So far all I have posted about on the forums is my brief intro. So here is more about me, my life, and my struggles. I had similar feelings to many of you growing up, so I won't go into details of that right now. I came to more of a realization of my transgender self six months into my marriage at the age of almost 21. I fought the feelings and dismissed them as irrational, but as you all know, they are always there, so persistent. Two years into the struggle my parents passed away, less than three months separating their deaths. I was a junior in college (a private baptist university) and working at the time as well as being married for less than two years. My father had a 5 year battle with glioblastoma multiforme, a type of brain cancer. My mother succumbed to the stressors and overdosed. Shortly after my mothers grandparents both passed as well, leaving me with a brother and sister as my only remaining family members that I really even know. My wife and I tried having kids earlier this year as well, resulting in two miscarriages.
So since then, I have graduated college, started a teaching job, (one semester down, one to go) started seeing a counselor, and accepted myself as transgender. My wife has known about my struggles as soon as I came to realize them four years ago. As I told her that this is not a choice, but who I am and something I have to do she accepted that and we were going to try to stay together. Quickly she realized, and I did too, that it would not work so we agreed that we would be friends, which is what our marriage has mostly been, a best friendship. So we go with that for a few days and she is telling her family that we are getting divorced, but remaining friends and last night she basically tells me that we can't be friends. She would like to stay in touch, aka email each other a couple times a year, but I think that is just her giving in for now, doubt it will really happen. Her family says that they are here for both of us and to call if I want to talk, but I think that was just a nicety as well. I'm not allowed to see any of my nieces and nephews on her families side anymore and I'm not supposed to comment or even look at anything of my wife's on Facebook. So it seems our friendship outside of our relationship lasted a grand total of 3 days. She started talking to a guy online two days ago and has been talking to him almost constantly.
So that leaves me with my brother and sister as my only support, and I'm not even out to my brother. My sister is supportive, but she has a new full time job, two kids, going through a lengthy divorce and dating a guy, so not too much time for meand my problems... My brother, though I haven't talked to him about this, I doubt will be very supportive. The one thing I see as a positive is that I am meeting with a support group on Sunday so I will hopefully make some new friends. (I didn't mention this but my wifes and my lives and relationship consumed us pretty good, so I don't have anyone in my life who I can say is actually a friend)
That is where I am right now, living with a woman I'm not allowed to really interact with, working at a job that I won't have during or after transition, lacking family around the most family oriented time of the year, and struggling everyday to make it to the next. So this is me looking for words of encouragement, advice, or simply friendship. Thanks for reading!
Toni
