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Is this an okay forum to ask about dating sites?

Started by Aazhie, October 15, 2015, 02:42:32 AM

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Aazhie

I want to ask what sites people have had ... mostly good experiences on?  But not sure if this is the proper section?

Anyways, looking for clinical, hard reviews of the various sites like OKCupid and such, how are the sites you have tried exclusive of queer/trans people or culture? How are they inclusive?  Are there any sites where the site or community was more or less kind towards transgender users?  I'd be mostly okay using a site that is a friendly community even if the site has limited options for gender expression in profiles.  Not at all against more extreme sites like fetlife, but I already plan to make an account there specifically, don't need as much info there :D

Edit: I realize FL isn't really a dating site but the majority of my friends there sort of treat it as such, though very casually and as noninvasively as possible ha ha
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
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Cindy

You can ask for general experiences, but no links and no attempt to use this site as a dating site is allowed.

I've used OKCupid, just met men interested in nothing but sex.

My last encounter, he brought me a coffee, sat and then said, 'would you feel more comfortable going to your place for sex?'

I poured the coffee in his crotch and left. It was quite hot coffee, so probably 'cooled' his desires!
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Aazhie

thanks! .... also...

WOA CINDY.  I can't believe how forward that was! 8(  That's a bit of a bummer, though so far any sites I have looked into aren't much better.  Wow... just wow.
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
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Laura_7

People have made some good experiences on OKC and Plenty of fish.

Online dating is imo a numbers game.
It might be a good idea to make a good profile... looking at other good profiles and at tutorials, and integrating good ideas...

getting active yourself... looking in the surroundings and contacting people yourself...
maybe with a positive remark... hey you have very nice earrings in your profile pic... where is it possible to get those from... etc...

and filtering a lot of people... saying no if necessary, of course in a nice way...

and, well, there is not only online dating.
A good idea might be to get out and go to where other people are... meeting some other people you have something in common with...
cooking courses... food tasting courses... etc... community courses... its possible to ask what kind of people usually attend...

same for online places... people can meet at chats of places they like to be... a fan site... a hobby site... whatever...
just observe basic safety rules... meet at a public place... etc...
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Laura_7

Quote from: Cindy on October 15, 2015, 02:47:56 AM

I've used OKCupid, just met men interested in nothing but sex.


Well have you made it clear that you are looking for a long term relationship ?
A short remark in the profile should do...
and maybe a remark romantically inclined...
so its clear its not only fast encounters...
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Devlyn

I have an OKCupid and just opened a Fetlife account. The OKC generates about four contacts a week now, a little over half are women. Fetlife isn't really a dating site, but it's interesting. I met my lover on Craigslist, so don't believe everything you hear about that site.

Hugs, Devlyn
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Rejennyrated

Hehe speaking as someone who found my fiancé on this site I'm staying out of this one... :P

Actually as a serious point it depends on what you want, but ironically in my experience most people on dating sites are looking for easy sex... For true romance I've always found that it has grown unexpectedly out of a friendship struck up in a non dating context such as various forums that I am member of dealing with everything from medical training through writing and science fiction and of course here.

In my experience no one will criticise you if a chance romance blossoms on a non dating site as long as that wasn't you primary reason for being there, and such relationships usually have deeper roots and hence last better than those conducted in one of thx many meat markets. Just my experience ... :)
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lisarenee

Quote from: Laura_7 on October 15, 2015, 03:50:31 AM
Well have you made it clear that you are looking for a long term relationship ?
A short remark in the profile should do...
and maybe a remark romantically inclined...
so its clear its not only fast encounters...

The men on OKC don't bother to read profiles. I have run into the same issue and my profile clearly says I'm looking for a Long Term Relationship and NOT casual sex.
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Laura_7

Quote from: lisarenee on October 15, 2015, 12:58:06 PM
The men on OKC don't bother to read profiles. I have run into the same issue and my profile clearly says I'm looking for a Long Term Relationship and NOT casual sex.

Well but you could look at their profile then...
and ask in conversations... how they see their future etc...
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RavenL

I haven't had any luck on the dating sites personally. On OkC I did meet one guy and just messaged for a week and I made it clear I had zero interest in sex. Started planning out a date and then he started asking if he was going go get lucky. Much like Cindy I would've poured coffee on his crotch. He stopped talking when I made it clear that it wasn't going to happen and the date fell through.

