Okay so I'm pre-everything, and I bind but i don't think I really pass. But every time i go out i feel more and more like I'm in the wrong bathroom, though i haven't been challenged yet, i guess due to baby-face and being about the size of a twelve y/o.

I was wondering when everyone switched, and if which bathroom you use came up in therapy in terms of RLE. Also did you go back to the ladies' room when you were on your period? I don't expect mens' stalls to have sanitary disposal bins...

Side note - the gym... how do I deal with potentially being on T and passing as male in terms of facial hair etc, but still having breasts? I don't think i could work out with a binder on...

I remember being in 8th grade and using the girls restroom after cutting my hair. And I totally got mistaken for a dude and the girls acted like they wanted to kick me out. So depending on my experiences now, being on T and all, I think you should just stick to what you feel comfortable in. Dudes don't look at each other, at all in the bathrooms. It seems like they do, but they don't. And no girl is going to kick you out of the girls restroom every time. Unisex bathrooms are great if you feel like you don't pass. My period was always irregular so maybe other guys can help you with that. With the gym, layers layers layers. Like I said dudes don't look at you and you don't HAVE to take your shirt off in front of them. good luck


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I agree that you should go with the one you feel most comfortable in, though there is something to say for feeling safe. If you feel unsafe in the mens room because you feel that you don´t pass, maybe its better to use the womens bathroom for a while or a unisex one.

I´m also pre-T and while I pass most of the time, I still get very nervous about the mens room. Jla is right though, men don´t look at each other in there (which was a huge relief for me). So if the female characteristics aren´t obvious, I think you could go for it.

As for working out that is a tough one, I do wear a `sports and binding bra´ from underworks. It has a whole lot of good reviews, and although I ordered a size too small I can recommend it. I ended up sewing some straps on it so I can loosen it up, and I find that even when it´s really loose it does bind my chest.

I am pretty small chested though so I can´t offer you any other perspective.

Same as everyone else.....it is what you feel comfortable doing.  At first I would be alternating between bathrooms depending on my comfort level at that particular time and place.  Now I'm so use to it that I always use the men's or unisex.  I'm only 3 weeks on T and have never been questioned using the men's over the last few years.  Just do your business and go no one really pays attention.  There is more ' policing' in the women's.  But I want to stress it is when you feel comfortable.  Everyone is different, some don't pass as well pre-t , some live in areas where it is more dangerous etc.  As for the period thing...if you don't use pads just flush the tampon and keep the wrapper of the new one in Kleenex in your hand or in your pocket to throw out either in the washroom garbage or else where.

At work I use the men's even though everyone there knows I started off presenting as a girl. When I'm elsewhere, it depends on my comfort level, but lately I've been using the gent's more and more simply because I'm not that comfortable in the ladies anymore as I've been getting more and more odd looks and even a little hostility. What I've noticed about using the men's is that men don't notice/don't care if I pass or not. When shark week rolls around, I just wrap up the mess and deposit it in the garbage can, or use the disabled person's restroom if available. Can't help you with the gym, I stopped going for the most part. I'm planning on getting back into it next month when I can afford it, but I'm only going to go in the mornings during the open gym when there are fewer people. I don't feel as self conscious about my body then, but I'll use the lady's changing room until the moobs are gone.

I don't have an STP so i would be using the stalls + sitting down... do they tend to be clean? >.>

There don't tend to be a lot of unisex bathrooms here, aside from disabled ones, but i always feel bad using those. I think i might start off with the kind that's just one wee room with one toilet before i go for the bigger ones. I wish i could ask someone to come with me haha but guys don't seem to do that group-pee thing that girls do... that always annoyed me until now...

I suppose with the gym if it really comes to it i could change and shower at home, so far i don't get too sweaty...

I stopped using women's bathrooms when I was getting harassed on a regular basis. Sometimes including grabbing or pushing me. I didn't think I passed well enough at that point still, pre-T, and mostly stopped using public bathrooms for a while. At some point I got a confidence boost and started using the men's without problem.

At the gym, I just skip the locker room and shower/change at home. It's not perfect, but it works, and makes me more likely to go then when I had the major stress of changing. When I want to use the pool, I get in and get my shirt off as quickly as possible. I don't like people looking at my boobs, but they usually leave me alone if they see them.

Since you're in the UK, some UK-specific advice might be useful: there is no law in the UK to state that only men can use the Gents' and only women can use the Ladies'. So you're already entitled to go wherever you wish. You can use being baby-faced and your resemblance to a 12-year-old to your advantage: remember that boys use the men's room too, including baby-faced 12-year-old boys. So if that's what you look and sound like, you already look and sound like loads of people who regularly use the men's toilets.

A good way to do it is to build your courage by slowly working your way up. First, decide to stop using the ladies' altogether. Then, start using gender-neutral loos (e.g. most branches of Costa) or accessible loos (they're not disabled loos, they're accessible loos for anyone who needs more space, easier access or more privacy!) wherever possible. Then start using the least busy men's loos before working your way up to the busier ones - even if it's just to pop in to wash your hands at first. Many branches of Starbucks have single-stall men's loos, which is a good way to introduce yourself to them. So do some branches of McDonald's. You can then work your way up to multi-stall affairs in major shopping centres. As for sanitary products, just wrap it in some toilet paper & put it in your pocket; you can then throw it away in any public rubbish bin after you leave. If you're worried about the noise, there are plenty of guys who need to use things like Tena, and they do this in the Gents'. You could even flush the toilet to disguise the noise.

