I am so sick of having to present as male. I mean I get it I don't have enough clothes just yet and since I lost my job and with it the insurance that was gonna pay for everything I can't afford to start my journey. But presenting as male is honestly so depressing that I have zero motivation and all the things I used to enjoy feel hollow. I feel like theres no fun in the world and I can feel myself giving up hope. When I had the job my depression was lifting cause I had hope for the first time in a while. And now my dad wants me to go with him to see me brother and I was told I couldn't go as the real me because freaking my brother out would be selfish. No thought to my feelings the same as always because my brother has always been the favorite. But when something is bothering me so much that I have started having my suicidal dreams again I would think that would trump freaking my brother out and I can't help but hate him just a little for his insensitivity. I'm so depressed and I just feel numb and thats not good. It goes away when I'm in a dress and I feel genuinely happy but thats not good enough for him. Sorry for the rant but I had to get it out.

Hi Ella:

There are resources here and probably in your community that you should avail yourself of if you haven't.  Please give that a try.

Your family may never find it convenient for you to come out.  If you arrive at that conclusion, then you know what to do is obvious - come as your true self, just be sure you take care of yourself and don't let anyone abuse you.  If your living situation (given your employment) is an issue, that's a tough one.  However, being suicidal isn't workable.  I sounds as if you need immediate support and you'll have to reach out to get it but it's there. 

As difficult as it all seems, it may be time to disclose your true condition to you family, but this something I hope you can get some advice about and support to do.

Keep talking here and stay connected . . . many, many, many people here have faced very difficult times over these kinds of issues.  They can be a terrific place to turn to.

Take care and love to you and yours,

Rachel

   

See if you can find the cutoff as far as when you can legally consider yourself female. When I transitioned, for F to Ms, once you were on HRT and had your chest done, you could legally become a male. From there, see if there is a transgender group in your area. They tend to stay quiet, so look on the net. You might be able to start Hormone treatment although I don't know how much it is for female hormones.

Sometimes the family, or some members in the family can't deal with it and you may lose someone close to you for months or years. Growing up, my younger brother and I were very close. When I came out, he wouldn't talk to me for over two years. Our relationship has never recovered. Transitioning usually means paying a price that has nothing to do with money. People don't understand, and as far as your family is concerned, when you transition, they feel they have lost a son. That means going through a very similar grieving period. They have to take all the pictures of you out of sight and change their thought process. I had mine done twenty six years ago and my mother still makes a mistake and calls me her at least once a visit.

You may have experiences that hurt deeply. When I would visit my parents, it was usually summer and often early July. We would always walk to the main street where the fourth of July parade was. My mother would tell me to cross the street and not stay with her and my father so she wouldn't have to explain me.

You might want to google sites that have done research on transgender and the causes of it. Genetic differences, too much of one hormone in utero or a problem with the mother's hormones are all possibilities. Look at medical abstracts and copy them. Sometimes people can accept something like a transgender child if they think the cause is something that was out of your control. It wasn't your choice, but have some back up articles.

In the meantime, come here and talk to us. We have all had our trials by fire and can help you get through this.

sam1234

Someting to consider but may not be possible in your case. I was working in boy mode and had talked with two managers about coming out and within days, a massive layoff left me without a job. In my case I had money and wanted a little plastic surgery so I got that out of the way and as soon as I was healed enough, I started looking for a job in girl mode. It was a bit faster than wanted to do it but it worked. There is another thread where a board member made the switch to girl mode in about 2 month from coming out to full time without HRT or therapy. We are all stunned by her progress but motivation is the key.

Your other option is a temporary job or a job where transitioning on the job is possible. This decision will need to be made based on how much longer you think you can stay in boy mode.

Thankfully my dad is accepting if not supportive behind closed doors. It's not much but it is something at least. What I'm wondering is if it's possible for me to get a job where transitioning is possible and paying for insurance out of pocket. If I do pay for insurance out of pocket how likely am I to be covered for transitioning? I know not everyone here wants the full shabang like I do but I really truly believe srs is best for me. I think I could be happy with only being my true self at home and not at work but doing that would mean I'd eventually have to find a new job when I could no longer convincingly dress like a boy. I am already taken for female out in public provided my shoulders and legs are covered so since I'm naturally so androgynous its my understanding that hrt will work really well on me.

We have several ladies who work for Walmart and they have received great support. In some states, transgender treatment needs to be included in the insurance written in that state. The truth be told, I paid cash for my surgery and received a check from the hospital about a month latter when the insurance company paid off.
If you can pass as female, I would suggest you get a job as a female as transitioning on the job will require you to wait out the probation period and you may want to wait even longer to make sure your job is locked in.

If you need to buy private insurance, people here may be able to recommend a policy but the most important thing for you to do is read the policy before you buy. The wording will be pretty clear when you find it and if not, provide a link to the policy and have somebody here read it.

