I have been stuck in this male body for 29 miserable years. I never want to be a male, transition to become a female is highly unlikely because I think that dyinh would be a better way of end this male body. I'm unemployed & feel like a not worth saving. Hell I'm suicidal to point of my life doesn't matter[emoji22] [emoji17]

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Hey Nariko

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Please talk to a Lifeline or Support Line ASAP.  One thing to keep in mind is that 95% of transwomen of all ages and body shapes seem to go into transition believing it will never work for them... for a very large majority of them it wrks out in ways they could never have envisaged. So don't write yourself off before you've given yourself a chance. You need to deal with the depression first though, and self harm is not the way to do that. Please be safe.

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Cheers

Grace

Hi and welcome to Susan's. As Grace said please reach out for a lifeline. Every life is precious, important, and worth saving. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Hugs
Mariah

I never really good at talk to person on phone or big group. I always drink when going shopping by myself or I always go with family members to shops. If I need smokes, alcohol or coca cola to mix with alcohol that I try to go when everyone is in bed or ask family member to get it for me. I feel safely isolated in my room, it's like a safe haven for me.

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A good safe environment is a good start. Have you tried talking to a therapist yet? They could be someone you could talk to in person without having to do it over the phone and without having to do it in a group. One thing I learned from my first go around at transitioning and why my transition was successful this go around is that I learned to focus on what I can change and not get bogged down on what I can't do anything about. Hugs
Mariah

Welcome to Susan's Place. We often face many fears when we are transgender and only by overcoming those fears will we find happiness. Your fear of leaving your room is your first problem and then you need to deal with the transgender feeling you have. This will all require that you receive some form of therapy.

I was once at the point of suicide but I made the decision to try to fix my life instead of take it. There was much hard work to do but I found happiness and I am glad that I didn't take my life. Ask for help and put out the effort to get better and some day you will be glad you made the effort.