I know that labels are labels and we shouldn't be caught up in them, but I can't help wondering if it's "okay" to refer to myself as a lesbian. I use "okay" loosely because I just don't want to come across as invalidating those that are trying to draw a definitive difference between being a lesbian and being transmasculine. Not identifying as a girl or a boy confuses me as to what to say my sexuality is since I'm into girls. I've heard of the term "gynosexual", but for me that has a negative connotation and sounds like it's fetishizing women. Idk, it just doesn't seem right.

Depending on the situation, I sometimes feel it's safer for me to say I'm a butch lesbian rather than someone who doesn't fit the binary genders. People seem to grasp the concept of a masculine woman than someone who is masculine but doesn't fit "boy" or "girl"

So back to my original question, would it be "okay" to say I'm a non-binary transmasculine lesbian? Do other people who identify the same way and are also into girls also call themselves that?

I label myself as "woman loving" - kind of side steps a number of issues. I feel like I don't really belong in the lesbian community where I am from. I don't have the same background. I've used gay in the past, or simply queer.  Sometimes it is easier just to avoid jargon altogether and just describe it like it is. In my case the conversation goes something like "hey it is a little complicated - I like presenting as a woman and having a female body, I'm transsexual, but I identify as neither a girl or boy, and I love women romantically and sexually."

I don't thing there is anything wrong with labelling yourself as a lesbian - it does come with a bunch of social baggage. Yeah people get the term but they also have a number of preconceptions attached to that. Also there may be people in the lesbian community who may object to you using the term.

But I think as long as you are aware of this it is probably a good way to go, particularly if you don't want a big discussion about it.

When people ask for my sexual orientation, I tell them I'm queer. Anything else tells more than they have a right to know. If someone really wants to know more, and I feel moved to trust them, I'll tell them the whole story - that I'm a non-binary trans woman who mostly favors women, but is curious about what it would be like to be with a man.

But most of the time, I just say "queer".

I like women, want to be one.

I'm not comfortable with male sexuality, don't want to be one.

Just say "I'm masculine but don't really feel like a boy or a girl"

They may ask some follow-up questions but that it a simple way of putting it.