So im in a fraternity in college but feel like I identify as a transgirl more than as a male. When I tried to come up with the excuse that the fraternity is too expense for me to stay in it. They convinced me to stay in it another semester and to not worry about the money. I don't know if I trust them with the real reason why I am thinking to quit. So I don't know what I should do. I only have 3 more semester left so should I just stay in it?

Life is too short to spend even one day of it being someone else other than who you are. If they are truly your friends, your fraternity brothers will understand. If they don't support and accept you then they are not worth your consideration.

Quote from: CatherineFay on October 12, 2015, 06:37:25 PM
So im in a fraternity in college but feel like I identify as a transgirl more than as a male. When I tried to come up with the excuse that the fraternity is too expense for me to stay in it. They convinced me to stay in it another semester and to not worry about the money. I don't know if I trust them with the real reason why I am thinking to quit. So I don't know what I should do. I only have 3 more semester left so should I just stay in it?

When I was a senior in high school, about 2-3 months in was when students started meeting with their counselors to discuss future plans. College, trade school, military, etc. I said I only wanted to apply to out-of-state colleges. Preferably on the west coast. My plan was to get away from everyone and everything I knew or knew me so I could start transitioning. I don't recall exactly why, but I applied to one college in-state. I was accepted and I guess I gave into fear of the unknown, because that's where I wound up going. My first semester I roomed with a guy friend whom I had known since we were toddlers. Second semester we joined a fraternity together. The guys in the fraternity were all great guys, but I was still fighting a war in my own mind. I really liked the friends i had made and was suddenly scared to lose them. Like yourself, I was pretty sure most of them would not be ok with the truth. As a result, my grades suffered and I eventually flunked out of school. Back home in familiar territory, I fell right back into my same old routine of denial. I still feel college would have been the time to do it right. Like suzifrommd said, if they're your friends, they'll understand. But if you don't trust any of them enough to tell them your reasons for wanting to leave, then personally, I would just go. If you feel you need to tell them something, just say personal reasons. I understand the feeling of fitting in that being in a fraternity can give you. My problem was as much as I felt welcome, I also spent my time there feeling like I was on the outside looking in. Not to mention my constant envy of all the sorority girls lol. In the end you have to make the decision to stay or go for yourself. I know it sounds corny but follow your heart and you can't go wrong. I hope you are able to find happiness in whatever you decide.

Hugs
Kayla Marie

In my opinion, presuming that this would be safe to do so, talk to them about it. Just remember that not everyone is accepting, and your safety should come first.

Guys can be tough, especially college guys. Not wanting to scare you away from the idea - just be careful. Not everyone will be understanding or even willing to accept.

If they are decent and understanding people, mention it to them.

Well I told two of them so far and they are saying that they will still be my brothers and will help me in any way they can. One also said that we can talk through the woman in the fraternity stuff


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't know.

I went to an all boys school and I regret it. This part of my past will always out me when I mention it...

You have to do what is right for YOU. Talking through it here is certainly a good part of making that decision. Had I that decision to make, it would be a no brainer for me. I'd tell them and make a graceful exit. Some will admire you for your decision and wisdom. Then get on with transition. I truly feel a college campus is a great place to do the transition thing. Yes, you will get some negative feedback but you are also in a space surrounded by more open minded people than you will ever find in the rest of your life. I do know that younger people are more open to these things than the older farts you may end up working for.

Also, consider what a fraternity is for. You are cementing friendships that are supposed to help you through the rest of your life and working career. What will they think if you transition later? Any less? Any more? Perhaps it is a toss up. Maybe you'll never meet again. I can't answer those questions.

That's just my two cents worth.

Chin up and all of that.
Cindi