Today was my 52nd birthday and the first I have celebrated during my transition and also a first for my family. Traditionally in our family the person with the birthday has to write list of possible things they may want as gifts...it really started out when the kids were young...but that is another story for another day. Now I have to say I had not really even thought about my birthday or Xmass or any other events that involve gifts.
So now I am faced with the perplexing task of what do I ask for...in the end I was told to ask for what I wanted and so I did including things like nail polish, moisturiser , tops, perfume, Jewellery along with a few more gender neutral items. I knew this was going to be difficult for them to start buying feminine items for my birthday and I hope there was enough neutral stuff so they didn't feel forced into an uncomfortable situation of shopping for feminie stuff for me because I gave them no choice.
Well after a wonder day spent with my girls we finally go t around to the gift giving and I was totally blown away. Every item they gave me had been carefully thought out and included , nail polish, perfume, moisturiser, tops... all women's styles, and Jewellery just to name a couple. The voucher was about the only gender neutral gift I got. I was hopeless through teary eye I thanked them and I especially understood how difficult it could have been for them to be shopping for feminine style gifts for their father...the 22 yr. old Daughter said "I loved it, it was fun", My wife said yes it was a bit strange but all part of the journey, My eldest just grinned at me and said yeah it was a bit funny but worth it. I was quite choked up at this stage and couldn't really add much to that.
I see it as a really positive step forward for their own journey with this so the next time...say Xmass they will have no hesitation and neither will I...I love my wife and I love my Girls and they constantly surprise me with their ability to love me back as fiercely as I love them. My youngest daughter said in her card "thank you for everything you have done to support me. I think it's my turn though, to completely and totally support you" ..she went on to say a few more really lovely things. My eldest daughter told me in her card "always here supporting every decision you make both now and in the future, I am so excited for you to finally get to be who you are." Ladies and gentlemen I can assure you there was not a dry eye in the house after reading those cards.
Those of you who are across my story will remember the odd reaction I had from my parents when I came out to them about 7 weeks ago. They live in NZ and we skype and chat regularly so since returning to Australia we have a had a number of calls but these have been somewhat strained as they will not talk about the elephant in the room. As a last ditch effort I sent them an update on my progression about 5 days ago and had not heard anything from them so figured the cause was just as lost as it was before and I had made no real difference by sending them the update.
They called late this afternoon to wish me a happy birthday and make the usual small talk which I did pleasantly enough with them and then out of the blue my mother takes the phone from my Father and says " I got your update , and at this stage I need to "keep my own counsel" for a bit longer. It may not be much longer but I am not ready yet. I am sorry I haven't spoken to you, you must have been feeling like why did I bother" I told her how I felt and that for me it was more about, if they were dealing with my being Trans or simply ignored because silence just gets my brain to fill in the reasons as to why. She simply said she wasn't quite ready to talk yet...So I said to her how about you contact me when you are ready and we can talk then...there is no time limit on that offer and I am not surprised you are having some difficulties. I could hear the relief in her voice that she had finally addressed it.
My father comes on the phone and tells me he received my e-mail and read it and then printed it out and read it again and then he said he "got angry"...I asked him why and he told me because he feels guilty because he missed the signs when I was growing up. I immediately said to him...What signs? If you saw something how could you even know what it was a sign of...he jumped back in and told me he had got past that and really wanted to come to Adelaide to be with me and help support me through this. He went on to say obviously he couldn't come to Adelaide but really want to support me in any way he can. He apologised for basically taking his sweet time to speak to me but I suspect it was because of the anger. I told him I understood this was not something you deal with in 5 minutes and I didn't expect them to. I could tell he was relieved and I could hear it in his voice. I could hear the same with Mum. Despite my best attempts at preventing it from happening, in the long run it made no difference and my Mother appears to have taken the guilt on board as I feared she would. But there is nothing I can do about that, she has to work it out for herself. I am sure she will work it out, she is a strong minded intelligent woman, who was always gone into bat for me when I needed her too.
So what a Birthday...support....support... support and more support. My parents continue to flirt with guilt but are dealing with it in their own way...I can't ask for more than that at this early stage. They both told me they love me and I them and we know what they say
I think I believe it more now, when I see the saying "Love conquers all"...am I the luckiest girl in the world or what.
Sarah T
