For the last couple of months, I have been weighing my options about coming out.  Call me chicken if you wish, but I am leaning strongly towards not doing so.

Coming out publicly was never really an option.  It would be too difficult in this small rural community, and, having moved twice in the last two years, another move is not going to happen any time soon.

My issue was whether or not to come out to my wife.  While I love her dearly, she can be quite judgemental.  I cannot honestly see it going well.  The odds are more than 50-50 that it would break up our marriage. 

Quite apart from the emotional cost, there would be a financial cost as well.  We are modestly comfortable financially, but dividing our assetts would leave us both in poverty.  Both of us are too old to start over.

I have lived with the dysphoria for decades, so I know I can handle it.    On the plus side, now that I understand my trans nature, I feel a bit of weight off my shoulders.  Understanding isn't living, but it helps.  On the down side, I don't feel good about continuing to sneak my cross-dressing in when my wife is out of the house.

I wish I had made some different choices years ago, but I think I have to live with the ones I made.  *sigh*

We can't make that decision for you, only you can. If you can be comfortable with cross dressing it is much simpler than everything I had to do when I transitioned. You are still welcome on the board and I suspect you will still have things to talk about that you won't be able to tell anybody else. You will not be the first here who has delayed their transition because of relation issues. What ever you decide, let us know if we can help you.

To me, "Coming Out" is a relative term. IMHO, Really coming out to yourself is all that ultimately matters.

I knew from an early age I was trans. I also knew from an early there was nothing I could really do about it. I spent like 50 years doing one thing or another to manage my dysphoria that mostly worked. Cross-Dressing was one of them. (BTW-my wife knew).

A few years ago were some dramatic upsets in my life which led to the point I am mostly at now. Reconciled. My female side taking her rightful place beside the male aspect. I came out, for real, to myself.

Thanks, Dena and Joanne.

I am sure I will continue to visit Susan's Place.  I don't have anyplace else where I can discuss this stuff, and the support is very helpful.

Joanne, your perspective (coming out to oneself) is one that I hadn't considered.  I like it, and it helps.

Hi KathyLauren

I have just come out to family over the last few months, My wife knew I was a crossdresser but I kind of had to start again once I knew that it was Dysphoria behind many of the issues I had. I was becoming increasingly more distressed as faced some truths about myself.  It has been a difficult but very liberating experience and has helped me make a tough decision. I do hope you are able to handle your Dysphoria because mine has a nasty way of making itself known no matter how hard I suppressed or denied it.

I understand when you talk about being in that part of your life where you are comfortable financially. If you are sure about remaining in the closet for the rest of your life then it is something you have to decide. 

My biggest concern would be...How do you think your wife/family member would feel if she/they found out by accident? If you were not there to explain it to them the right way? Life has a way of getting us and you may remain undetected but to do this year after year and handle the dysphoria sounds like an awful lot of stress. I do hope you get to where you want to be.

Sarah T

Kathy, you're stronger than I am. I couldn't stand the idea of continuing my life as a man, and I was even willing to risk (and ultimate lose my marriage) to transition.

I hope you continue to have the strength you need, and that your life works out exactly how you decide you want it to be.

Would someone please chim in and explain Dysphoria, and how it relate to Transgender people?


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Quote from: Chrissy5946 on September 27, 2015, 06:55:54 PM
Would someone please chim in and explain Dysphoria, and how it relate to Transgender people?

The unhappiness we feel when our external presence doesn't match our internal expectation for our gender.

In other words, when I see the parts of me that look like a man's parts (before my transition, that was pretty much all of them), or when people treat me like a man.

Suzifrommd, Thank-You.
I do not suffer much from this, and I wonder why?
I suspect the following,
I'm happy with my body, I'm not needing it to match my female assignment, is this unusual?
My core is female, it trumps all else, im feeling as though I should feel way more compelled to transisition, but I don't, why?
I need to start some threads on philosophical reasons for transisition I guess.


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