Hey everyone!!

It has been a few weeks scince my last post, as I have been feelin' kind of poorly  . My SO and I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster and I thnk it is pretty safe to say that the feeling they had that they were gender-fluid is pretty much melted away and given way to someone who feels prettty much transgendered. I am pretty glad that at least some aspect of confusion is clearing up.

But right now they are OBESSED with all things trans.... constantly talking about the subject, and buying things, and talking, and watching youtube videos about it, and showing me pictures of other trans and asking me how they compare, or tips, or telling me all about the stuggles of their newly-found trans friends that they have met online... and while I support them, and understand everything is so new and shiny to them... (and that they have always have an obessive personality to be honest... ) it is pretty much wearing me down.. not to mention I am pretty ill at the moment anyways.

it's just constant 24/7 seven trans talk.. even on date night  just now they came and showed me another random picture and I kind of blew them off, I know they got offended but is this how its going to be? all the time? give me some hope that this stage is short lived people!!!!

Don't worry, it will go away sometime but I am not going to say when. Most of us have struggled with this for a long time and there is the stage I call diarrhea of the mouth that comes right after coming out and self discovery. About your only hope at present is to hold up the face of your had and say "lets talk about what I want to talk about for a while". I am glad your are staying together and this phase will pass.

The first six months after I attended a transgender conference which included my first time ever in public, I'm sure my wife wanted to take a pillow some/most nights and smother me.  I acted just like your SO is acting.  The problem is there is a certain euphoria and it's got to wear off unless they realize it and suppress it themselves.  In the seminars I used to present called The Balancing Act about balancing gender and marriage, I would warn newly out people of this.  I used a phrase a late friend coined called "Attack of the 16 year old girl."  To paraphrase my friend, part of the problem is you might expect some type of behavior like this from a sixteen year old daughter who just discovered something but you aren't expecting from your SO.  Normally it will wear off becoming calmer but like I said, in my case it was about six months before I came up for air.

Beverly   

I went through this phase.  My wife said "seriously hon, I need to not hear so much about this."  I was hurt, shocked, and offended.  Took it to my therapist for support... and they said "so, it sounds like she's asking you to respect her boundaries." To which my response was "... uh, boundaries?"

Boundaries!  Boundaries are something that healthy couples have.  I was able to define them, mathematically... but when it came to relationships, I've been atrocious at establishing them for myself or respecting them in a partner.

It's clear you want to be supportive.  But you need to be yourself, you need time to absorb all of this, and it's way too much way too fast.  You can't keep up with their changes.  You need to establish boundaries.  The good news is that if you know what you're doing, you can establish a boundary and expect it to be respected.

Think about it.  How much time in a day can you handle watching their interests?  How many times can they interrupt you before it annoys you?  Turnabout is fair play, too -- how many times can you interrupt them with something "interesting" before they get annoyed?  Take those amounts, and cut them in half.  Put the boundary there.  That way, if they overstep it a little once and a while, it will hardly bug you.

"Honey, I love you and I support you.  I'm glad that you're finding all of this information, but I'd like you to dial back the amount that you share with me.  I'm not upset by what you're showing me, but the amount of it is driving me nuts.  What would you think of showing me only one or two videos a day?"

It won't be a painless conversation.  But if you preface it with loving support, they might understand.  If you mix in some discussion on the merits of boundaries, it might help your relationship more than just this conflict.  If you can bring it up "out of the blue" and not in reaction to them showing you something, then you probably won't face as much emotional backlash.

thanks for the great advice! and especially some ideas on how to bring it up. my SO is super emotional and I am more of a "straight to the point" type of person so often  word things wrongly and that leads to bigger problems than the initial issue!!