I started using the Gents' about 8 months before I started T, and around 14 months before I started to pass at all. And yes, my GIC was very happy with the fact that I was doing so and I'm sure it's one of the things that sped up my access to T and surgery. I was very nervous the whole time, but I was never challenged once. I just marched into the Gents' like I belonged there; kept my head down; did my business; washed my hands and got the heck out. That's the beauty of the Gents' vs. the Ladies': guys don't look at each other like women do. The reason is due to internalised homophobia, which is deplorable... but at least it means that they're less likely to pay attention to you.

As for gym changing rooms? You still have the right to use whatever ones you want, but if you're pre-op you may feel self-conscious about working out, showering and changing. Personally, I didn't use the Gent's changing room until after I'd had top surgery. Instead, I spoke to the manager at each of my gyms, explained that I'm trans and that I didn't feel comfortable using the ladies' changing rooms but didn't feel safe using the men's yet because of my chest, and I asked them what they could do for me. One gym arranged for me to use the accessible changing room, the other let me use their staff changing room. They were super-professional and discreet, and I felt much more confident in using the gym because I knew the manager would support me if anyone ever kicked up a stink. Then after top surgery I went back to the managers as a courtesy to let them know I was going to start using the men's changing rooms, just in case I ran into any problems. I needn't have worried though; I've had no problems whatsoever.

When it comes to exercises, I was pretty dysphoric about my pre-T, pre-top-surgery body so I'd pick exercises that wouldn't make any unwanted parts jiggle (e.g. cycling is a good alternative to treadmills) and I wouldn't work out in front of the mirrors. I don't recommend binding whilst working out, so I'd just use a sports bra and I'd wear a hoody over my T-shirt & hope for the best.

I don't know how it didn't occur to me that young boys use the mens too, thanks for saying that!

I almost went in the mens today, i was in a nearly empty pub and when i was meters from the loos a big group of young guys went up to the bar and i chickened out. I should've done it because I'm pretty sure it would have been empty, the ladies' was... Next time tho

I tend to use tampons instead of pads, so i think I'm going to try disabled loos during shark week. You can't pocket a tampon lol

I was at the gym today and i did think about emailing staff asking what they would prefer i do, but i'm scared they'll just tell me not to use either changing room :/ i think I'll be ok in the ladies until I start T, and maybe afterwards as i'm not planning to grow a beard... I just keep getting this weird irrational fear that someone will accidentally open the cubicle curtain, catch me naked and somehow be able to tell that I'm some kind of impostor despite the fact that the only thing i've been able to change about my actual body is growing out my leg hair.
;p

For me back in PRE-T
I was in my birth gender bathroom and women would
scream, "Eek there is a man in the bathroom!!"
So I ended up using the men's bathroom early.
I guess in your case you need to *Feel* it out and once
you feel ok, you need to be confident in your actions within
the gender bathroom to what you assign to.
Ask your friends what way people in the bathroom and locker room act like for
the gender you transitioning too. This is really important!

Here is the reason, see in a mans bathroom/locker-room you do not look,
below your chest unless to pick something up. Again in the men's
room, we do our business and we get out. We do chat yes, but very simple wards
and we shut right up.

In the women's room the ladies sit and talk and chill in there for ages
..lol sorry gals..and then they touch up their make up and then leave.

I have to say two separate worlds.
Lastly I would say wait until your very much confident in this new gender role before
just walking into the other bathroom.

I  Started using the mens room once I went full time male, because the little girlsinthewomens room always looked horrified. I still dont pass great, but Id rather have someone try to confront me inthe mens room than terrify little girls ina bathroom that Ive never felt comfortable in. As far as the sanitary trash, Ive beentaking natural herbs for months andbarely have that issue anymore, so Ive never had to deal with that.

At the gym, a lot of the workers there still call me female pronouns even though I had themchange my name inthe system. I wear my binder despite my asthma (I shouldnt ever wear my binder andsometimes have to runand take it off cuz Im suffocating). I dont suggest it for the gym, but I need it, so whatever.

Since I live in the hyper friendly South, I just say "hey, how you doing!" as I enter women's restrooms if there are women in there, and my voice gives me away as having been born female.  Going in the men's doesn't bother me, though, as I used to use the men's when presenting female if the line in the women's was too long and know for a fact that guys won't say anything about it, even if you are done up in makeup and a miniskirt.  Of course, I have had some flamboyant gay male friends who have been hassled in men's restrooms, so there is always a chance.  In general, even if you are seen as female, the guys won't consider you a threat the way women consider men a threat.  But as everyone has said, just do what feels comfortable.  I use the women's restroom in places with lots of teenagers, like the mall, because as a former high school teacher I know that teen boys are much more likely to start something than more mature, older men (who mostly just want to do their business and get gone). 

Hello,  I'm pretty new here but wanted to chime in on this topic.
I went thru when I first started T at a job I had.  I was only about 3mos on T when I started maybe 4 so I didn't have a period which was great but I didn't quite pass either. My whole life Ive been kicked out of bathrooms so much that i stopped using public ones altogether. At first gor like 3weeks I would go a whole shift and not use the restroom once.  Finally my girl at the time said to ask my HR department what I should do. He was a gay guy luckily!  And he said to go into which ever restroom gender you identify/present as because it sets the presence of what gender you are for everyone that sees you use it.  The more people that see u go in to the mens room the better.  Then they know how to address you or if not at the very least they may question it but I doubt it.  Men just go in get it done get out. It's not like Women who socialize like it's happy hour on a Tuesday @ TGIF'S. Lol
I say use it when you are ready but remember you are telling the room what gender you ID as when you walk in/out.
Best of luck!

ShonJon