Hi!

I'm a university student from Hungary. I've had some conflict with myself about my gender identity before, and I'm still not sure I have myself all figured out. I was born male, but sometimes, I feel I'd much rather live as a woman - I've had such ideas since high school - and I've even constructed this female alterego for myself, imagining what my name would be, how I'd envision myself looking... while at other times, I feel relatively happy the way I am, as a male. Dunno what's up with that, but whatever - not sure if this is supposed to be gender dysphoria or whether I just don't really fit into traditional gender roles (that's a given, for sure). Sometimes I have bouts of depression and anxiety, which probably don't have anything to do with my gender identity (well, it could, hell if I know), but they don't help (I guess it's not as bad as the situation many other people here describe themselves in). I sometimes use the label "genderqueer" to describe myself and have always thought about crossdressing - it's just that I live at home, and I really don't wish to come clean to my parents, so I'm probably gonna wait until I live alone and have some steady income for all the clothes and such.

I confess, I signed up with the intent to post a specific thread (which I'll make later) to ask trans people about certain experiences (since I haven't actually gone through such a process), but I might stick around and post about other things every now and then. For now, one question I do have is: how do I set my gender (in that little box I see below people's avatars)? I see nothing in the "Profile" or its subsection "Account Settings" sections that would help in this regard.

Hi Black Arrow,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

What you are currently feeling and experiencing is quite normal. If you want to dig deeper and clear up the depression and anxiety along the way, may be good to check in with a gender therapist who can help you navigate the labyrinth of feelings, emotions and the rest of this roller coaster ride you're on.

To answer your question; from memory, you need I think 10 posts under your belt before a whole heap of added bonuses come your way.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be kind to yourself, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Black Arrow, welcome to Susan's. Each of us is affected by our gender differently and are degree and level of Dysphoria isn't always as apparent. You could be somewhere in between genders like non binary. A therapist would be a good thing for you when your ready. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Thank you for your responses so far. Yeah, I'll probably do the therapist thing at some point. An issue with that, of course, is that I really don't wish to discuss any of this with my parents, at least for now. They're nice people, but over the years, I've noticed they're the kind of people who are good with accepting LGBT people in the abstract, but would probably struggle with having one of their children be one. (I've not come out with my bisexuality either.) Probably not in the form of intentionally hurtful comments, but they'd probably joke about it in a way that I wouldn't like, etc., and my mother is really bad at not talking about things I feel uncomfortable discussing... so again, either I have to wait or do this undercover, and I'm really not sure about the logistics of it here in Hungary and how much it would cost. Appreciate the support though.

Hello Black Arrow.  I can relate to where you are coming from.  When I was younger, my dyshoria bordered on raw hatred for my physical self.  As I grew a little older, things settled out a lot...never completely going away though.  90% of the time I can get along with myself, appearance and all as long as it is not thrown in my face (ie, too many mirrors).  For the other 10%, I am capable of making myself into whatever I feel like.  I love my female self, both the inside and outside and have loads of self love.  Being able to tolerate my male self as well just makes life easier.

My therapist brought out of me a real path to becoming my own self and now I am transitioning with a 3 year plan.  Your thoughts on seeking one out seems sound.  They can really help you with sorting out an appropriate course of action based on what you want to do.

Hi Black Arrow 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M