Hi everyone!

I was looking for a therapist, but things changed a little bit before that. I had to move to another town, a small one.
I am trying to get an appointment with a therapist who does via online (skype), but we couldn't schedule anything yet, and I think this will still take some time to happen.

But, on the other hand, I am living alone now, and I am experiencing the best "alone" moments in my entire life, because I can dress woman clothes now

First, I bought some panties, and in the first 2 or 3 days, my penis got hard when I wear it, wich was horrible, I didn't want that, but now it doesn't happen anymore, became normal and it is amazing. I always use both, so it gets smooth down there. So now, everytime I am home, I tuck and wear the panties.

Yesterday, I bought a pink pijamas shorts , and now I don't wanna go outside, just because I don't want to unwear it. It's so comfortable!!!!

I am really enjoying these moments at home now, and I just can't see my life from now on, like it was before that.

I want to do more, and need some advice from you. What kind of things I can do, in order to decrease this dysphoria, feel more feminine.
Considering this:
- I don't have a lot of money to spend;
- Even if I had a diagnosis saying that I am transexual, I couldn't do anything expensive or reveal myself to anyone for the next 3 years. So, I need things that won't be suspicious.
- I need to lose weight, so no way using T blockers now
- I am dealing with it as some kind of real life experience, but secretly

Bye!!
Lilian


(If it isnt't the right place for this subject, please tell me )

I can't answer most of it, but I will say that in my experience HRT (and therefore T blockers) is not incompatible with losing weight. I find can can't lose weight unless I'm motivated, and if I'm motivated then nothing will stop me losing weight. I lost a large amount of weight on HRT, more and faster than I've even done it before, and its was because I felt good and I had some strong motivation.

I'm still presenting male, and been on HRT for years.

Without testosterone, it will be much harder to lose weight.

And as I am not sure if I am transexual, I don't want to take estrogen. And this is a step I will only take when I am sure about it and with medical assist.

I am post surgical and have been off hormones for 10 years. I neglected my weight for far to long and over the last 5 months I have dropped 30 pound putting my weight back were I want it. Yes you have to pay a bit more attention to diet and exercise but it's not all that hard. The T blocker will help you feel more comfortable with yourself but won't feminize your body so they should help you buy the time you need. Professional help will be needed with them because some people respond better and require a lower dose that others. That can only be determined with blood test measuring your T levels.

Re inconspicuous coping methods: I've been wearing mens' deodorant and (though i kind of think gendered toiletries are kinda stupid) the association makes me feel a little better, and no one really notices but me.

Quote from: Dena on November 02, 2015, 12:56:41 PM
I am post surgical and have been off hormones for 10 years. I neglected my weight for far to long and over the last 5 months I have dropped 30 pound putting my weight back were I want it. Yes you have to pay a bit more attention to diet and exercise but it's not all that hard. The T blocker will help you feel more comfortable with yourself but won't feminize your body so they should help you buy the time you need. Professional help will be needed with them because some people respond better and require a lower dose that others. That can only be determined with blood test measuring your T levels.

I have some urgency to lose weight in the faster way due to health problems. So, I am trying to postpone the use of T blockers for now.

Quote from: Peep on November 02, 2015, 01:50:24 PM
Re inconspicuous coping methods: I've been wearing mens' deodorant and (though i kind of think gendered toiletries are kinda stupid) the association makes me feel a little better, and no one really notices but me.

That is an awesome idea! Starting today

lilian, try some of these things maybe - start shaving your legs , underarms, chest etc. anywhere you have to much man hair , get rid of it. work your eyebrows to a more feminine shape, paint your toenails, let your fingernails grow a little longer than average male length and keep them neat and shaped, depending on your age and job situation let your hair grow longer, get your ears pierced, dress more andro mix some girl stuff in your wardrobe, girls jeans tops that could be either girl or boy wear in look, the same with shoes. if you can't pull off more feminine clothing at work you could still have a pair of girls jeans and tees or tanks maybe a pair of the retro girls keds that are back in style and wear these things on your days off when your out and about.I'm doing all of this except for the longer hair and earrings ( would cause HUGE problems on my job)and it helps a lot to calm the dysphoria. good luck as you travel this road.

I am not brave enough from some of these stuff

If I shave my legs, I couldn't use shorts anymore. Underarms I do have already a very few there, and I will just let that way for now. Chest is already shaved.

