Today is the first anniversary of my starting HRT. The estradiol and spironolactone I took this morning were the last doses of the old year and the dose of spironolactone I take this evening will be the first of the new year. The time went so fast! My skin is much softer, my hair pattern has shifted and fat has begun to redistribute. I have modest breasts. I also have a long way to go yet. The first three months were at a low dose, the other nine at an average one. My doctor offered to up my dose when I saw him a few weeks ago but I demurred. Oh how I've second guessed that decision. I'll likely take him up on it next time, if not sooner. Most importantly there have been significant mental changes. Some I'm sure from relief and from allowing myself to just be me, others a real mental effect of the change. I'm happier, more confident. Truthfully this past year has included more stress than any year since I developed PTSD more than a decade ago and the PTSD is gone, too! It died when the stress of hiding myself from myself ended. Despite the stress I still feel better than I have in years and I handle stress better.
I'm out to all my close family and friends. A Facebook post I've written and not yet sent will clue in the rest. Everyone I've told has been wonderful! Only my Sweetie, Randi, love of my life and wife of 34 years has had difficulty. I took it slow for her, although she doubts it. I'll continue to do so. Going slow for the person I love most in the world is a minor hardship. I do reserve the right to whine from time to time when it all seems too hard.
All in all, a challenging, but a wonderful year. I see brighter years ahead because I'm stronger now. It still amazes me that, as introspective as I've always been, there were corners in my mind so dark I couldn't even see the holes in my mental map. Now so much is clearer.
I'm looking forward to another challenging, wonderful year. As I write this I await letters from my endocrinologist to change my driver's license and passport. I agonize about how to fund the changes still to make. I'm sure there will be other challenges I haven't even glimpsed yet.
I was so frightened when this all began, but I had a motto some of you may recall:
"I'd rather be the ugliest woman in the world than its handsomest man."
There's a picture from two days ago in the "show yourself" thread if you want to see how I've faired.
I have a new motto now, though I still hold to the first one. There's a version of it below:
"If the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train, climb aboard!"
Bless you all my siblings. I love you all!
