The Straight Men Who Have Sex with Trans Women

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-straight-men-who-have-sex-with-trans-women?utm_source=vicefbus

Broadly Vice/by Diana Tourjee  Sep 17, 2015

"I met Matt in his home, thirty years after that fateful day in his teenage bedroom. (His name has been changed to maintain anonymity.) We sat on opposite ends of an ultra suede sofa, he in a pair of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. Now in his late forties, Matt is a solid man, limbs thick from decades of manual labor. He's safe now, free after years spent in anguish. "It made me mentally ill," Matt said, his rough mouth blackened by 5 o'clock shadow."

It's a good read. I think this is something that is super important. I think the shame that is putting on men for liking us is ridiculous and causes a lot of harm. Especially to the trans women that get hurt by constantly being objectified because society tells men that it is wrong to like us.

Honestly I wouldn't have a problem with a straight, trans attracted man as long as he treats me like a woman and not  a man.

Quote from: iKate on September 19, 2015, 08:36:21 PM
Honestly I wouldn't have a problem with a straight, trans attracted man as long as he treats me like a woman and not  a man.

The only reason I want a date a man would be to be totally treated as a woman. The only fantasy I have of men is seeing myself totally female being held in there strong arms and enjoying. I really want nothing else as far as men go.

I'm sorry but this is ... ugh. The straight white man has it so hard sometimes, ya know? He should get a medal for daring to treat us like people. And he was so confused by the wall sex-workers keep up toward their john's. Blarg, I'm so annoyed right now. Because our being trans is really all about the people attracted to us, since we're their objects of affection.
Huzzah for one guy who potentially might come out to his parents and friends as straight. His journey is so inspiring, for all the guys who fetishize us whose hearts grow three sizes and make them want a secret girlfriend with below average self esteem.
Sorry not sorry for raining on this article.

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edit: I'm attracted to masculinity. If my partner can't treat me like a worthwhile girlfriend and human being, then I don't want anything to do with him. Not if I have to lend him my pair of balls.

Quote from: iKate on September 19, 2015, 08:36:21 PM
Honestly I wouldn't have a problem with a straight, trans attracted man as long as he treats me like a woman and not  a man.

I don't see why it would be a problem, if he is  just trans attracted. I mean many of us are totally hot and if a guy thinks my being trans is actually a positive then I think that is awesome. I don't want a guy to love me despite the fact  that I am trans. And I don't want him to be ashamed of me. I want him to love me as a human, and love my trans-ness. If he treats me bring trans as a negative, then I am gonna feel so insecure in the relationship. Like it well make me worried he's gonna leave me for a cis women.

Same goes for cis women.

Quote from: Obfuskatie on September 20, 2015, 04:42:53 AM
I'm sorry but this is ... ugh. The straight white man has it so hard sometimes, ya know? He should get a medal for daring to treat us like people. And he was so confused by the wall sex-workers keep up toward their john's. Blarg, I'm so annoyed right now. Because our being trans is really all about the people attracted to us, since we're their objects of affection.
Huzzah for one guy who potentially might come out to his parents and friends as straight. His journey is so inspiring, for all the guys who fetishize us whose hearts grow three sizes and make them want a secret girlfriend with below average self esteem.
Sorry not sorry for raining on this article.

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edit: I'm attracted to masculinity. If my partner can't treat me like a worthwhile girlfriend and human being, then I don't want anything to do with him. Not if I have to lend him my pair of balls.

Don't you see how men like him stepping forward and admitting their attraction to trans women benefits trans women. Currently the only time you ever hear about straight men with trans women is when a celebrity is involved in a "sex scandal"  with a trans women. Then news media outlets and the majority of commenters shame them and call them gay.

Not only does this misgender us it also makes loving us taboo. It makes it hard for us to find relationships. Especially since the porn industry shamelessly exploits us as hypersexual people. That along with shaming straight men for seeing us creates this idea that we aren't worthy of love.

Unfortunately this message even makes it into the minds of trans women, as well as their potential partners, and that, in and of itself, is enough to cause severe depression for a trans women.

Men need to step up and face the potential shame that they might get from their friends and family.

Also you mention the secret girlfriend part. I think guys like this who admit semi openly to loving trans women, will help normalize loving trans women in the future. I say semi openly because he still kept his name a secret. Which says things about how men who are trans attracted are treated when you think about it.

I think it's ridiculous to expect straight men who typically have no exposure to the trans community to openly love us, while at the same time you criticize a man who comes forward with his love for us despite the fact that the news media treats his attraction as a huge taboo. Men who are attracted to us face transmisogyny indirectly. Often they are straight and if their love for us is exposed they will face a sudden rush of transphobic/ homophobic crap all at once and they won't know how to handle because they have had straight privilege their whole life. I'm not  saying it's cool for them to have a secret trans girlfriend, but I am saying that the more straight men that come forward with their attraction to is the less likely it is that we will be kept as a secret or secondary girlfriend.

Not really, no I don't see it. I guess it annoys me so much because it makes it seem like we're the problem. I can't wait for some straight white guy to be willing to be associated with me, oh wait I have friends.
How about we deal with the actual problem, unmitigated hate. Let's get some serious mitigation instead of waiting for white straight guys with hearts of gold to deign to save us. Grr, this article rubs me the wrong way, and ->-bleeped-<-s are kinda creepy.
Or maybe I'm wrong and we should throw a tiny parade for each of the bravest men who are willing to anonymously openly admit to fetishizing us while seeing us as human beings. We are the people who have to deal with the real challenge of coming out. If we can do it, then they can stop whining about how hard it is to face a reality they facilitate.

     SHrugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edit: But they aren't coming forward. They're barely sticking up for us. And it isn't open acceptance. This article is about men still sitting back, relaxed in the shadows thoroughly tired after patting themselves on the back so hard for how magnanimous they are.

Edit2: I'm sorry for being a negative nancy. I still can't muster a whole lot of empathy for guys like "Matt," but I personally know exactly how hard it is to come out to people, as well as sticking up for myself and knowing when not to bother agitating the frothing bigots. But "Matt" and guys like him aren't the problem, rampant homophobia and violence is the problem. While good people like "Matt" stand by, evil remains the unchecked and unquestioned status quo.
Maybe they need a special support group just for the straight white guys so they can gather and figure out how to deal with not having the privileges they used to because of who they are dating. Maybe guys shouldn't feel the need to brag about the women they sleep with like we are achievements or accomplishments. Maybe our society is so lopsided that change will only occur when enough men actually help it to happen. Maybe I'm just mad because I keep getting the run around from the guys I'm dating, who tend to prefer minimal effort. I don't know, maybe I have too many reasons to pick one as to why this article bothers me, because I usually try to be very positive especially on a forum that needs extra more positivity.

Quote from: Obfuskatie on September 20, 2015, 11:25:16 AMEdit2: I'm sorry for being a negative nancy. I still can't muster a whole lot of empathy for guys like "Matt," but I personally know exactly how hard it is to come out to people, as well as sticking up for myself and knowing when not to bother agitating the frothing bigots.

I totally get where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel the same way. But sometimes I am just happy when people are open-minded and willing to let their instinctual attraction decide things, haha