I have been having a very difficult time trying to figure out where I fit in. Someone mentioned that perhaps I am Gender Fluid and other people have told me other things so I am not sure where I fit in. I do know that sometimes I feel totally male and other times I feel very feminine and girly when I think about what life would be like as a female. I imagine my life as a female and how different it would be. If I had the time and the resources I would def make the change and the transition to becoming female but since I don't its almost impossible to do so.

I wish that I had the balls to make the change and I live in a place where gender therapists don't even exist and would have to drive over two states to just talk to someone about it. I have a feeling that once I do that perhaps I will have a better understand of myself and the direction that I want to go.

I keep making my age as an excuse of why I can't make that transition but perhaps I am just scared of change. I guess there are so many categories within the transgender community that I am just trying to find my place.

I've heard tell of gender therapists that operate over Skype. Might be worth looking into.

Quote from: Sandy74 on September 20, 2015, 01:57:42 PM
If I had the time and the resources I would def make the change and the transition to becoming female but since I don't its almost impossible to do so.

It doesn't need to take a lot of time or resources. Female clothing can be had at second hand venues for very little. There's no requirement to take hormones, get surgery, or laser/electrolysis. All you have to do is declare yourself a female.

If you decided you had to be a passable female, or needed the latest fashions, that takes a bit of money. But I've come across homeless and jobless trans women who have transitioned. Passability is not a requirement for living as a female.

But you're right, it comes down to whether or not it is right for you.

I really didn't think about the Skype option but that is a great idea though I would have to go to a hotel to make the call since that would have the most privacy, I will look into that.

You could also sit in your car outside of a Starbucks and steal some of their WiFi. That will at least save you the cost of a room.

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Quote from: Sandy74 on September 20, 2015, 01:57:42 PM
. I do know that sometimes I feel totally male and other times I feel very feminine and girly when I think about what life would be like as a female. I imagine my life as a female and how different it would be. If I had the time and the resources I would def make the change and the transition to becoming female

I keep making my age as an excuse of why I can't make that transition but perhaps I am just scared of change. I guess there are so many categories within the transgender community that I am just trying to find my place.

To me that sounds pretty genderfluid! I am very much into being seen as all male and I have legally changed my documents to male- that being said, I am a lot more comfortable with my body not being 100% manly and I have stopped worrying as much about measuring up (sometimes literally) to standards someone else has.  I am extremely comfortable being seen a neuter/neutral as long as I am not called girl/her female pronouns and I love to dress up in typical women's clothes for fancy events.  You can totally work on small things that are not out of reach cost wise, as well as make plans for the future.  There are legitimate therapists via skype and other online media, they would not have to cost you a kidney to see either.  Since you seem a little on the fence, I would say it could be good to talk with a professional if you have the time and ability.  Certainly not mandatory though!

  I had the option to waive the fees for changing my name and gender- I know not every state is as friendly as California, but many courts will have the option to prove you can't afford it by having you fill out a boatload of paperwork.

I am extremely guilty of parking in front of the local cafe at midnight to mooch off the wireless, so this is a legit option XD

Some days I feel like a nut, some days I don't . . . (pun intended)

In every instance, I'm still always already me. ID doesn't change, presentation changes. ONE person though, I don't move back and forth between "femme" and "macho" -- or whatever.

Let's be clear here. I don't "disguise" myself as female. I don't "pass" as female -- not to any degree I'm aware of, although I realize that some small children can't figure out my gender.

Physically I'm cis-M . . . stuck with it. Wish I weren't. Not enough surgical steel and hormones in the world to transcend me into the female I aspire to.

Some days I'm inclined to stress the "F" presentation. Some days I don't press the presentation and that results in "cis-M" -- but mostly on the edge of the uni-sex, ambiguous boundary. The Harley Hog regalia, full leathers, black, is pretty "M" -- but I know a fair number of butch lesbian women who wear the same riding gear.

We're not broken. We don't need surgery, hormones, and coaching to be who we are. Culture is catching up. There is less and less strict, formal boundary between one gender presentation and another.

Presentation is one issue.

The issue about who you are physiologically -- genitals, hormones, etc . . . That's a complex set of parameters. I wish I were born female. But for me, realistically at 67, "transition" through surgery and hormones is not going to afford me the changes in myself that I seek.

I am who I've been all my life. Radical medical intervention is not going to change who I am.

I'm not sure how old you are Sandy, but I made my transition when I was 38.  Really if your health is good you can transition at any age.  If you're still breathing you can do it basically.