It doesn't have to be directly related with transgender, passing, etc.

I find that I do, and have now more than ever before.

It's not something I like about me, but I see that it has it's pros and cons. It's not so much about being transgender as it always was about being polite and 'accepted'. I suppose being accepted and being transgender works hand in hand for me, but I've wanted to be liked much longer than I knew or had heard of the word transgender. Even in casual conversation I feel the need to clarify- I replay what I've said in my head and see a fault, and that bothers me.

I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this, or has and has found a way to cope? It's draining for me, and I need to come to grips with it.

I'll try to use a non trans example...

For the last 6 weeks or so, I've been off work and healing from surgery. I'm sore, slow, and trying to get by with the bare minimum.

So for the last  6 weeks, I've been wearing nothing but house clothes. Not a skerrick of make up. I barely combed my hair. This is how I've been when grocery shopping, or walking, or going to appointments.

I'm aware that I've been putting in less than the socially expected amount of effort, but too bad. I don't feel inclined to put in any more effort until I'm feeling better. Yet despite my conscious decision, I do catch myself worrying about how I'm coming off to others. I think it is only natural when you have self respect. But then I just remind myself of what is important (my health) and forget about it.

You're important. Not opinions of random strangers.

For the longest time I've been in a very negative mood where I would not care about other people's feeling. I thought that all people must feel like me in some way or another, that most if not all people feel unhappy about themselves.

Since I've been more accepting of my situation, my general attitude towards others has improved a lot.

I am the same way, sometimes even hours after a conversation I'm still thinking about what could have been improved on my side and I am bothered by the mistakes I made. In some cases when I feel that I will not be able to do something well enough(by my standards) I'm not even trying to do it because I don't want to feel ashamed afterwards.

I'm very socially insecure. Deep down I have a fear that everyone sees me as a needy, tiresome, selfish, annoying bore who is prone to saying inappropriate things.

I'm working on it. If you're curious how, here's a blog entry I wrote about it: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197493.0.html

People tell me now they love working with me because I have a very positive aura. That works I suppose