I was scrolling Facebook this morning and my aunt reposted something from one of these "right wing" people who went on invalidating Caitlyn Jenner, with the tired old trope that somehow we are "not real" and "playing dress up" and that "real women" get pregnant and their men leave them.
I wrote her this response:
"I'm kind of disappointed in you for this. You're doing like we don't have challenges and struggles too. We have much of the same (except the pregnancy part, obviously) and some others.
Sorry I can't let this one slide by.
And for what it's worth, Jenner acknowledges her extreme privilege.
Every day trans people have to deal with:
People constantly invalidating trans people as not being "real."
Bathroom discrimination. I tried using a men's restroom (by accident) when I first came out and was marched straight back out. Some people don't "pass" well enough to use the women's either. So where do they go? Not everywhere has gender neutral bathrooms. Some lawmakers want to throw us in jail for using bathrooms that don't correspond with DNA (and DNA is only a small part of gender/sex anyway). So I take it they're taking blood samples from people as they enter. They probably want us to do our business in the street or simply push us out of sight like we don't exist.
rape, assault, murder which actually happens at a higher rate than the rest of the population. We are viewed as disposable by most people. The murder rate this year for trans people is double what it was all of last year.
Speaking of dating, being beaten and abused by people who upon telling them you're trans, will likely beat or even kill you. Don't tell them and you're accused of being a "trap" or worse. (I always believe in full disclosure)
Facing discrimination in employment, housing and public accommodation. The worst part is that it is legal to discriminate against trans people in most of the world. Even in so called progressive countries like the United States. Even in places that protect gays and lesbians. On top of that, trans women face discrimination because we are trans AND female. You know how many times I get talked over in meetings and conference calls? And things routinely get deferred to my male colleagues despite me doing better or the same than them. I don't mind putting up with it because I can be my authentic self. But it's there. I don't even tell potential employers that I am trans because many will simply never talk to me again. So I keep "stealth" with them.
Facing our families and relatives who disown and shun us, and in this case, invalidate us. I have a friend who is banned from her home country of Dominica because her parents don't want her embarrassing them.
Being held to a higher standard of appearance because if we don't, we are invalidated, or worse, face violence. This is why we "play dress up" which is an invalidating and demeaning term in and of itself. You go out the house in a jeans and T shirt and people will laugh at you, calling you a ->-bleeped-<- and other slurs.
Facing pain and discomfort from the surgeon's knife so we can fit society's definition of what we know we are. Many trans women lose feelings in their face just so they can adjust their faces to look like what society thinks they should look like.
And speaking of feminine napkins - who says we don't use them? Not pre op but we sure have to use them post op because otherwise things will occasionally be a bloody mess, especially early on. Sounds familiar? It's not the same but as someone told me, you will be bleeding so much down there post op that you'll never want to see another feminine hygiene product again. Oh and there is also dilation which is a required ongoing maintenance process that happens FOR LIFE.
Anyway I never expected this from you but the Internet has no filter.
BTW the only people calling Jenner "brave" and "courageous" are others who look up to her. With all the hate she is facing maybe it is a well deserved title. I tell people don't tell me those things and just treat me like a friend. Maybe I should stop and they were right after all.
Signed
Your trans niece
"
I really just go so hopping mad I wanted to push the unfriend button.
When I came out to her, she kind of expressed halfway support. I always got the feeling that she never fully supported me. But I figured she would learn. I guess I was wrong.
