Hi all,

I've been a member here for a little while - although I've gone stretches without posting much.

Anyway I feel like I'm at a loss and I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life.
I don't mean for that to sound "woe is me" hopeless, but I could just use some solid advice from other people who have been/are going through this.

I just graduated with my BA in May. I've had a full-time job since then. I was sort of out there... I go by 'Erin' at work and one of my managers knew, but after they left I was back in the closet. I just accepted a new job (I start on Sept 4th) and again I'm going by Erin, but they don't know why. My new job is selling cars, I'm really into cars and my degree is in Communication - that plus my sales background and I got the job pretty easily.

So on paper, I am successful. For this I know that I am quite lucky.. But it finally feels like even though soon I'll have enough money to get my transition moving, I could be risking the job by doing that. It's all great and fine to say "Be yourself - that's more important" but my partner doesn't have regular income and neither of our families have very much money. So this new job could support 2-4 people and that seems like too much good to risk losing it..

I guess what I'm trying to say is what would you do from here?

I'm going to go to a sperm bank and save things first off - that way when I can afford to get back on HRT I actually can
(I stopped after a week because we realized we wanted to save some for the future).
After that I may try to get some hair removal done.
But after that, I don't know what would be the smartest?
Try to get back on HRT and use a binder - or what?

Again I already go by my preferred name and have my hair; it's really just pronouns
(which annoyingly are one of my bigger triggers..).

...I'm sorry I know this post sounds all rant-y but I just met with my therapist,
and as lovely as they are, they aren't very trans educated, so I felt like I did more explaining than anything else.

Thanks in advance!
-Erin

I figured I'd reply here rather than make a new post; hope that's okay..

Lately I've been having a really rough time. I've been trying to be "out" as much as I can at home; and while more time as myself is great it's been making going to work (and really anywhere I'm too scared to be myself at) that much harder. I'm sure that others know this pain, and while advice would be nice, I'm really just venting to an understanding crowd..

In other news I finally made a Facebook profile as myself that's been pretty nice. (If anyone wants another trans friend, let me know)

Edit: I'm so much happier with photos than in reality, but here's a photo of "me" at home..



Anyway, thanks for listening..

It depends on you body type. I was on hormones 3 years presenting male without binders (didn't even know what they were) and surgery at 5 years with a double a cup. Other gained what I had in a few months. You should start appearing in public to get your confidence up in your appearance before coming out on the job. You are in a people related business and my game plan for that job would be to explain it to everybody you work with then take a couple of weeks off so you start with a new batch of buyers. Of corse, getting the facial hair under control is a big plus so you don't have to worry about growing your hair out for treatment.

In my case, I had just started to come out when I lost my job so I cleaned up lose ends and hunted for work as a woman. I would have liked a bit more public exposure before starting job hunting but that would have meant taking another job as a male and waiting until I was secure enough to transition on the new job. In my mind I had waited long enough. By the way, you look very feminine and attractive in the picture so stick with the look. 

So you are a "purveyor of horseless carriages"...I did many years (after nursing} as a Car Salesman so I understand the thrill of the sale.

Are you out with your fellow sales people? Just being nosey...and have you sold heaps?

No advice from me as I have just finished outing myself to the world...hey world I'M Trans... and am only really just starting to be able to let Sarah go and be herself/myself...ourselves?

I love the photo's and you look gorgeous, hugs from me and I hope you are feeling better about yourself soon. I have a profile on FB and always looking for friends.

Hugs

Sarah T

Hi Dear:

Sooo, it's exciting and scary, yep!  I/we can relate.  Here's just something to think about:

Transitioning is about two things - First, yourself image both internally and externally (your being taken holistically) and Second, trying things out and being out there (it's a doing thing). 

Therapy and support groups are great for the first and forays into the world where life occurs is great for the second (support groups for the second thing too).  Sooo, be sure you are being good to yourself with the proper care/treatment and begin to regularly get out and try on your true self!  (It'll be fun and a little scary and a bit crazy and . . . and you will be sooo alive!).

Love ya (BTW: you're very cute),

Rachel

Hair removal, yes, hormones, also a yes probably.  Just keep an eye on the progress you're making, hehe.  I've been on hormones 3 months now and definitely see breast tissue developing.  I can pull together some decent looking cleavage with some sticky-bras, but as long as I'm not wearing a tight-fitting shirt, you wouldn't have an inkling day-to-day.

I'm so glad you're getting to be yourself at home most of the time.  That's important.  And I totally understand the dread of going back to work in boy-mode each day or after a long, girly weekend.

My suggestion would be to start feminizing your work attire if possible.  Find female slacks that meet the dress code but are more fitted to your body.  Baggy pants make me want to /wrists now!  And get/wear some fitted polo or get your dress shirts tailored to a more fitted look.  You may not be able to get away with wearing a skirt and blouse any time soon, but this is a good start.  Female jeans and sneakers also did wonders for my mentality.  I also found some female wing-tip dress shoes with a 3-inch heel!