ONE of the things we get to face besides daily pressure's, losses and other aspect's of transition are the horrid dreams we have when asleep. Tonight it seems is no different for me personally. Not only do we dream about everyday failures and events, but the issue's, failures and questions about our core identity. A kind of "perfect storm" of nightmares where there are no firm realities of any kind. What I mean by that is this. Most of us were forced to live two separate identities and lives for so long that were forced by societies pre conceived notions of "normalcy" that our subconscious is a mess. We have a skyscraper base made of sand at high tide. We live on a treacherous mountain ledge in an area of frequent earthquakes. Even though we have a strong sense of our own core identity living those two very distinct lives has hurt us more than we know. Dreams are made of daily memories, stress and witnessed events. Those who are born and assimilate into a flawless sense of self, identity and worth have bad dreams. People like us with Gender Dysphoria who suffer fear, confusion, loss and stress every day have nightmares of EPIC proportions where there is nothing, but doubt in every dream. *SIGHS*. We cant even escape into ourselves for a brief respite. Just this week I have dreamed of being murdered, loosing what family I have and now tonight dreamed I lost the love of my life. All made much worse by the hormones we all take and the new emotions that ensue. We have to learn to deal with the emotions and physical development of a 13 year old, but with the same adult problems and responsibilities daily. After a night of no sleep and horrid dreams we have to face the realities of life in public that sometimes closely match our dreams. That leads me to think that we trans people are some of the strongest in the world. We put up with so much extra baggage daily, but carry it with our heads up high and a smile on our face hiding the pain from those who tell us what we are going through is a lifestyle choice. We go to bed sometimes beaten, battered and shaky from everyday life and face it all over again inside our own heads, but still get up in the morning and do it all over again. I fear like every other brother and sister in this community that I will lose this inside strength and belief in myself. I fear that some day the nightmare may become too big and become reality. If you are close to that point please, PLEASE reach out to this community. As you can see none of us are exempt from these feeling and WE DO KNOW WHAT AND HOW YOU FEEL. PLEASE let those of us with strength remaining give some to you! ALL of us no matter how successful we seem in selfie's, post's or daily life have the same emotions, fears and dreams you do every single day. ALL of us no matter how hard we try to hide it know where you are right now. If you are trans you are not alone and your problems are not unique.
