle, and, whilst nothing is ever straightforward in life, your son will always have your love and support.

I look forward to your journeys unfolding and to seeing you on the forums... And please don't feel afraid to ask questions.

Lots of Love
Katy 

I know I should have questions, and I am sure I will have questions.  But as of now, I have no idea what to ask.   So I will just hang around, throw support and caring around when I can.  I wish I could donate to the community, I REALLY wish that.  But right now even 5 dollars is more than I have.    I have applied for a new job.  If I get it things should get a little less tight.

Majik

Quote from: Majikbrat on August 15, 2015, 09:45:51 AM
This site has already helped me so much.  I had a lot of fear surrounding his top surgery.  My mother had a radical double mastectomy 15 years ago.  It looked SO awful.  I was terrified.  But I spent an entire day looking at a thread where the wonderful men here were posting before/after and progress reports.  Talking about healing.  Showing the results they were getting.   It was amazing.  I have so much less fear around that now.  I wanted to post to thank them.  But I felt like that space was their space and they didn't need me intruding.

The guys are pretty proud of their top surgery and I am pretty sure a few words of appreciation about the results would make them even more proud. As a MTF I sometimes bump into one of their threads and will add a post or two because I lived the role in the past and some of the things they are talking about are just the opposite of what we do going the other way.

The one advantage about the mastectomy a FTM receives is they aren't going after cancer so they leave more of the natural tissue in place resulting in a much better appearance. Like all surgeries, selection of the doctor is important so when you see a surgery that turned out well, ask about the procedure and the doctor who did it so you can find the best for your child.

I was just reading another thread in the FTM area and one of the guys mentioned his Hysto.  My first thought was "wait, why would a guy need a hysto?!?".  Then the "Duh!" moment.  Then I choked on my coffee laughing at myself.  Already to me they are just guys.  Really cool guys it seems.

Majik

Don't worry, it gets worst. I have been dealing with gendering for around 37 years now and there have been a few threads that were so complex I had to stop and figure out what the gendering was. For the most part the little blue or pink box is our final gender. A white box, you are kind of on you own.

You will become more comfortable with it as you spend more time around here because this is one of the most diverse places I have ever seen and there is an enormous amount of activity.

Quote from: Majikbrat on August 15, 2015, 09:49:20 AM
Thanks Katy,

I know I should have questions, and I am sure I will have questions.  But as of now, I have no idea what to ask.   So I will just hang around, throw support and caring around when I can.  I wish I could donate to the community, I REALLY wish that.  But right now even 5 dollars is more than I have.    I have applied for a new job.  If I get it things should get a little less tight.

Majik

Just being here and sharing your experiences with us all is incalculable, life for all would be so much better with folks like you as role models.

I wish you well in securing a new role, i am in Australia, been successful for many years, however i have been searching for a new role for many, many months, although I am now in a better position, at last!

I am sure you will land something soon, So be positive and I am sure you will be successful, you deserve it!

Katy xx

Quote from: Dena on August 15, 2015, 11:00:50 AM
Don't worry, it gets worst. I have been dealing with gendering for around 37 years now and there have been a few threads that were so complex I had to stop and figure out what the gendering was. For the most part the little blue or pink box is our final gender. A white box, you are kind of on you own.

Lol I wasn't confused about the gendering.  This was the FTM Top surgery recovery thread.  It was just that by the time I got towards the end, in my head they were just men.  I honestly forgot for a little while that they had been misgendered at birth as F.  They were just guys funny, compassionate guys of all ages.  Until one had a hysterectomy, which threw my poor under coffeed brain for a loop for a second. 

I do know what you mean about the complex threads however.  There have been a few times I have had to refer to the blue or pink box. 

Majik

Quote from: katrinaw on August 15, 2015, 11:08:08 AM
Just being here and sharing your experiences with us all is incalculable, life for all would be so much better with folks like you as role models.

Ok now you made me tear up and blush.  In one post.  I am not doing anything "incalculable".  I do hope my presence adds something of value, but mostly I am just a Mum trying to do my best for my kiddo. 




Majik

Hi Majik 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thanks V M!

Welcome to Susan's.

You are a wonderful parent. Having support in transition is incredibly important. Kudos to you.

Thanks Cynthia!  I am glad to be here.