I am a very lucky person. My dysphoria has gotten mostly under control, I wonder if it is bad enough that transitioning is something I should do. A part of me (probably a large part of me) wants to be physically female. I've found that there is definitely a demeanor shift in me between when I'm in boy mode and girl mode. Boy mode seems to be a negative feelings amplifier. Minor inconveniences seem hugely annoying to me, and it becomes very easy to get into patterns where I start saying "I hate myself," or "I hate my life" in my mind. The thing is, that's still way better than it was a couple of months ago for me, before I accepted that I was trans*. I feel like transitioning is something that will happen to me at some point in my life, and logically this spring would be the best time to start. Yet it seems like whether or not this will make me feel even better is something I won't know until I've done it, and I'm not one for leaps of faith. I sort of feel like, if this is the new normal maybe staying male isn't so bad. I say with painted toenails, shaved legs, chest, and armpits, while wearing a sweater and a skirt. I'm basically only in boy mode when I'm out of my apartment, so which is the real me?

I guess I wish I had an easy decision here, "because I really want to" seems like an odd reason to pursue a sex change. Any thoughts?

You can always try the path of least resistance . Blood cells follow the path of least resistance , so it's a natural method for determining where to put your foot down next when trying to walk.

It's hard to say how far you will go. It's really up to how far you need to go and how you feel. A therapist would be a great aid to help you sort that out. For me it meant go all the way for you it could be somewhere in between. It is different for all of us. You might feel comfortable for a bit and then find that isn't getting it done anymore. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

I agree. A therapist will help you out lots. What helped me begin my transition was something that my wife asked me. She said:
If people werent a factor, if you could keep your job and everyone you know would love you and support you: would you go full time female? I smiled big and said oh absolutely!

There was my answer.


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I think you will know before we will <wink>. It's sort of like getting into a cool lake to go swimming. Some test the water for hours and some just jump in. I sort of got to the jumping in mode and just did it. Nothing could stop me.

Therapists can help explore options, but ultimately, the decision is yours to make. And if you feel comfortable with what you are doing, why go all in?

Cindi

Unfortunately you won't know until you know. As a transgender person living in a cis gender centric society means we get bombarded with so called gender norms and it is culturally and socially "policed" in innumerable ways. My body dysphoria was not all that bad but my social dysphoria was off the charts, essentially I transitioned "because I really wanted to" and it was as good a reason as any. And of course in order to transition I had to open myself up to the possibility of ridicule and rejection but I did and the fear was largely unfounded and I'm happier now than ever before. Have a chat with a therapist, full transition is only one of many options, try and find what suits you.

For so many years I had been in your shoes.
I had played with it and had some fun.
I had tried to resist, and it had became more intense.
Until I could not bear it any more.
Then I was sure I needed to transition, quickly and completely.
But I had wasted decades of my life on the way.

It takes time to realize that every time you think you have brought it under control by adopting a degree of transition, it comes back and hits you with a vengeance. It only becomes worse and worse until it destroys you if you do not act on it. You can not deny to yourself who you are.
Figure it out for yourself, slowly, or talk to a therapist who can help you get there, whereever that may be, more quickly.

Thank you,

Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 31, 2015, 03:12:33 PM
A therapist would be a great aid to help you sort that out.

I have been seeing a therapist for the past month, and she is helping me with all of this.

Quote from: clarabrown on October 31, 2015, 05:42:54 PM
I agree. A therapist will help you out lots. What helped me begin my transition was something that my wife asked me. She said:
If people werent a factor, if you could keep your job and everyone you know would love you and support you: would you go full time female? I smiled big and said oh absolutely!

There was my answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I had read a similar exercise where if you had some sort of magic ring that would let you switch genders at will and  everyone else would go along with it when would you want to be each gender. Aside from moving furniture and using public bathrooms I'm pretty sure I'd stay female most of the time.

The problem for me is that I don't actually know for sure what being female is like so there's always a part of me that doesn't want to risk it.

Quote from: Girl Beyond Doubt on October 31, 2015, 06:38:52 PM
But I had wasted decades of my life on the way.

This is my big worry. I'm single and I recently turned 33. I want to have a family, and I currently am attracted only to women. I feel like I'm at an age where if I can make the right decisions at the right time then I can still have everything I want. Lately I find myself daydreaming about doing simple things like eating breakfast as a woman, and it makes me feel happy. I definitely have a part of me that really wants to transition, I guess I need to figure out if the parts of me that are holding me back are legitimate issues or simple fear of the unknown.

I'm nowhere near the "transition or die" club, but I am scared that I may end up that way down the road. Was anyone else in a similar position and how did you come to make your decision?

I am the same i am 33 and married to a cis woman. It has nothing to do with your gender but i can totally relate to your struggle.


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Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on October 31, 2015, 02:23:31 PM
I am a very lucky person. My dysphoria has gotten mostly under control, I wonder if it is bad enough that transitioning is something I should do. A part of me (probably a large part of me) wants to be physically female. I've found that there is definitely a demeanor shift in me between when I'm in boy mode and girl mode. Boy mode seems to be a negative feelings amplifier. Minor inconveniences seem hugely annoying to me, and it becomes very easy to get into patterns where I start saying "I hate myself," or "I hate my life" in my mind. The thing is, that's still way better than it was a couple of months ago for me, before I accepted that I was trans*. I feel like transitioning is something that will happen to me at some point in my life, and logically this spring would be the best time to start. Yet it seems like whether or not this will make me feel even better is something I won't know until I've done it, and I'm not one for leaps of faith. I sort of feel like, if this is the new normal maybe staying male isn't so bad. I say with painted toenails, shaved legs, chest, and armpits, while wearing a sweater and a skirt. I'm basically only in boy mode when I'm out of my apartment, so which is the real me?

I guess I wish I had an easy decision here, "because I really want to" seems like an odd reason to pursue a sex change. Any thoughts?

Your question is pertinent to my life in so many ways. I appreciate you articulating it so clearly. (It is amazing to me how often I log in to find the very thing I was grappling with to be a point of discussion!). I am mid-60's and have danced with this question for years. I always talked myself out of transition because of others. I have a wise therapist who is the one who now constantly holds up a mirror to me, and I can hear her saying: "What is Sheila passionate about?" I continue to answer: Sheila has always been passionate about being a woman. Like many others, there are consequences of pain and trama to others that have prevented me from taking that big step out as FT. But, for me, it has gotten to the point that NOT transitioning is more uncomfortable that doing it. Too many wonderful women on here have reassured me that there is life and fulfillment on the other side of walking through my fear. Sooooooo, I struggle just like you. I would offer that therapy and getting on hormones have been life saving for me. Blessings, Sheila