Wow, I can honestly say that your story has given me so much hope. So I'll share my story, and maybe it might do the same for someone else.
As a kid, strangers would often think I was a male because I kept my hair short, wore boys clothes, hung out with boys etc. I think it always made my mom sad because after my two brothers were born, she so badly wanted a girl, but instead got me. I still remember her horror when she walked in on 5 year old me trying to pee standing up. She put me in ballet, figure skating etc. but I always hated it. She chilled out when my sister was born, thank god. Luckily my sister was everything my mom wanted, which gave me room to wear/do what I wanted. My childhood was actually pretty great. Everyone accepted and even liked me at my school despite my differences. That changed however in the 5th grade when I moved to a small town... People didn't like that I was different. That's really when the struggle began. I tried to conform so that I might make friends and just got confused. I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy pretending to be girly. High school came around and I heard the term transgender for the first time. I turned to Youtube to watch FtM accounts, and everything made sense. I came out and began transitioning a year later.
New problems arose at this point. I have never been physically assaulted, but throughout high school I was often taunted. To those of you who are experience bullying, know that eventually you'll be able to escape it. I was referred to as the "it" and my girlfriend was called the "weird lesbian who's dating the it". People would make crude hand gestures at me, use female pronouns (even some teachers), imply that I'm a lesbian if they weren't calling me "it", and in general would make me feel less than human. The worst were the adults who would tell my little sister, who was only 11 at the time, that I was in a "weird phase" and was going to hell. It made me feel terrible that I was causing my little sister to be in situations where she needed to defend me when really I should be the one always protecting her... I tried to kill myself on several occasions and felt like even more of a failure for not succeeding even in that. Those were definitely the hardest years of my life.
Now, I'm in my first year of university living in a new city and things are infinitely better. I still have my days where I feel self-conscious and like I'm a freak, but things have improved as a whole. My mom realized that I wasn't in a "phase" and has become my biggest supporter. Almost my entire immediate family has accepted me, which is incredibly lucky.
So. if anyone out there is having a rough time in high school, I bet once you graduate things will improve. It's especially hard because there's puberty and a** holes everywhere, but please make it through. Also, if anyone ever needs to talk, feel free to message me and I'd be happy to listen.