About dressing more andro, it is a little hard for me because I have a more casual/rustic clothing style, and I know nohting about fashion, so that should be a hell of a challenge for me lol, because people will notice such a huge change in my clothing style, but I will work on that and see what I can try

The hairless leg thing in public isn't as bad as you think it will be.  I lost about 90% of my leg hair a few years ago when I was doing DIY HRT.  Then I stopped the HRT and made a last effort at doing nothing.  My testosterone came back and even got really high but the leg hair stayed gone and never came back. 

So, in that in between time I joined a running group and one of the first questions from one of the women there was, "Did you shave your legs?" 

I just said.  "No, it just doesn't grow there."  And that was it.  Nobody ever questioned it again.

Most people either won't notice or won't say anything about it anyway.


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I need to try to see things in a more positive way. I see you talking and I am always like "i can't do it", "that's not my case" ...

The fact is that the hair in my body is one of the most disgusting thing on me, so I have to do this, I will try to do it slowly, starting with just trimming a few, until it gets very short, so people get used to and dont notice. Another thing is using more pants daily, instead of shorts.

baby steps Lilian baby steps. do a small change and when you realize the villagers aren't chasing you with torches and pitchforks take another small step. all of us have been were you are at some point. baby steps and enjoy the journey.

Quote from: Lilian on November 02, 2015, 12:04:02 PM
Without testosterone, it will be much harder to lose weight.

And as I am not sure if I am transexual, I don't want to take estrogen. And this is a step I will only take when I am sure about it and with medical assist.

Good idea not taking blockers or estrogen if you're not sure. I will say though that for me the hardest things for losing weight has depression. No T was nothing in comparison. You also can't block T and not take estrogen, its dangerous. You need one of them or you'll get osteoporosis.

Start practicing your voice! If you have a while to wait before presenting and can work on your voice then you'll be at a huge advantage in the future

Quote from: AnonyMs on November 02, 2015, 09:43:44 PM
Good idea not taking blockers or estrogen if you're not sure. I will say though that for me the hardest things for losing weight has depression. No T was nothing in comparison. You also can't block T and not take estrogen, its dangerous. You need one of them or you'll get osteoporosis.

I don't want to use it in a long term, just for 1-2 months and see what happens with the dysphoria.
And I am looking for an endocrinologist to assist me with it. And there is the weight thing, so I don't know when I will start this yet.

Quote from: heholetsgo on November 02, 2015, 09:58:06 PM
Start practicing your voice! If you have a while to wait before presenting and can work on your voice then you'll be at a huge advantage in the future

I am watching some videos on youtube, do you know some effective guide/technique for it? There is a lot of stuff about this.

I actually lost weight when on Spironolactone only. Then I stopped using nicotine (had already been on nicotine replacement products for months after ditching oral tobacco/snus) at the same time I started estrogen, and I gained more weight than I had lost. While this is not advisable (I'm stupid), I went back on nicotine since I became heavier than I'm comfortable with, and now I've lost some again, but it's slower now that I'm on estrogen, since I still get weird cravings from time to time. But at least now I'm within normal weight again, more or less.

But to sum up, antiandrogens don't necessarily make it impossible to lose weight - my weight loss on Spiro was not intentional, it just happened. Don't let weight concerns decide whether or not you start HRT. If hormones/antiandrogens make you feel better and less dysphoric, it could even help you to lose weight. But there are no guarantees, this is very individual.

Quote from: Lilian on November 03, 2015, 07:36:14 AM
I am watching some videos on youtube, do you know some effective guide/technique for it? There is a lot of stuff about this.

I have helped a few other on the site with their voice if you are interested.

I found it easier to lose weight on HRT because I felt motivated again and lost interest in drinking a lot of alcohol.


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Quote from: Dena on November 03, 2015, 01:43:44 PM
I have helped a few other on the site with their voice if you are interested.

Thank you Dena! But I don't know how to answer this to be honest. Because, in one hand I really want a female voice, but on the other hand, I can't go outside talking in a higher pitch, for the next 3 years.

In a few words, for the moment, I just want to learn how to get a higher pitch, without changing it.

NEWS: I just made my first appointment with a therapist next week!!!
So excited and afraid now 

Quote from: Lilian on November 03, 2015, 03:58:38 PM
Thank you Dena! But I don't know how to answer this to be honest. Because, in one hand I really want a female voice, but on the other hand, I can't go outside talking in a higher pitch, for the next 3 years.

In a few words, for the moment, I just want to learn how to get a higher pitch, without changing it.

I am not suggesting surgery. I spent a couple of year in speech therapy 35 years ago and I still use what I learned with my surgical voice. My voice was one of them that could be improved with therapy but couldn't be moved into the female range without surgery. The only way I can hit the female range is with surgery AND therapy. Without the trained voice, I still am in the male range.