Thanks to you all. I get that the number isn't all that big, it's just that anyone with the same shoe size seems to be taller than me, and they look, to my eyes, overly big for the rest of me. They are also thick, wide and muscly in a way that women's feet never are. So finding shoes with enough volume in them is tricky, especially when it comes to my toes, because the end of my foot is the widest part, and doesn't taper like women's feet do. If I go the size up they are too long on length so slip off my heel.
Hormones haven't changed them a bit, but I'm hoping that after srs there might be a slight thinning of muscle at least. I was thinking of taking up running, in the hope it might tone and slim my legs and feet a bit.
And yes I do realise that I have to make the change in my head. It's just been very upsetting for me, and I really struggle with it. My legs in general are quite big boned, especially compared to the rest of me.