Today my mother told me that my "weird" behaviour (not following gender stereotypes, hates dresses etc.) is caused by eating unhealthy foods, which made me think differently. I've never been more angry when I heard this because my mother and my father (who probably came up with this stupid theory) are so stubborn. They believe that being LGBT+ is a mental disorder. A MENTAL DISORDER. I get it they're trying to "protect" me because they care about me (thus I am grateful for that) and they're "hoping" to "fix" or correct me, or that I'll be more girly when I grow up. They probably think that I'm a lesbian, because I fall into the stereotypes, however I'm "worse" because I'm a transguy. I have no idea what to do about this and now I'm too scared of coming out.

I'm 13 now, but it has been a few months since I accepted myself. I'm really tired of waiting until I'm 15/16 to transition and I'm even starting to have suicidal thoughts! How can I deal with this whole situation? Sometimes feel like I'm disappointing my parents being different and getting average grades (they're asian btw).

Here are a few links to resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197044.msg1753512.html#msg1753512

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439

- there are links to hotlines, if you feel like it please reach out... they also have a chat
- sometimes people have no concept. Transgender people were around in all cultures. Its just that in some cultures its not reported as often. But transgender people are in every culture present.
- in which country are you ? You might talk to a school counselor... someone from plannedparenthood... look for a PFLAG chapter...

We can provide an education to you that will help you in your discussion with your parents if you think that approach will work. The only other solution is to find an adult who will support you and help you argue your case. It could be a school consoler, a relative or adult your family trust. For different reasons I wasn't able to start on my transition until I was about 27 and I understand how it hurts but your best option will be a long term solution. This will mean you need to find a profession that will provide the income you need to transition as it appears your parents will not help you.

I believe I can go to my school counselor, but my parents aren't very good with english and might not believe him because he's white.  I don't even know if my school counselor supports trans rights too. But I'll try reaching out to others.   

Just remember they are transitioning in a way also. You have known your feelings for a while. They are just finding out about it. Can't wait until you are 15 or 16? OMG! Honey, try 47 years as some of us older transitioners had to do because of the way things were back when we were 15 or 16. It is a whole new world now. You should count your lucky stars we paved the way for you to even consider doing it successfully at 15 or 16.

Hugs, Nathan.

Please give yourself credit for being in a tough situation. It's very hard when you're 13 to get yourself heard by your parents and to get them to understand how horrible gender dysphoria is and how hard it is to deal with.

I wouldn't give up trying to educate your parents.

Your parents need to know that:
* You didn't choose to be trans
* It's not going to go away on its own and it can't be "cured".
* It is serious. Depression and anxiety results when adults ignore it. Can be worse for teens.
* Transition is an effective treatment with a very high success rate.

Don't be afraid to repeat these things as many times as you can. Sometimes people have to hear things multiple times before they're willing to think about them.

I also echo Laura's thoughts about trying to find an ally among the adults at school, or in your family or your parents' friends. Contacting a local PFLAG chapter might help if there is one in your area.

But MOST IMPORTANT: If you find yourself feeling suicidal (which is understandable) please do not act on it. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please keep the following link handy and call one one of the hotlines if you're thinking of it.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187824.msg1670671.html#msg1670671

Nathan, we're here whenever you need us.

I think Nathan isn't wrong to feel desperate at the age where puberty begins to leave its most damaging marks on our bodies.

With progress, comes higher expectations, and that's a good thing. Much like how the UN recently declared internet access to be a basic human right, I think pre-puberty medical intervention should be the ideal to strive for with what we now know about the pre-natal biological causes of a transgender identity, and the devastating effects of leaving it untreated.

If we didn't all demand and fight for more recognition and rights, we would all still be late-life transitioners. In a way, us older transitioners had the bliss that came with ignorance, when we believed what society told us, that our identities were wrong and that we could be "fixed".

Nathan is young, and aware of what's now possible with medical science. He's in a place of desperation and despair as he watches the first signs of puberty begin to take effect while knowing it doesn't have to be this way.

I think the best way to support him is to hear his grievances without being dismissive, and to offer helpful advise and assistance, as much as is possible online.

Nathan, where are you located? Depending on where you live, you may have access to psychological or medical help, and those of us familiar with your local laws could weigh in.

Quote from: NathanIsAlive on October 09, 2015, 06:06:07 AM
Today my mother told me that my "weird" behaviour (not following gender stereotypes, hates dresses etc.) is caused by eating unhealthy foods, which made me think differently. I've never been more angry when I heard this because my mother and my father (who probably came up with this stupid theory) are so stubborn. They believe that being LGBT+ is a mental disorder. A MENTAL DISORDER. I get it they're trying to "protect" me because they care about me (thus I am grateful for that) and they're "hoping" to "fix" or correct me, or that I'll be more girly when I grow up. They probably think that I'm a lesbian, because I fall into the stereotypes, however I'm "worse" because I'm a transguy. I have no idea what to do about this and now I'm too scared of coming out.

I'm 13 now, but it has been a few months since I accepted myself. I'm really tired of waiting until I'm 15/16 to transition and I'm even starting to have suicidal thoughts! How can I deal with this whole situation? Sometimes feel like I'm disappointing my parents being different and getting average grades (they're asian btw).

Nathan, I understand your feelings.. even though at thirteen I did not know what was wrong with me..
Be thankful that the world has changed for us.. keep communicating with your parents.. educate yourself as much as you can.. keep busy.. and keep your grades up.. stay on the ball and look to the future..  I highly recommend a good therapist that you can see on a regular basis.. if you don't like the first one get a second.
Get a gender therapist.. they will like it because you are trying to understand yourself better.. if you are trans you can be diagnosed and they can help your parents understand.  Dont go to a christian counselor.. waste of time..
Love
Keri

Thank you so much for your kind responses. I live in Hong Kong, so I don't have much resources around, but I know there is this one lgbt website, which is http://www.tgr.org.hk/index.php . I'm anxious to go to my school consuler since I know they will tell my parents at some point. Therapy, and especially gender therapy is quite rare and expensive around here. I know that all of my close friends are very LGBT friendly, though I'm still afraid that they will tell other people.

I'm aware that this is very hard for my parents to accept, since this goes against everything that they have been taught from a young age. Though they are not religious, stuff like this in China is very uncommon. I told my mother about how people don't choose to be LGBT+, nor they are mental disabilities. However every time I try to educate her, she just shrugs it off. But there is a slight improvement recently since she was very calm when she was talking. As for my father, I'm very terrified of him. Due to his bad temper, I don't know how he'd react. I never talked to him about LGBT+ issues, but I know that he can be very open-minded when he is calm.

http://rainbowhk.org/tg/index-en.html

There seem to be transgender counselors there...


hugs