I was not in the greatest frame of mind today and was feeling pretty down. I text my Youngest daughter(23) to see how she was doing so she decided to come over and see me. We normally have a great time together but this afternoon was different...it was great different. I have never spent this kind of time with her before because we talked about many things including her boyfriend, her job, my transition, her mother, her sister, her and of course me.
She started to ask me specific transition type questions which I answered...would I change my name when it got to the point that I was presenting mostly female, what did I like to wear did I have my own style, don't get false eyelashes because they are a pain, what was I going to do about my hair (head) did I won a wig, and so on and so on. I also managed to get her to start looking at things differently, I said to her "if we look at gender dysphoria in relation to me what does it actually mean."
I got her to consider the idea that
My essence, my being, me never was male but always female...
I won't become a woman because I already am one.
I will be aligning my presentation with who I already am...
when she started to get a hold of the truth of these concepts it made her eyes grow wide....she may take some time to process this which is just fine.
She also asked if I had any photo's of myself and I told her I did also asking if she wanted to see one. I could see her wanting to back out so let her off the hook by telling her another time was Okay. Her response was to say ...no I really do want to see...So I set up a couple of shots from my makeover, the ones taken when I was just sat down relaxing in between "shots". I took the plunge and showed her...Her mother is the only other significant person to have seen them
She genuinely exclaimed with almost relief "Oh Daddy you look great , I love the dress and you look really beautiful in it. Wow mum was right you do look like Hannah (My Mum), Thank you for showing me you look really pretty" she was beaming at me from ear to ear and I know she was genuine...as for me I had the weirdest cascading of feelings I have ever experienced in my life ending in simple joy. No person that is of significance to me has ever seen the photo's apart from my wife and for them to evoke such a genuine positive reaction was hard for me to process initially.
So my response of course is to tear up...my daughter thought she had done something to hurt me but I told her not at all exactly the opposite. I could not tell her what was in my heart it was so full...I tried and simply choked up again. I eventually thanked her and told her that what she had said to me had made me incredibly happy. She said I am glad because it is true you do look really great. I think she was relieved apart from other emotions she was experiencing. I know her opinion is a biased one but being told you are beautiful really does wonders for your psyche.
What an afternoon...I will cherish her reaction for many years I expect. It is certainly imprinted firmly in my memory.
Sarah T
