Hi -

You've gotten some great responses here, so I'll do this quickly:

Shock - anger - anger - regret - withdrawal - anger - abhorrence - resignation - separation - divorce - long-term regret & sorrow (We haven't seen each other since our separation 15+ years ago.)

In all honesty, she was and is a great lady.  My GD and treatment was a bridge too far after 34 years of marriage.

Rachel

THANK YOU ALL.

So here's how it finally went.

UNEVENTFUL.

We were hugging in the kitchen and I was being a little more huggy than normal.  She sensed something was wrong and I took a breath and said "I think I have Gender Dysphoria."  She asked a few questions, like "why do you think so" etc... but the one that threw me was "I've known for years, why did you tell me before?"

WHAT?  She didn't know the term nor what to look up on the Internet, but she know I was conflicted years ago.  We talked for a bit, she took a shower and got ready to go out.  We had plans on going for a drive anyway, so 3 hours in the car just talking.  NO tears, NO real emotion (two engineers tend to be analytical rather than emotional) I told her what I wanted and don't want (I draw a line at the belt, she draws the line in the bedroom).  She would be uncomfortable with me taking a "female role in the bed" (use your imagination).

I think over time, we will both come to grips and find where each other's lines are.

I'll post details on this later, but MAN-O-MAN what a weight off my shoulders.  I've not been this "clear of thought" in probably 10 years.

Thank you everyone for your posts/replies.  They helped.

That's wonderful news!! So glad to hear it, and thanks for coming back with the update.

PJ -
SO HAPPY FOR YOU (BOTH)!!!  "The things we worry most about are always the ones that DON'T happen".  Now go start sorting things out!!!  Good luck, we'll talk soon - xo Holly 

I told my wife before we were married that I was a ->-bleeped-<-,that's the only label I knew at the time,11 years into our marriage and only wearing nities occasionally,and dressing in private,I was self destructive and started a internet affair and got caught,I wanted too be caught. The short story is we talked for 3 days nonstop,no sleep,and the whole ugly mess reared its head and I finally told her the whole story,her response was you want too wear makeup,so she made me up and I looked like the bearded lady,next day she had me fully shave and made me up again. What helped her was her sister who lives with us,who is very accepting of Cheryl,and bought my first wig,my wife liked it.we are 16 yrs later and we still do this together,I like my life like it is now,and srs is not for me,neither is hrt since I already have a woman looking body. Its been a rough 27 yrs together,but one I cherish,for we are very close more now than at the beginning.

Very happy for you PJ and your wife, such great news.  Thanks for the update!