Whilst I agree that, yes, doing other things aside from focusing on your transition is healthy and the way to a happy head, I'm not entirely convinced by the advice to 'find new interests'.

Personally, and I accept this may be wildly different person to person, I'd already built a life that I enjoyed because life is to be enjoyed. I got into things I like, hung out with people I like and went to places I enjoy. Once I started aligning my body more effectively with my brain I didn't just up and leave that life as all those things were still massively important to me as a person and to my happiness.

Particular activities aren't solely 'male' or 'female' pursuits and I see no reason why, if you like going to raves, or fixing cars, or electronics, or going to the theatre, or running, or fighting robots or whatever, that you can't continue to do these things during and after your transition?

I often think that the 'I was this and now I'm this' approach that is often advocated can, potentially, be quite damaging as the added pressure of, effectively, starting a new life on top of everything else, which has the symptom of cutting off any support networks that have been built up, must add more anxiety and stress to an already pretty heavy situation.

I'd imagine, for some people, those around them may be toxic enough to make this plan of action a good move and everyone has a different situation that they are operating within so nothing is black & white. I do feel that some trans folk, either due to the community line of thought or because therapists think this is the only way to go about things, just assume they have to cut all ties and make a new start when this, as many people can no doubt attest to, is definitely not the case.

Obviously, everyone's mileage will vary wildly, this is just my 2 pence worth, for what it's worth, as it's a subject that's been bothering me a bit as my transition has progressed.

This is something I'm kind of concerned about in regards to therapy requirements... I'm self employed (art + design) and I work at home. i live quite rurally (like practically in a field) and so i don't get out much! I didn't make any lasting friendships at school and at uni the friends i made have since moved to the other ends of the country. the only contact i have out of my immediate family is my boyfriend and he lives a couple of hours away from me.

I do occasionally go to things like exhibition openings when I've got pieces out there - the last one i went to a few of my friends from uni were there too. but I'm just starting out so this isn't a regular thing. aside from that my pieces would go off to galleries on their own or be sold online.

I've already had problems with the fact that art used to be a hobby and once i got my degree it became a job, so i don't have any down-time activities. i also kind of don't have time for hobbies (i shouldn't be online now i should be working >.> but no one's in the house so i'm procrastinating)

I'm worried that i'll be required to get a part time job to prove that i'm transitioning socially and how this will impact my main work... if that's something i have to do the other alternative is to rent studio space instead of using the space i have at home, so that I'm in a 'working' environment. but studio space is expensive and i can't drive...

Quote from: Peep on October 20, 2015, 08:14:35 AM
I've already had problems with the fact that art used to be a hobby and once i got my degree it became a job, so i don't have any down-time activities. i also kind of don't have time for hobbies (i shouldn't be online now i should be working >.> but no one's in the house so i'm procrastinating)

Oof, intimately acquainted with this one. My work is my hobby and outside of that, what have I got? I spent about 80 hours a week studying, and what little down time I have is spent ... here, unfortunately, or other places online. I have no idea how to cultivate other interests, or even if I really want to, given the time-suck. Still, it would be really nice to be able to answer the question "what do you do for fun?" for once!

Getting a life is easier said than done. 

i've tried really hard to find outside interests not just for my transition but just because i need a break from work sometimes. but reading art history stuff or even comics just starts to seem like research... i get the urge to start taking notes D: this is probably a recent-graduate thing too, i still have that 'this could be useful for my dissertation' mindset

lol I'm such a sadact i should join a book group or something

This realization has been dawning on me recently and it is so perfect that it is a topic here. I had been so isolated as a man. The only people I ever spent time with were my Mom and my best friend/roommate, I hardley even saw my other roommate who is a close friend of nearly two decades. I never went out anywhere.

My yearning for social contact has become very real. I used to be well resigned to my solitary fate. And I do still love and value solitude, but now I have become aware of loneliness. Trouble is, I don't know how to make friends. Every friend I have ever had called me, asked me to come hang out or attend an event. I don't even know how to ask someone to chat with me over coffee. It is a terrifying prospect. But I am trying. I just always feel like an intruder.

I also realized recently that I no longer have a best friend. The bond I had with the one mentioned a couple paragraphs up has changed. We're still good friends but I have learned that our closest bond was contingent on me being male. Outside of my Mom and my therapist I no longer have a confidant.

I have been doing the same job for ten years, not because I love it so much but more because I couldn't believe they keep me on despite my incompetence. The fact that my bosses told me I was their most valuable employee baffled me for years. I just knew that I would fail to get a new job because...well...because.

But now I see that it is time to move on. I want a new job, to have new challenges but also to meet people who will get to know me in full from the get go. I also think I am moving to a new town. I have been where I am for 17 years. It would also be great to not have to see folks who too strongly recall my past. There is a security guard at work who, if he doesn't shape up soon and quit pushing me around, will find himself talking to HR.

Anyway, I have started small. Participating in forums was my first and most important one. I have been slowly, like almost dead slug slow, been going to support groups. I have gotten much closer with a former roommate who also has anxiety issues. I went to an art opening with her, my first in fifteen years. And I have gotten myself to a meditation group, alone. It was a marvelous experience.

When I hit 40 in a few years I want to be living the potential that so many have seen in me over the years. I don't know if I will ever be able to pursue the dreams that were crushed by my time in the closet. I may just have to move on. I am excited for my future. To having a fuller social life. A new career. The ability to really enjoy solitude because I chose it. To be living in a new place. I don't wish to throw off everyone and everything from my past. Just as my own personality has grown as I release the chains that bound me so would I like to see my life expand.

Now I just need to figure out what to do with myself...

This transition thing really is a second puberty in every possible way!

Quote from: suzifrommd on October 18, 2015, 04:38:29 AM
Yes. This. The best part of my transition was being socially a woman. I joined a new church, where everyone knew me only as Suzi.  I still go, pretty much every week, and I still get chills thinking about how they all see me as female.

I agree with Cindy. Step away from those computers, tablets, and smartphones and live life!

I have had a bit of down time with back issues lately and found being off line, even for a day, is a tonic.   Real life is a breath of fresh air....

Quote from: Chrissy5946 on October 18, 2015, 05:32:54 AM
While I don't feel I can really comment here...here goes with one thought.
I believe the special bond with that someone special is a key component in flourishing in life,transisition, etc.
I'm a true loner, have tons of periferal friends, but missing that special bond.
I desire it, need it. I hope I can stay strong until I meet that person.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I absolutely understand ... and agree.

Everything is easier with people at your side, they give you somewhat safety, something that stays how it is, on your side. not like the whole world around that is going crazy

Looking forward to this part of transitioning actually.

Keaira took up truck driving. the real reason behind it? to escape and figure herself out. She loves to travel and hates to be tied down. But the thing that is most important to her is family. She's a tomboy and a lady at the same time, she doesnt take crap from other truckers and is seen as a capable woman in the eyes of her peers. Her interests are still VFX and art, And she is still a VFX Artist for Star Trek Renegades, but now she will also be an Extra on it. She's also agreed to tell her story in a book. She's had men take a romantic interest in her too. She doesnt watch TV or play video games anymore except with her son

The person she used to be who was seen as shy, timid and an underacheiver has gone. Now Keaira is soaring like an eagle.

I'm a badass. I am exactly the woman I have always wanted to be. I have my scars, my battle wounds, and the pain I still carried before I set out on my journey. But I have become rather independant and determined.