Hello Susan's , I am sharing with you the letter than I typed and will be sending to most of the family. I have a longer letter for my mother, but these are for those than are also close. I wanted to speak from the heart and unlike what I had done on Facebook a while ago to a few people, really tell them the whole emotional truth
A Open Letter to my family and loved ones
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An Open Letter to my family and loved ones.
Hello, It's me Shawn...the same Shawn who has loved you all from afar, even though we
don't often see each other. Even though we don't always write or call. Regardless, I still
think of you often and want nothing but the love and happiness that comes from above
into your life.
I know that by now perhaps most of you know that I have taken a journey to change my
outward appearance to match that of the internal one that God gave me (Body and Soul). I
know that some of you do not understand why I would do this. You might have thought
from your point of view that I was a happy young man full of potential coming out of a
sometimes rocky and unstable upbringing. You may have also known that I did not always
make the best decisions in my life and those have have affected me greatly and Karma
sent the lessons my way to be learned.
But now I want to share with you something that is special. Something that is helping me
to grow into a beautiful flower, instead of a withering vine like I was, full of depression and
anxiety, never really able to stand my ground due to many things (Like Being Bi Polar). I
was also never quite able to come to terms and grasp why I was so different than the men
and women around me. Why I had certain feelings and ways of acting that just did not
seem to fit in anywhere.
I discovered after much soul searching and taking the proper medicines, I was able to
come to a place of warmth and happiness that I have never, ever seen in my life. I have
cried tears of joy on many days for making this decision. One that I believe the Creator has
blessed.
I am a Two-Spirit. I am Transgender. I am a man. I am a woman.
The reason why I was never quite like my peers is because, well I wasn't. But I do also
know one thing. I had to do something about not only my bipolar condition, but also my
other self. Being able to embrace especially my female side has taught me that while I am
a Two-Spirit (A term in English that many, many tribes of Native America used and use) I
am much more of a woman. It was supposed to be this way all along. What was missing
was just the right medicines for my body and brain. What was missing was for me to allow
it to be true. What was missing was for me to accept it in my heart.
I could spend countless moments trying to explain to you the science and the spirit
behind all this. I could do that but, instead what I would rather do is share with you my
most inner thoughts, my most inner dreams, my most deepest love! You needed to know
that I am truly happy. I am truly content. Even with all the problems and the stares and the
people who may put me in danger, you need to know that this is worth it, because it is the
path the Great Spirit has called me to be on.
My heart leaps for joy at every sunrise. My eyes weep for every sunset. I appreciate every
moment now instead of always rushing to the next. I am far from perfect, but I am perfect
enough to live without regret. I am less fearful than I was and more confident. I am able to
see things and express myself artistically and creatively more than ever before.
I am like an airplane that was designed to fly above the clouds into the stars, but never
able to do much except hover slowly over the earth, wondering why I could never be more.
Well now I am more. I am still the same person you love. I am still the same Shawn S.
I am even still the same "Strickalator". But now I am also Sunshine. Yes
Sunshine. A name that kept on coming up when I would least expect it. I wasn't even
looking for it but there it was, being gently reminded to me to be that in my life. I listened
to the same God I have listened to before.
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If you take a look at the friends and church members around me, you will see the same
fruits of the "Holy Spirit" I did not stop being a Christian. I did not start serving evil.
I am hoping and praying that you can see my heart, see my actions, and see how happy I
am. No I think actually happy is the wrong word. I am Jubilant in my soul! I am thrilled to
be alive!
I am blessed every day when someone finally sees me as a woman. I am blessed when
someone understands and appreciates that I am a Two-Spirit. I am blessed.
I wish I could be there now with you all. The ones in Texas. The ones in Florida. The ones
in North Carolina. The ones across the planet. I do love you all and I am praying that you
have the love in your heart to accept me as I was made and to accept me as I am now. I am
praying you will offer me love and phone calls and emails and letters. I am all alone here
for the most part except for church friends and a few others including Family in San
Jose/Campbell.
It was time that you knew the truth. The entire truth from my mind, body and soul. I love
you more than words can say. Please know in your heart that it is true.
God, Creator, Great Spirit Blessings to you all:
Love, Shawn Sunshine
Love, The Strickalator
Love, Your Family
