There's something wrong with me... I've been getting more depressed and even more as days start to pass. yesterday I almost cried at my job as I wanted to die.. i feel more alone than I ever had and its killing slowly... it also hasn't help that I've been feeling pessimistic about my progress... i even stop practicing my voice because i gave up as all it seems to cause more stress when coworkers are saying they can't hear me (I originally had low voice so it's gotten even.lower in volume and higher in pitch since practicing).

I originally loved the hormones because I felt great and I had that feeling of happiness and could look in the mirror. I can't do that do that anymore as I look like hideous dude with soft skin.. I am reverting back.to only playing video games because I can't face reality anymore... I'm really really sad.. My feet are killing me so much I just want to chop them up.. I need therapy and need to see a doctor for my feet.. My mom wants me to go to Colombia to see a dentist... I seem to have to no break for the amount of problems I'm.having. My patience is slowly dying.. I'm getting fatter with all this depression..
This is so much suffering for me to handle sometimes.. What I would to hit a switch that could give me someone else's life...
Sorry for the insane negativity I'm bringing here.. I can't even look at people in eyes without feeling jealousy... People recently just eyeball me like I'm some strange creature at work.. Everyone I meet is telling to cut my hair... I saddens me

I could be wrong, but it sounds like you are self medicating as you don't appear to be in therapy and haven't told your parents. Self medication is dangerous and it can cause some strong emotional changes if you take the wrong dose. On top of that, it takes blood work to be sure the dose is correct for you as not everybody needs the same dose.

As for voice work, there is a right way and several wrong ways of obtaining a feminine voice. You can't force the pitch higher, you have to take advantage of what the voice can do naturally.

I think you need to work on starting therapy and if you are self medicating, stop. If you do this the right way, it will work and you will be happy.

What's self medicating? I go to an endocrinologist my therapist referred me to... Like I said on the first 3 months I felt great.. But this 4th has been the death of me.. Also I have told my mom... What made you assume all these things... I have told the majority of my family and all my friends.. It's honestly not even the whole trans thing that killing me it's everything..

It appears you haven't been talking about this in therapy, people are after you to cut your hair and your Endo is a doctor and could take a look at your feet.

If you aren't self medicating, something change or isn't changing fast enough to make you happy. Hormones aren't the magic treatment that make everything better, moving into the female role is. The last one to see the female in our face is  ourself. For me it took several years after I started hormones and I looked in the mirror and saw my mothers face looking at me. Others could see this long before I could. I when I first started taking hormones, I was in the male role and they provided a short term help, but the depression soon returned. I then located a therapy group where the others could help me make the change from male to female and I started living as a female. After I had lived as a female for a while, and I believed it was possible for me to live the rest of my life that way, the depression left me and never returned. This is something that isn't fixed with quick fixes. It take a long time and a good deal of hard work but it's worth it.

If you're seeing an Endo then you're probably not self-medicating.  Self-Medicating is when you dose yourself without professional help and constant check-ups like blood tests ect.  I've read that HRT can give you joint pain and sometimes can put you on an emotional roller coaster.  What are you afraid of:  not passing...  are you feeling alone because you're the only one going through this journey and no other person can understand or relate with it?  This journey is a lonely one but you're doing it for yourself.  You must see the person you want to become and strive to reach it.  Don't over do it and strain yourself.  That's usually the reason I can get depressed.  When I want things to go quicker than it will naturally go.  Keep your head high and focus on the end goal.  The first thing I do is also run back to hiding in my room and playing games, trying to lose myself in a fantasy world that isn't this reality I suffer with.  It's then that my mother knows that something is wrong and helps me cope with what I'm struggling with.  Talk to us please.  We want to help.  Keep your chin up and be proud of who you are and where you're going.  You'll be fine trust me.  This transition thing takes time but it's so worth it in the end.

If people are telling you to cut you hair, ask em why, and pleas have the confidence to say, tht why you should cut your hair, not why I should cut mine.

On top of that, people tell me to do my eyebrows, wear make up. I dont want to, it so much like hard work and im lazy, so yeah i aint putting that much effort into being myself, the pint of my transition is to stop making an effort to a[[eas otherpeoples opinion of my looks.

I look like I want to, not like people want men, r woman to look. Because I shouldnt look like a man or a woman, I should look Like me, And Im a woman.

Nothing wrong with playing games, realy, absoloutly nothing, IT helps the time go by. I play them, and yes somtimes i loose track of time. thats what i get for enjoyig them.

No matter how you look, no matter how much work you put into your apearence, you will never pass to yourself ever. the best you can hope to exspect is to see a happy person looking back at you. and understand that that happy person is you, no matter how manly or womanly you think they look.

Just be yourself, you wonna play games? do it. yu dont wonna play games? dont. You dont wonna cut you hair? dont.
thinking like that, is all you gotta do

One of the anti-androgens can have a side effect of depression,  although it isn't used in the usa so if you're there it's not that.

I got some pretty severe depression from Androcur, which was resolved by taking a break from it and resuming at a different dose.

your deppession could be dose related. any recent changes in medication brands, my pharmacy switched generic patch and i went into a 3 month tailspin, then i asked my doctor to to prescribe a twice a week patch instead of the once a week, lo and behold it was a miracle. previous poster mentioned anti androgems. progesterone can also be a culprit.
  if you have only been on for a shortt time maybe you are having mixed feelings, in which case serious therapy is in order. good luck

Quote from: ikanote on August 29, 2015, 01:26:53 PM
What's self medicating? I go to an endocrinologist my therapist referred me to... Like I said on the first 3 months I felt great.. But this 4th has been the death of me.. Also I have told my mom... What made you assume all these things... I have told the majority of my family and all my friends.. It's honestly not even the whole trans thing that killing me it's everything..

Yeah I know how that goes, life becomes too much to handle and you curl back into your shell. I went back and forth with depression even after years into my transition/hrt. It's really the struggles of life that depending on your circumstance can wreck you even more than the trans stuff. I hope you're able to break free from the depression soon <3

Also don't stop practicing your voice, I know its extremely difficult but keep at it every lil bit of practice you can do counts so much.

I play an on-line game and it really helps distract me. I had to set limits with the game.

I will start medication for depression tomorrow morning. This is something I put off until today.

Transition is slow. Set goals and a date to reach the goal.

I walk steps, 36 stories, walk 30 minutes each night and have a trainer at the gym. losing weight and getting lean muscle is my goal. I gained 25 pounds on hrt and have lost 11 of those pounds. I would like to lose 24 more pounds and I have a plan.

Eating gets more healthy every day. Allow a splurge and a cheat hear and there.

Change only one thing at a time and celebrate the success.

Painfull and especially swollen feet and perhaps legs is a sign of poor circulation. HRT may lead to blood cots. IDK, it is a hormone, and perhaps a trigger for diabetes.

I have always had circulatory problems. I was a very fat kid, and have a family history on both sides. Not moving around is a killer. I need to walk a good 4-6 miles a day to keep my legs and feet from killing me after a day of mostly driving a desk or a workbench on the opposite side of the plant. My only walking is between those two or off to a meeting.