Hello everyone!
My name is.. well, right now it's Jakob. I'm biologically male, but have recently made the terrifying decision to start transitioning to female. I don't have much of a story, or at least, not that I find interesting. I come from a mentally abusive home that I left at 16, been living on my own since then. Growing up with my parents, I learnt to always bottle my emotions and feelings, something that until recently, I've kept up with.
I can't define a point where I felt like I shouldn't have been male. Because I've always bottled my emotions, it's hard to set a starting point for everything. When I was younger, I used to love dressing up in my grandmother's clothes. She thought it was cute, my mother yelled at me for it. Ever since then, I never really did it again. I was scared of my mother. At around 12, I started having dreams where I was a girl, and to this day my dreams always feature a female version of myself. I feel uncomfortable in my own body, but like everything else, suppressed it because of fear. Fear that everyone would hate me for who I wanted to be, fear of failure, and fear that even if I went down that route, it wouldn't work. Today, I'm making the choice to not let fear hold me any more. I'm sick of fear and hiding. I'm honestly not quite sure where to go from here. I've already messaged a local gender therapist, and am hoping for their reply.
I've always been told I'm very feminine, and have girly hips. I hope that proves true when I start the transition. I know that I've put on a few pounds. While depression doesn't hit me as hard as most others mentally, it certainly has made me more lethargic. Where I used to be 140 pounds, I'm now 180, and it completely bothers me. My small frame was always a saving grace, it was a feminine part of me I could be proud of.
But... I feel like I'm talking too much, and my shyness about the entire situation is creeping back in. Can't wait to meet all of you! Also... how do I configure my profile?
