I never want to be a male at all. From age of four I knew about death & really scared me. About age seven, I started getting these weird dreams/nightmares of going through this skyscraper type with many doors like thirteen in total. It doesn't matter which door I open. As soon as I open and go through it turns me into female and other thing is that she been with me since I could remember.      She been teach things that I would had to learn on my own, I don't know why she follows me. So I started drinking alcohol & smoking marijuana, tobacco & other drugs too many to remember. So I could forget about her. Now I forgot about her, I want her back.


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She is still there,you may have forgotten her but she hasn't forgotten you. I know this from my own experience,you just need too slow down,my advice is too spend a day dressing enfem and she will come back,be prepared she might come back with a vengeance and put you on the super hwy with no brakes too slow down.

Hi Nariko,

Advice?

1) Detox from all the mind altering stuff. Alcohol, drugs etc.
2) Check in with a gender therapist and do some trauma therapy with them. No guarentees, but that may re trigger some old synapses back to those earlier memories.

Stay clean, and be totally honest with yourself. You'll be amazed at the outcomes.

Huggs
Catherine

It's possible she may not come back because she is now a part of you and has taught you all she can. It may be time for you to make you own way in life.

Here are some resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439

Know you're not the only one...

well you might try to explore...
grow your hair out, try some clothing for women.. second hand stores could be a good source...

and I'd say go with what gives you a feeling of joy... (within reason)

and you might talk to a good gender therapist to help you along...


*hugs*

Dear Nariko:

Many of us have thematic dreams.  I did for most of my adult life and they essentially followed my adult trajectory through life as a woman.  During transition they stopped.  I still dream but they are the "normal" fare of a woman I think; at least they aren't the thematic, ever present being a woman in my dream-life passing through life.

What does this mean?  Darned if know I for sure.

You've gotten some great advice here - suggest you seriously consider it and begin to live life the way wish it to be in reality.

Do take good care and stay in touch,

Rachel