My parents are being crazy. They just are so weird.

So first off, my parents are acting so weird about my gender identity. Originally when I told them, they send like they were making an effort to understand. But now, they're acting like it's something wrong with me. They tell me every chance they get that Nicole is not my name. When, on someone else's suggestion, I told them that I would like to ask them to choose a middle name for me out of consideration for them, they said "oh, you want a middle name? Well how about the one you already have!". My mom snorts and rolls her eyes every time I mention that I want to be a woman. She tells me frequently that she gave birth to a son, but that's not good enough for me because I don't want to be her son. When I told her that I didn't want to be her son but her daughter, she yelled at me that " you're not my daughter you're my son! ". Meanwhile my dad was telling me that I'll never be anything but a boy, and that by trying to be a girl I'm lying to people. To make it worse, they told me I'm not allowed to use any name but Dakota at school, and I'm not allowed to come out. So out of consideration for them, I'm trying to repress my gender identity, but it's getting harder every day and the dysphoria keeps getting worse. It's like I'm sitting on a pipe bomb, trying to keep it from going off with my weight.

On top of that, my parents are not allowing me to seek any kind of medical attention for my depression. They say that I should have left that behind in South Carolina, and that " we aren't doing that here ". Keep in mind that in South Carolina, I was hospitalized for being suicidal. And from what I've been informed, this is illegal. (Even though I'm 17.)

They're also continuing to be willfully ignorant. They won't get internet at home specifically because they " don't want to have to watch me on the computer ". This is because, at my last school, I got the cops (SRO) sent to my home because I was " hacking" the school computers. This was twice - one for playing Minecraft, one for having Tor and downloaded music on my flash drive and dropping a few development tools for computer science on the school network server. I also call myself a hacker (the original version, not the media's version of the word). My mom says that obviously I don't care about the law (complete [expletive]), and she won't even LISTEN to my explanation of how hacking is just a tool and whether it's good or bad is a matter if who's using it, like guns (cops vs. terrorists). And if she does listen, she says that I'm delusional for thinking that. In other words, my opinion (and the facts I have to back it up) are invalid.

Not only that but my gender is invalid.

I haven't been a model child. I did some stupid stuff. I've gone behind their back countless times, and I've done all kinds of things they wouldn't approve of (nothing illegal, though). But I'm trying to make an effort. I'm trying to put all that in the past (particularly South Carolina - that's where I was pushed so far that I literally cared about nothing anymore). But every time I try to point out any of this, my parents say it's garbage.

I don't know what to do anymore!! If SOMETHING doesn't change SOON, I'm just going to end up snapping all over again. I can't be someone I'm not!

Well baseline is you have an ailment (gender disphoria) and this needs to be treated.

Treatment can be living in the gender people identify with... according to what people think they need and maybe together with a gender therpist have found as their aim.

If you had any sickness it would also need tending to.

Imo it takes a professional person talking to your parents telling them its very necessary you get treatment.
For gender disphoria and also for your depressions.

And you might keep this completely apart from any other occurences.

You might say those two conditions need tending to.

You might look for an ally who could talk to your parents.
This could be someone from PFLAG, a school counselor, a social worker or a psychologist.
After all its not acceptable to keep sick childern untreated.

All this should be done imo in a way that people are not aggravated.
Its got nothing to do with old occurences, etc.
Those two conditions simply need treatment.



If you feel like it please reach out...
there are helplines, and they also have a chat:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
www.translifeline.org

The problem is I don't know how to do anything without aggravating somebody. My parents have expressly forbid me from talking to anybody else about my depression or gender identity. Regardless of how I handle it, I think I'm just going to make them mad.

Quote from: SilverWing on November 05, 2015, 09:27:34 AM
On top of that, my parents are not allowing me to seek any kind of medical attention for my depression.

This is actually against the law nearly everywhere. Denying medical care to a minor who needs it has a name.

It's called child neglect.

Is there a counselor at school you can talk to? They need to find treatment for you. Denying you treatment for a medical condition should not be an option for them.

Is there another adult, maybe a family friend, maybe a relative, who can talk to your parents and help them understand what they're doing to you.

If all else fails, the option exists to contact child protective services yourself or whatever local agency is responsible for protecting minors from neglectful parents.

Hugs, SW. This is difficult. Please give yourself credit for being strong under an incredibly difficult circumstance.

And, please don't worry about making your parents mad. They'll get over it. It's more important to find a way to get the help you need.

Quote from: SilverWing on November 05, 2015, 11:13:10 AM
The problem is I don't know how to do anything without aggravating somebody. My parents have expressly forbid me from talking to anybody else about my depression or gender identity. Regardless of how I handle it, I think I'm just going to make them mad.

Look... if your parents forbid to talk to someone else something is wrong, and they should know better.
What they do is disregarding a problem instead of dealing with it.
An adult person could talk to them and tell them that you simply need help.

This does not need to be seen in an emotional context.
You have ailments.
You need treatment.
Period.

As said, you might talk to someone knowledgable in that matter.
A school counselor... a social worker... a psychologist...

Should I try writing a letter to explain that? Because if I talk, they'll just cut me off or reason against me.

Quote from: SilverWing on November 05, 2015, 12:58:47 PM
Should I try writing a letter to explain that? Because if I talk, they'll just cut me off or reason against me.

Yes.
A letter could be a good way imo.
You can sum up your thoughts and write in a way people can feel its reasonable.

I'd say that you need treatment for those two conditions.

And as said you might contact other people.
Its not likely they talk to parents straight away if its explained and they are asked not to.
Thats what school counselors... social workers... and doctors/psychologists are there for.
You might for example go during school to a school counselor. Its not likely parents get informed.

*hugs*