Other then that I haven't had any luck at all. Mostly since my profile says I don't have an interest in sex since I am asexual. But I look every few days and maybe I'll find the right person.

Sent from my SM-N900T using Tapatalk






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Laura_7

Quote from: RavenL on October 15, 2015, 03:00:29 PM

Other then that I haven't had any luck at all. Mostly since my profile says I don't have an interest in sex since I am asexual. But I look every few days and maybe I'll find the right person.

Sent from my SM-N900T using Tapatalk

Well if an emotional connection is there it might be possible some romantic feelings arise...
you might get active yourself and contact a few people  :)
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Aazhie

Devlyn and ReJenny I have no major problems with Craigslist or 'other interest' sites and don't see an issue with finding romance on a site like this.  After all, we tend to have a few things in common here and people's quotes and interests can say a good deal about how one might get along with them in some ways!

I think using caution and good sense is the best course, but it's annoying how many guys don't seem to care about anything but hook ups. I've gone through phases of being mostly to completely asexual and I'm kind of getting to the point where I'd be interested in FWB things, but the key part for me is friends.  I can't just enjoy anything if I'm not comfortable with a person. 
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash
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Laura_7

Quote from: Aazhie on October 15, 2015, 03:27:09 PM
I've gone through phases of being mostly to completely asexual and I'm kind of getting to the point where I'd be interested in FWB things, but the key part for me is friends.  I can't just enjoy anything if I'm not comfortable with a person.

But thats completely ok... there should be an emotional connection...
if its not there its no use imo...
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suzifrommd

OKCupid seems as good as it gets. Tried a bunch of others, including Lesbotronic, Plenty of Fish, and a site whose name escapes me just for transfolk, and none of them produced the traffic that OK Cupid produces.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Laura_7

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 15, 2015, 04:08:15 PM
OKCupid seems as good as it gets. Tried a bunch of others, including Lesbotronic, Plenty of Fish, and a site whose name escapes me just for transfolk, and none of them produced the traffic that OK Cupid produces.

It depends on where you are.
POF might be more active in the UK.
Both of them, and possibly craigslist, are relatively big sites with possibly quite a few people in the vicinity.
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TG CLare


I poured the coffee in his crotch and left. It was quite hot coffee, so probably 'cooled' his desires!
[/quote]

Hope it was a de-caf otherwise he would have been "up" all night. (lol)

Love,
Clare
I am the same on the inside, just different wrapping on the outside.

It is vain to quarrel with destiny.-Thomas Middleton.

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dr. McGinn girl, June 2015!
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kitten_lover

Heya

I'm a transgender woman and looking to date. I have been on more mainstream websites such as OKCupid! and Plenty of Fish and found it quite tiring to have to tell someone I'm transgender, everytime. I don't feel entirely comfortable having it on my profile, although I have before, but always feel it important to tell someone who is interested in me that this is the case. This is for two reasons: 1) I am pre-op, they would find out anyway. 2) When the other person would meet my family it's important, as I don't want my family feeling uncomfortable. So, to keep things honest and stress free, my opinion is that it's best to disclose this information to the person your dating, despite whether you pass or not.

Ok, so....I decided that the best way to find a fella, would be to go to the places where men are interested in trangender women. Now, I don't have much experience with this. I was a member on TVchix.com for about a year, my experience was: There a lot of men who have particular fetishes, and transgender/crossdressing/->-bleeped-<- women who like to date others who are like them. I am not interested particularly in either. That leaves a lot of guys who I have found, secretly like to dress up themselves (again, not a trait I particularly am fond of in a guy - sorry, just my preference) or guys that cannot find a genetic female who will date them and so a transgender woman is the closest to this (I have found this to be the case with much older gents) or guys who are dom/top and are just interested in f*****g - no matter who it is with.

The above are not the type of guys I am looking for. I would like to find someone age appropriate, who can match up to the struggles I've had (coming out, transitioning etc) in terms of courage/braveness to be out and proud with their girlfriend. I know there are such guys out there, but where do I find them?

So I've had a brief look on google and typed in transgender dating websites....and google has returned the following results: tsdate.com, transgender-date.com, tgpersonals.com ...etc.

Has anybody used any of these websites? What has your experience been? What can you reccommend? Is TVchix.com still the go to for dating?

Before signing up to any one of them, I'd like to know what your thoughts are and hear some advice.
"The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice...it is conformity."                  ~ Rollo May, Man's Search for Himself.
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