This is a sort of update on my progress
After a battle with trying to stay a man for my wife I decided it is not worth it and I am a woman I can't continue pretending to be a man. Being a man is just not for me it never was. I feel fake everyday as if I am disconnected from the world myself and what is happening around me. My dysphoria got so bad that it is influencing me so that I can't function it is all I think about not wanting to be in this form and wanting to be a woman.
My wife sees me as a woman so why can't I transition then to who I really am it is her choice if she stays or not. She can't take the man that I am trying to be also because he is the opposite of who I really am. He is full of self hatred,loathing and bad things he is depressed the whole time. I can't take it being him anymore.
I must face the true me I can't hide anymore so tomorrow morning I am calling my endo to get back on hrt as soon as possible. I am going all the way this time. I am also seeing my psych tomorrow so she will be enlightened because she was worried about my mental state. She was waiting for me to lose my mind.
My wife is on her own ship at this stage she can't decide if she want to leave or stay but one thing I realised I haven't got a problem being trans she has got a problem with me being trans and I am taking her problem and making it my problem. She is considering staying maybe she was hoping by giving me hell I would stop being trans or something.
I know it is a hard road to follow for me and her and I hope it is a road worth walking.
