Hey all,
I haven't been on this in about a month as I've been travelling non-stop around Ireland and between the US. Everything was going pretty alright until last Sunday. I was at an LGBT group and one of my best friends finally got his binder in the post, I was super happy for him! He got a spare and let my other friend of four years borrow it. I would usually be pretty happy about that but nope.
This friend was very homophobic and transphobic up until two years ago. When I came out to them as gay (this was before I came out as trans) they refused to accept the fact that I was attracted to women and constantly made homophobic remarks. When another friend came out as bi a few months later they still were homophobic. About a month afterwards they said to us that they were also gay, I was pretty pissed since they'd been saying horrible things about LGBT people up until two days before. On March 31st I finally got the courage to come out to them as a transman. They told me it was all in my head but then about a month later when I told them I was attending an LGBT group they said they were genderfluid and changed their name. I use their name and pronouns they chose but they still mess up with mine.
Anyways, they got to borrow the binder and will be allowed to use it up until December. Afterwards we went to the group and they were talking to me about how they told their LGBT+ phobic mother that they were attracted to women. Their mam didn't take it super well but now they're alright with it. While talking about that they told me that they had said to their mother that I am transgender and now go by he/him/his pronouns and by a different name. On the outside I had to pretend to smile it off but inside I was screaming I was that angry. I asked why they did that when I'm only out to people on Twitter and in the group we go (I'm not even out to my family yet). Their reply was "I wanted to see her reaction so I could see if I could be genderfluid". I'm still fuming and it's almost been a week. I've helped this person through a lot of ->-bleeped-<- and they repay me like that. They also said to me the other day "I'm more trans than you because I have a binder". I'm pretty sure they meant it as a joke but it doesn't feel like it.
Sorry for the rant I just really needed to get that off my chest. If any of you have tips on what I should do could you please drop them in the comment section?
Thank you all so much and I hope you have a beautiful day!
-Seamus

HI Seamus, that was a pretty raw thing they did. I guess you have to decide how valuable their friendship is to you. If you want to keep it, you need to calmly express how you feel and why. If not, there are likely new friends to be made, whether at your group or just around the other places in your life.

Quote from: LordKAT on August 28, 2015, 06:45:54 AM
HI Seamus, that was a pretty raw thing they did. I guess you have to decide how valuable their friendship is to you. If you want to keep it, you need to calmly express how you feel and why. If not, there are likely new friends to be made, whether at your group or just around the other places in your life.

Hey KAT! Thank you for your reply. As much as I do value their friendship they've been getting on my nerves for the past two months. I wouldn't want to break it off and even if I did they hang around with all my friends from the groups and elsewhere. I would love to express how I feel but whenever I do they automatically talk about themself and start talking about how much they hate themself. I tried talking to them the other day but the conversation went from "I didn't mean that" to "I hate myself why don't I die" within five minutes. I helped them out of that mindset then went back to how they made me feel horrible about myself but they still said "yeah I don't care bye" before not replying for hours.
It's really difficult for me to make friends sometimes as my speech is quite bad especially when I'm nervous and I have ADHD so people try to stay away from me. I try to value my friendships because of this so I really don't know what to do now.
Thanks again for the tips and I hope you feel fantastic today wherever in the world you are!
-Seamus.