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just a wish ... not more ...

Started by Lebedinaja, September 07, 2015, 04:06:44 PM

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Lebedinaja

In general: do you think its possible, to only have the desire to be female/girl/woman without being transgender/transexual?

I was thinking about the whole thing, about me never having really problems or dysphoria with my male gender.
So I tought: I cant be trans, I would feel very discomfortable then! Thats what I did not feel like exactly.
I remember now, when I was a little kid, maybe 5/6/7 I went to bed, hoping to stand up as girl the next day.
Sure it didnt happen and at the end it brought me to realizing - it wont happen, so forget about it.
Since I always had more phantasy than is good for one, I transfered this whole wish in daydreams that went on for more than 10 years. Now still...
I denied that I felt this way still, I tought sometimes I would be totally crazy, even thinking about something.
But well, having a free mind, I did weeks of research and now I would be on my way to start the whole process.
But I still have doubts, many doubts (normal?).
So I think: Maybe just my daydreams told me it would be kind of great, better, living as a girl and maybe I just read too much about this whole trans-thing, so I am believing something now, that is not true about myself...

Anyone got a similar story?
Anyone to tell me im just crazy and need to wake up? Or to go on....
Would be kind of ... great to at least know for myself, which way to go....
as my parents said:
Your just talking this in yourself! You have too much phantasy! Thats just the pharma-industry wanting to make money with you!

doubts....doubts...doubts

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stephaniec

for me it was more than fantasizing , it was an horrendous undercurrent in my day to day life. Everyone experiences this differently , this is just how it  affected me.
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Harley Quinn

Anything and everything is possible. You are really the only one that can answer those questions. Even therapists cannot make that call for you. They can help you find the answer within yourself. The sky's the limit on everyone's personal apiffanies.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)
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suzifrommd

Quote from: Lebedinaja on September 07, 2015, 04:06:44 PM
In general: do you think its possible, to only have the desire to be female/girl/woman without being transgender/transexual?

Yes, but I've found that cisgender people pretty much never wonder whether they or not they are trans.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Jenna Marie

I'm not *exactly* sure what you mean about not being transsexual, but I think I may have a similar story? I just realized one day that I wanted to transition - that it would make me happier. I do mean that I WANTED to, and made the choice to try transitioning; it was not a desperate necessity at the time. I experimented to see if various things about presenting female made me happier, and each time it did, I kept going. I would recommend something similar if you want to see how you feel about the whole process - keep in mind that it's not a specific required set of steps, so you can do as much or as little (or an assortment of things!) as makes you, personally, happy. You don't have to fit someone else's definitions or match the typical story in order to "deserve" to transition.
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allisonsteph

I denied I was trans for a long, long time because my experiences and feelings didn't match those of other trans people I knew. I didn't hate my genitals in the way that other trans women I knew did. Sure, I always wished I had something different, but it wasn't an all consuming hatred that many people have described. I did feel a compulsion to cross dress, but convinced myself that it was just that, a compulsion. Eventually I came to realize that I was much happier and calmer when I presented female than I did when I presented male. The icing on the cake was when I was presenting female at a party and an acquaintance that I did not get along with in any way, shape, or form said three little words that changed my life... "You look happy".

Those three little words started me down a path that eventually led to transitioning. I did research, a lot of research. I read close to three dozen books and discovered that many people don't fit into the "typical" story. It was then that I started speaking outside guidance and began seeing a therapist. With my therapist's help I was finally able to see that even if my story wasn't at all similar to the ones I had heard in the past, it didn't need to be. If transitioning was the right thing to do, I didn't own anybody other than myself an explanation. As suzifrommd said above me:

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 07, 2015, 06:24:29 PM
Yes, but I've found that cisgender people pretty much never wonder whether they or not they are trans.
In Ardua Tendit (She attempts difficult things)
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