Hello, I'm a bit younger than most of the people here but please hear me out. Sorry for the long post.

I'll just start a brief introduction of my life. I was born intersex (XXY), but in terms of outer physical appearance, I look like a normal female. My parents raised me as a girl until when I was around 10. Then for some ridiculous reason they wanted me to fully transition into a male (SRS + HRT). They said that living as a man would give me more advantages in terms of my education and work.

But after being treated and raised to act like a female since I was young made It harder for me to accept this. Seeing my body change into something I'm not used to and being bullied at school for my feminine attitude. I tried to cope with it for a couple of years until I reached my breaking point, tried commiting suicide twice in the past 3 years. Failed both but it caused me some brain damage (short term memory loss).

As for my parents, they are overly religious (Muslims), and they think that since I'm already a full time male it would be a sin to change back and the devil is just trying to tempt me. I live in a strict Muslim country where dressing up as the opposite gender or being gay could land you in jail and stoned to death. Tried talking several psychiatrists, but they also say the same crap as my parents. I don't know what to do anymore, I could run away to another country... They all treat me like I'm crazy and ignore everything I say to them. I doubt that I could bare living another year here, and afraid that my next attempt to kill my self would succeed. Hopefully someone could help me.

Tried to sum it all up as short as I can, thank you for reading.

Hi Rikka, welcome to Susan's. So sorry for everything you have been through. I'm intersexed as well and once they were allowed a particular route early on it was hard correcting that with them after the fact. I have no doubt your being in the country your in makes that more difficult. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Well here is a brochure that might be shown, by a reputable source... the british national health service...
stating being trans has biological connections...
so its nobodys fault... not an upbringing or whatever...
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
the NHS brochure explicitly states for trans people, their families and healthcare staff...

It might be translated via google translator.
Studies have shown there are differences in brains of women and men.
This difference is done before birth, through various transmitter substances.
Since brain and body develop at different times a mismatch is possible.

Its simply how people feel.

well and concerning religion it should all be about love imo... its love that should be there.
People are born with all kinds of birth conditions so it has nothing to do with any religion.

Here is another resource, which is quite emotional... a letter...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788
Parts of it might be translated.

Well the psychologists you saw are not current concerning transgender issues.
In the last decade many studies were published showing it has biological connections.
In addition to that there are international standards of care, called WPATH. You could look them up or look here:
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Standards_of_Care_for_the_Health_of_Transsexual,_Transgender,_and_Gender_Nonconforming_People

There are examples of countries which treat transgender people. As far as I know, for example i ran has a high number of srs surgeries.

You might also look on the internet for transgender groups in your country. Maybe someone knows a doc or psychologist who is helpful.


And if you feel like it please reach out...
there are suicide helplines, they have a chat:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org
http://translifeline.org


hugs

My heart goes out so much to you... I can imagine how hard it is... Go to the U.S. Embassy and get asylumed


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Welcome to Susan's Place. Your parents made the decision they did without understand that genders are not interchangeable. We learned that in the western world many years ago but your parents took a happy, healthy girl and turned her into a transsexual. Unfortunately you now need to do some long range planning. You need to find a new country to live in and then you will need to save for what ever surgery you will require to become comfortable in life. If you can, you should discontinue HRT to reduce the changes that will be required in the future. It will be a long hard road but I think you can have happiness in your future with hard work. I wish you the best of luck.

Welcome to Susan's. I agree with Dena. Perhaps study abroad is one route to take.

Thank you everyone. I am planning to move at least by next year, as for money I've already saved some just enough to buy a one way ticket and perhaps a decent place to stay at, just around $4000. I was planning to go to Sweden but they currently have an immigrant problem there, same goes to most of Europe. Plus I don't know anyone who lives there that could possibly help me.

Hi Rikka 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Big hugs
And a Big warm welcome to Susan's Rikka

I am so sorry to hear of the issues stopping you from being who you are and should be... It must be extremely painful for you.

Whilst the pain may feel insurmountable life is always the better option, as you become a little older you may find an opportunity to move out of the constrained environment. Not sure the country or your age, but I am sure that there may be some caring folks that could help you.

As far as your parents flipping right over when you got to ten with there change in they're preferred gender for you, I would suspect it was the Muslim preferred preference in status for male offspring.
May I ask of something? Have you ever actually asked them why? as if you were presenting as you should be up till 10, how did they explain that away? and I presume they now how desperate you are...

Anyway big hugs and kisses to you, and I really look forward to seeing you around the forum's... and I pray for you that you find a way out of that stifling environment that you are in, safely and happily.

