Hello everyone

I'm Kiwa_no, but you can call me Finn, I guess. I'm 21 years old^^

Unfortunately, I've been born with a really feminine body shape, but I've been out as a non-binary person for about a year now considering myself as being somewhere in the middle of the male-female spectrum. But recently I had to deal not only with a lot of gender dysphoria but also with severe depression and identity issues. At the moment, I keep asking myself if I might be a transboy. Sometimes I get dysphoric feelings about my body and I always hated my breasts, especially since they are quite big and simply impossible to hide entirely. I like being treated like a guy more than being considered female. And my entire wardrobe only consists of guy clothes. I don't hate female clothing, and from time to time I could imagine myself wearing a dress, but usually I feel more comfortable in male clothes. But I do use a lot of cosmetic products everyday and I like to wear a little bit of make-up.

As for pronouns, I honestly don't know. I'm quite comfortable with female pronouns but I think I want to try out male pronouns (he/him/his). Also, I'm currently looking for a more gender-neutral/male name since my birth name (Lea) is quite feminine. I haven't quite decided yet, but for now Finn works fine for me since I always liked that name

Here some other facts about me: I'm pansexual, vegetarian and a geek. I like playing video games such as Dragon Age, Mass Effect etc. And I enjoy watching series (GoT, OITNB...). My favourite hobby is drawing and recently I spend most of my time doing tattoo designs for friends and family members. I'm also looking for a apprenticeship in order to work as a tattoo artist in the future. I've been studying Japanese and English in the past and I'm fluent in French, since I grew up in France

I'm currently looking for a therapist who could help me figuring out who I really am. I've been on this site quite a lot in the past but I was never sure whether I should join or not. But now more than ever I need interaction with other trans* people.

If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask!

Cheers,
Finn

Welcome to Susan's Place. Makeup is not a woman's thing only any more. Stage is the most common place you will find men wearing makeup but in jobs where appearance is important, men may sometimes wear a bit of makeup to hid flaw or enhance their appearance.

As for being unsure of where you are, a therapist will help but for now go to youtube and request "The transition channel".
That will give you an idea as to what transsexual is. Should you determine that isn't a match for what you feel, explore some more around here because I am sure you will find others like yourself. From age 13 I knew I was transsexual and I got that right but there are still parts of me that I am still exploring so this is an ongoing process.

If I can help you with anything, let me know.

Thank you Dena!

You're absolutely right concerning the whole make-up thing. I guess I'm just so used to it being considered something feminine. Most of my female friends don't wear make-up and since I do, it has always been something that makes me feel more feminine than them.

I've just checked out "The transition channel" on Youtube. It seems really helpful and I just watched the FTM videos and it made me think a lot. I guess I can consider myself as being transgender. But do I really want to be a guy? I don't know... Growing up, I never really had the urge to be a boy. I was a tomboy most of the time but I also enjoyed girlish toys. Even the walls in my room were painted in pink with butterflies because I wanted it like that...I remember a few times were I though that it would be cool to be a boy and I always liked movies about tomboys or girls who were passing as boys. But the need to be more masculine only came when puberty hit me and my body became more feminine.

Anyway, thank you for your reply and your advice

There is at least one person on this site that was born female but wants to project the image of a young boy through a social transition but not a medical transition and there are others who prefer more of a genderless image. Just make a wish list of what you think the ideal life would be like and we will be happy to help you with the parts you don't know how to handle. Don't worry if it takes a while to figure out because often people will make a few changes in their life and reevaluate what to do next.

Hi Finn, welcome to Susan's. You might want to check out our non binary section of the forum. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

@Dena You're right! Thank you so much! 

@Mariah Thank you! ^^ I will!

Warm welcome to Susan's Finn

Guessing you have a supporting family... best wishes for the Therapist visit once you have found one suitable for your location.

Look forward to seeing you about the forum's

L Katy 

Hi Finn 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! Really looking forward to become part of this community^^