Quote from: Dena on September 13, 2015, 08:02:47 PM
We have several ladies who work for Walmart and they have received great support. In some states, transgender treatment needs to be included in the insurance written in that state.

I'm one of the ones here that works at Wal-Mart and has transitioned on the job. Wal-Mart has very good polices for transgender workers in place and I haven't faced any notable trouble so far. I even got a promotion shortly after transitioning.

Let me give you some advice if you do by some chance end up applying/working there. As Dena said if you pass as female apply for a job as a female rather then transitioning on the job. While mine hasn't been that bad it was kind of weird for about three weeks or so.

This advice goes for Wal_Mart or any job. But at least at Wal-Mart show that you are a hard work and learn as much as possible. The stores usually have a high turn over and are happy to have people with a lot of knowledge. As when applying for jobs research the policy's towards transgender workers and also your state law. This came in handy for me a couple times at work as a few managers never looked up the new information.   

I think it's been basically covered, but definitely check the resources in your area including those for clothes. Then you need to decide on how can you go in boy mode, as others mention, and then look for the appropriate job based on that and transgender policies. It's always best to be made aware of policies and laws that affect because it can come in handy at some point. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Another uptick for Walmart. I've worked there about three months, came in male, being cautious. Within a week I found out one of the managers is trans and off I went!

I wear 1/2 cup size padding in my sports bra because getting hit in the boob with a heavy box can ruin your whole day. I get, complements, smiles, and spontaneous shes and misses on a daily basis. The HR person is so flaming it almost makes you laugh.

We work hard, we smile a lot, we don't get paid all that much, but most of all, they respect hard work and team players, regardless of anything else. They want to keep good people so they don't sweat the small stuff. The dress code is unisex. Not that skirts aren't allowed in the code, they just don't care what sex you were assigned at birth if you wear them.

Oh, and they didn't balk at giving me two weeks off already (unpaid) when I told them I had a non-refundible cruise booked for early October.

I can heartily recommend Walmart as a place to work, barring the salary.

Yes. It is depressing to sometimes wear long pants. I feel relieved as I am now wearing skirt.

barbie~~

Might be worth checking into whether you qualify for Medicaid based on income? If you're unemployed, you might. Medicaid covers both HRT and GRS when ordered as medically necessary

Quote from: Dee Marshall on September 17, 2015, 11:32:04 AM
Another uptick for Walmart. I've worked there about three months, came in male, being cautious. Within a week I found out one of the managers is trans and off I went!

I wear 1/2 cup size padding in my sports bra because getting hit in the boob with a heavy box can ruin your whole day. I get, complements, smiles, and spontaneous shes and misses on a daily basis. The HR person is so flaming it almost makes you laugh.

We work hard, we smile a lot, we don't get paid all that much, but most of all, they respect hard work and team players, regardless of anything else. They want to keep good people so they don't sweat the small stuff. The dress code is unisex. Not that skirts aren't allowed in the code, they just don't care what sex you were assigned at birth if you wear them.

Oh, and they didn't balk at giving me two weeks off already (unpaid) when I told them I had a non-refundible cruise booked for early October.

I can heartily recommend Walmart as a place to work, barring the salary.

At my store I know of two openly gay department supervisors. Also one of my previous managers was openly gay as well. I'm one of two transgender workers at my store that I know of.

As Dee said at WalMart work hard and show your value. As long as you are hard working and honest you will be golden.

I've thought about wearing skirts sometimes, but decided against it.  While I'd love to as I hate pants with a passion, I do get up on ladders sometimes and crawl around the floor from time to time.

Insurances vary on what they will cover and what they won't. Part of it also depends on whether your Dr. is willing to put codes in that will allow coverage. For instance, my testosterone shouldn't be covered by my insurance, but my Dr. codes it as hypogonadisim. That is covered. Transgender changes and hormones aren't.

The other thing is that you can get in over your head if you pay for insurance out of pocket. When I first started working after school, my transition was far behind me, but I wanted to keep the insurance I had for fear that my employer would somehow find out that I was a transgender. The practice was small and my boss was very much against transgenders and alternate lifestyles. Last year, my policy was grandfathered in when Obama care started. It also raised my rates and now I have to pay almost $1,000 a month out of pocket to keep my insurance. Next year it will go up to about $1,200. Since I have multiple health problems, I have to keep the one I have.

Anyway, just be careful about what you are getting with an out of pocket insurance, check coverage and prices as well as price increases.

sam1234

Sam, not sure about your precise case, but remember that one requirement of the ACA is that all pre-existing conditions MUST be convered by any new insurance. So the old paradigm of "I can't leave my existing insurance because any new insurance company won't cover my pre-existing conditions" is no longer true anywhere in the US.

Not sure if that helps you or not, but I figured I would mention it.