L Katy 

I've already tried talking with them but they never gave me a clear reason, besides the one you stated earlier. Well, I'm probably not gonna last long...my dad punched me right in the face this morning for not behaving like a 'man' because I told him about my issues. I mean who's fault is this in the first place?.

I live in Brunei by the way. I'm also a student but my classmates and teachers ridicule and harass me regularly. I don't feel safe here, transfer schools several times every year but same problem. I should probably discuss it somewhere else since this is the introduction part of the forums.

Introductions are a good place to get your initial issues out of the way. I have already worked with many people's in introductions and there hasn't been a problem with it.

Well if he could be convinced it has biological reasons would it help ?

Is there a way you might transfer to a school abroad ?
In the us for example the health insurance might help with transition, with hormones etc.

Hi Rikka,

Perhaps a move to Sarawak, Malaysia might be the easiest since it's right beside Brunei.  A friend I have from there says they're much less judgmental about this sort of thing even though it's a Muslim country.  He says the large minority of Chinese decedents tends to moderate things.    Thailand is also close and may be an option.

When I went to university, years ago in Ontario, Canada, there were quite a few students from Brunei.  That may be another option.  You might be able to claim refugee status, probably depends on how the election goes in October.  The current Conservative government is not very understanding to say the least.

Good luck, for your own safety I would keep this to yourself until you have a plan.  I don't think there's any reason to believe you'll be able to convince your father or anyone else in the family.  Trying to have a rational discussion with people who aren't rational could be very dangerous.

I would suspect you'll feel like this is going to take too long but you're very young and have your whole life ahead of you.  I suspect that because you are XXY you'll have great results no matter when you transition.

Take care and be safe,
Paige

I'm not really sure but last year when I actually got a decent doctor who tried to explain that to my dad but he got fired because my dad complained to the director of the hospital (who was also a Muslim). That my therapist was lying and what he said was not stated in their holy book. The government here is hostile towards the LGBT minority, so obviously anything related to it is banned.

My parents are the type of people that won't trust anyone who isn't a muslim or from a different sect of Islam.

I used to think that studying abroad would be a great idea but my dad is kinda trying to force me to work at a local company that he owns.. I've also thought about applying for asylum or migrate somewhere but unless I know someone who can actually help me, like a friend of mine who ran away to Sweden because his parents abused him. Luckily he managed to get help from a couple he met online to adopt him into their family.

Quote from: RikkaScarlett1994 on September 12, 2015, 01:18:45 PM
I'm not really sure but last year when I actually got a decent doctor who tried to explain that to my dad but he got fired because my dad complained to the director of the hospital (who was also a Muslim). That my therapist was lying and what he said was not stated in their holy book. The government here is hostile towards the LGBT minority, so obviously anything related to it is banned.

My parents are the type of people that won't trust anyone who isn't a muslim or from a different sect of Islam.

I used to think that studying abroad would be a great idea but my dad is kinda trying to force me to work at a local company that he owns.. I've also thought about applying for asylum or migrate somewhere but unless I know someone who can actually help me, like a friend of mine who ran away to Sweden because his parents abused him. Luckily he managed to get help from a couple he met online to adopt him into their family.

Well you might kind of do the same.
You might look for contacts in a country you would like to go to.

Thanks Paige & Laura, I actually considered moving there once but since it's pretty close I'm afraid that my father would make a police report or something like that. As for Thailand, if I can find a support group there that could help me then I would definitely consider moving there but I'll probably need to be careful of human trafficking groups.

Quote from: RikkaScarlett1994 on September 12, 2015, 01:27:32 PM
Thanks Paige & Laura, I actually considered moving there once but since it's pretty close I'm afraid that my father would make a police report or something like that. As for Thailand, if I can find a support group there that could help me then I would definitely consider moving there but I'll probably need to be careful of human trafficking groups.

Well another option would be to ask your friend in Sweden if they could help you until you find a place of your own there...

Unfortunately, the last time I talked to him was 2 year ago. Lost contact of him after 3 months he moved there, I just hope he's doing fine. And Europe is pretty much a refugee zone right now due to the surge of people fleeing the war in Syria, so applying for asylum would be difficult.

Quote from: RikkaScarlett1994 on September 12, 2015, 02:01:04 PM
Unfortunately, the last time I talked to him was 2 year ago. Lost contact of him after 3 months he moved there, I just hope he's doing fine. And Europe is pretty much a refugee zone right now due to the surge of people fleeing the war in Syria, so applying for asylum would be difficult.

Well you might try thailand as well... but you might look around still...sometimes life has a way to come up with solutions...